(no subject)

Mar. 12th, 2019 09:36 am
beanside: (Default)
So far, 2019 has been a lil bit of a roller coaster.

Back in January, Dad suddenly had vomiting and severe stomach pain, and went to the ER. He had diverticulitis, and an abscess in his colon that required draining. After 10 days in the hospital, he went to rehab to get his strength back. (The rehab sucked, and didn't seem to care that he choked on his pills, or forgot to put his CPAP on).

In the meantime, his older brother died, leaving us a decent amount of money. This will allow us to fix up the house/plumbing/heater.

Then, about a week ago, Dad spiked a fever and started having stomach pain again. This time, the abscess had brought friends, and he had to have 8" of colon removed. He has a colostomy bag, which is not something that is making him thrilled. He had a minor heart attack after the surgery, so that was fun. We're waiting for him to go to a new rehab in the next couple days.

Hopefully, the checks for the inheritance come in soon, and we can get dad situated and move forward, but so far the new year has been a little bit challenging.

Happy New Year

Jan. 4th, 2019 08:55 am
beanside: (Default)
I know, as usual, I'm running a little late on the new year post. I haven't had much to say, I guess.

The Trintellix seems to be working well. It's decreased my anxiety, and Jess says I seem happier and less withdrawn.

Still working on the heating and flooding issues, so that's sucked. We've also kind of slacked off on that, since the space heaters are working well. Still, we've got to get it taken care of. *sigh*

Work has been pretty okay. I've been working as floor support a couple days a week, taking escalated callers and answering questions. I enjoy it, and feel like I'm making a difference to my coworkers, which is nice. On the other hand, it makes the days I'm on the phone feel longer. Still, I appreciate that they have that kind of faith in me.

Holidays were low key, but good. I was in bed long before the new year, though the idiots setting off fireworks in the neighborhood woke me up briefly at midnight. Jess and I exchanged a mumbled "Happy New Year," and went back to sleep. I had to work the next day, so I needed the sleep. The joys of retail.
Or at least that's what I expect from this week. I can't magically make packages appear, so I'm sure I'll ruin someone's holiday. The joys of working retail.

I have a job interview on Thursday, so we'll see how that goes. They would have to be offering me a significant raise from my current salary, as I'd have to deal with a LOT more traffic. Plus my current benefits package is top notch, so they'd have to compensate for that as well.

Aside from that, things are standard. We still have no heat, but we're compensating with ceramic space heaters. The Trintellix seems to be working moderately well. Depression is better, and the anxiety is easing up some.

I'm having my usual birthday funk. I'm feeling very disconnected from fandom, and like I have no friends aside from [personal profile] poisontaster and [personal profile] wrenlet, and I don't talk to them often. I feel like my words are locked up in my mouth. I remember the days of early SPN, and I don't like the difference, but on the other hand, I just don't have the energy for fanishness that I used to.

Jess suggested therapy for the new year, and that's probably a good idea. I have my round of doctors appointments on Thursday (busy day), so I might set up a therapy appointment when I see my shrink.

Black Friday

Nov. 23rd, 2018 09:14 am
beanside: (Default)
And I work call center retail. Whoo.

Still working on getting the plumbing under control, so no heat is forthcoming. We have little ceramic heaters from Amazon, that are helping to hold the line. Still, it's bitterly cold this morning.

Aside from that, nothing new going on. I'm still on the new med, Trintellix. I'm cautiously optimistic about it. I do feel a little better, though the anxiety continues to be a problem. I'm hoping it'll improve as the drug kicks in more. It can apparently take up to two months to really hit its stride.

I've been falling down at the gym lately. If we've gone once a week, it's a lot. I just have been so beat down tired when I finish work that I just haven't been feeling it. Gonna try to do better.

(no subject)

Nov. 15th, 2018 09:00 am
beanside: (Default)
T-minus 2 weeks on Trintellix and no real change yet. Anxious as balls, but I'm not sure if that's the medication or just me.

I keep waiting for my mental status to change suddenly, and my brain to be calm, but that's probably not reasonable. It's more likely to be in increments.

We still have no heat. We got a couple mini-heaters from Amazon, and that's holding us for now, but we really need to get someone in to look at it. This weekend: more sucking up of water. Hopefully, we'll be able to get someone in next week after Thanksgiving.

I've been dreading today because it's snowing. We're not supposed to get much I don't think, but the roads will probably be slick. I am, of course, at work. If it gets bad, maybe we'll close early. Retail sucks.

(no subject)

Nov. 9th, 2018 08:50 am
beanside: (Default)
So, I started on Trintellix a week ago for my depression. Turned out Latuda was making me irritable and even more anxious. So far, Trintellix is making me anxious as hell. I've seen people who said it was activating for the first couple of weeks and then settled down, so I'm hanging in a little bit, but we'll see.

Aside from that, nothing new to report. This weekend we're making a concerted effort to de-flood the basement, as the furnace is not working and we need to get someone in to take a look at it. It's supposed to get really cold next week, so this is not optional. *nod* I'm dreading it. The basement is *such* a mess. We've had flooding for over a year so there's a ton to clean up, and all of it is gross. Still, has to be done.

Work is work. Somedays it's fine. Somedays, like yesterday, I got by in 15 minute increments. But it's Friday, which is nice. People tend to be assholes on Friday, though. They call and think we can get their stuff to them on the weekend, and we can't. The delivery companies have a 48 hr lead time.
On this most glorious of days, we wish happy birthday to the always lovely [personal profile] dine! Many happy returns!

(no subject)

Oct. 9th, 2018 09:01 am
beanside: (Default)
So, after some debate, I don't think the Latuda's doing great things for me. I'm still anxious, I'm jittery, have trouble focusing, and I'm still depressed, though maybe slightly less. I'm also having the creeping dread that something bad is just around the corner, which is fun.

Time to spin the wheel of pharmacology and see what overpriced shit falls out this time. I just want to feel semi-normal. I'm not asking for it to cure me completely, but focusing would be really helpful. I can't even read for any length of time because my focus is bopping all over the place.

Anyone have any recommendations on what's worked for them?

(no subject)

Sep. 24th, 2018 09:01 am
beanside: (Slinky)
Another Monday. The weekend is never long enough. We had a nice weekend. Went to Woodberry Kitchen for the first time in years. The food is still just as good...and expensive. Worth it.

Aside from that, we didn't do much. Trip to 5Below to get new cords for chargers. The downside of getting cheap cords is they don't last as long as the expensive ones. On the other hand, though, it's much easier to find $5 in the budget than $40.

I have two doctor appts this week. Psych tonight and PCP tomorrow. Ugh. I know they're important, but I have been to one doctor or another every three weeks maximum. I'm getting kind of sick of it.

I don't know how well the Latuda's working. I still have the jitters, I still am anxious as balls, and I still cry at the drop of a hat.

Seriously, I see someone's pet has died and I tear up. Doesn't have to be anyone I know. Just a dead pet, and I'm teary. Part of it is that our Samwise is getting up there, and I'm dreading when that time comes.

I'm just kind of a mess. I can't concentrate to write or read. The writing isn't new. The days when I could bang out a few thousand words are long gone, but the reading is killing me. I feel like I'm doing more of a skim most of the time. I have trouble settling into to really read.

I'll talk about it with my psych and see what she thinks. We shall see.

(no subject)

Sep. 17th, 2018 08:52 am
beanside: (Default)
It's Monday, so that must mean time to post.

Had a rough week with the scary sugar drops. Wednesday, I couldn't keep my sugar up. I'd get it up to 90, and an hour later it was back to 56. Scared the living shit out of me. Finally got it to stay up around bedtime. The doctor thinks that the med I was on was too strong, so they discontinued that one and left me on Metformin. So far, no problems with that, though I've been running a little high. I see my doc again in a week, so we'll see what he says.

There's got to be a happy medium where my sugar is good, and I'm not nearly passing out at work because my sugar is in the 50's. (should be around 100-120. 70 is considered low.)

Had a good weekend, and am back at work. Whoo.

Hopefully people aren't too assholeish and stupid today.

(no subject)

Sep. 12th, 2018 09:06 am
beanside: (Default)
So, got word that my car may be done by Friday. Took longer in the body shop than I expected--nearly two weeks. Not that I don't like the rental. It's a nice car, but damn, I miss my baby. Hopefully, the extra time means they've taken extra good care of her.

Life continues apace. I had a little scare with my diabetes last night. Sudden sugar drop that was at 49 when I checked it. (70 is low for me.) It involved drinking a couple sweet lemonades, and eating cookies to get it back up into the 90's. I did not like that at all and I felt like utter shit while it was down. Then, of course, I was up all night peeing thanks to the lemonades. I need to eat more carbs, but I'm not very good at it. My biggest vice was 7up, and now I don't drink those. Though as Jess said, we might need to have a couple on hand for sugar drops like this. More sugar in them and less liquid so I won't be up all night.

I need a nap today. *nod*

Instead, it's to work and dealing with stupid people's problems. 8 hours seems so long some days.

(no subject)

Sep. 7th, 2018 09:09 am
beanside: (fire!)
I actually have nothing of substance to post. I'm still driving the rental and waiting for my car to be ready (they say sometime towards the end of next week).

Aside from that, things continue apace. It's Friday, which is nice. Downside, Fridays are a bitch at work. Lots of people highly pissed about their furniture. (I work in a call center for a major Swedish furniture retailer.) Only 8 hrs to survive. I don't like my job particularly, but it pays well, and I do my best.
I was in a car accident on Monday (not my fault, I’m okay) and it has been a string of adulty things since. I think it’s all set up now: they other insurance accepted fault, I’ve got a rental car, the car is at the body shop.

It has sucked. I had to get a payday loan to get to work. Thank fuck for Uber. I already missed a day when the accident happened.

Originally, the rental company put me in a Nissan truck, but I went back this morning to downsize to a nice Rogue. The truck was nice, but way too big. The Rogue is about the same size as my RAV4. I went to the tow lot and released my car to Geico and now I just have to wait until my car is fixed. Hopefully quickly.

Aside from that, things are quiet at Casa Beanside.

(no subject)

Aug. 20th, 2018 08:51 am
beanside: (Default)
Another day, another doctors appts. It's back to the clinical pharmacist to present my log of sugars (which I totally scribbled out this morning. I am not good about journaling daily. Last minute cramming, I can do.

I'm still writing the semi original fic. I'm up to nearly 3,000 words, which for me is good. It's only taken weeks of daily slog to get there.

Had a nice weekend. Had to go to multiple stores, but got everything we needed. The big one was a Costco run for Dad's cereal. (he eats special K with berries every. single. day.) I was down to one box, and that will just not do.

We had good food both days, Mexican one day and Indian buffet the other. Fajitas and Tikka Masala, yum.

Aside from that, it's just work and home.

Oh, we did watch the *sniff* series finale of FaceOff. I love that show so hard. Between that and no Project Runway til next year, I'm going to be in withdrawal. I need to find a new fun competition reality show. Maybe I'll drift back to Cutthroat Kitchen.

(no subject)

Aug. 9th, 2018 08:53 am
beanside: (Default)
Yesterday, I had a migraine from hell. It didn't hurt all that bad, but the accompanying symptoms sucked wind. Light sensitivity, check. Wildly swinging emotions, check. Poor Jess had to deal with an occasionally crying Teresa every few minutes.

We also found a dog yesterday. Which did not help my emotions. Knowing that we couldn't keep it for long, yet feeling horrible that it would have to go to the shelter. Cute, sweet and stupid little Yorkie mix. Fortunately, it won't be in the shelter long. Someone recognized the post on lost pets and will be picking up his little butt today. Why you wouldn't microchip a dog like that, I'll never know. Would have saved him some time at the shelter.

Aside from that, things are going. I've mostly settled into a routine with my diet, and my sugar has been pretty good. Hopefully, when I go back, they're as pleased as I am. Of course, I have to actually journal my sugar, which I am very not into. It makes me feel like I'm public property, which pisses me off. We'll see how things go with the pharmacy doctor. Last time, I spent more time with the student, who was very nice, but not who I paid to see. I'm assuming that's a first time thing, but we'll see.

I'm glad we got together with [personal profile] poisontaster this past weekend, because we're about to be massively poor. I failed to pay a bill (depression, yay) and now my pay is being docked. It's going to suck for the next few months. Thankfully, it's a small bill, so it should only be three or so pay periods. Totally my fault, but it's going to suck.

(no subject)

Jul. 30th, 2018 08:54 am
beanside: (Happy Pitty)
It's Monday again...ew.

The weekend needs to be three or four days long.

We went and saw Mission Impossible: Fallout, which was highly enjoyable. Totally against all the laws of physics, as usual, but fun. The climax of the film was surprisingly tense, and satisfying.

Jess and I saw Mission Impossible 2 as out first date, a long, long time ago, so I have a soft spot for the series.

Aside from that, life continues. I'm starting to get a hand on my diabetes, though I'm horrible about remembering my meds on time.

Tonight, I have a psych appt to up my dose of Latuda. It's definitely working, but a little more would be good. It's helped the crawling "badness" feelings I was having for the most part. But, occasionally they still sneak up and I feel like clawing my skin off is a viable option.

I did start writing the other day, which was nice. It would be good if it continues, or maybe if the med increases it. I miss the days when I could belt out 5000 words in a few hours. (Mind you, I don't really have a few hours anymore, which may be part of the problem.)

(no subject)

Jul. 26th, 2018 09:04 am
beanside: (Default)
Had another of the endless round of doctor appointments yesterday. Got my blood pressure med cut in half, as it was dropping me down to 94/58, and making me nearly pass out whenever I tried to get up. Now I'm at a reasonable 113/71.

He's happy with how I'm managing the diabetes and the blood pressure and told me to keep doing what I'm doing.

He also thinks I should take a class for new diabetics, which...maybe I should, but they hold them during the day, and I have to work. Maybe once I've got FMLA, I could do it, but I'm just so asocial. If there were a virtual class, that's one thing. I don't like people enough to do the support group thing.

Aside from that, I wrote a little bit yesterday. I've decided to reboot an old fic, and started working on that. I'm hoping to file the serial numbers and be able to do something with it. Gay werewolves, y'all. It started life as an AU of pro wrestling, and branched out to a million fandoms with Jess and I both writing parts of it. Hopefully, I can pull a little magic out of my ass.

(no subject)

Jul. 17th, 2018 08:58 am
beanside: (Orly)
...I couldn't come up with a clever title.

Things move forward. Still struggling with balancing the meds. I have to go on Monday to see if we're adding more medications to the pile. I'm beginning to get anxious about all of the money I'm spending on them. Most of them are $5, thanks to the excellent medical plan at IKEA, but it's still a lot. I worry once the flex spending card runs out for the year, how I'm going to afford all of them. My jerkbrain is telling me I'm taking money from my family, and not worth all the fuss. I'm trying to tell it to shut up.

I'm currently dealing with a new blood pressure med, lisinopril. It's doing the job, and making me dizzy as hell every time I get up quickly. It was needed, because my bp was high, but I'm so used to high that normal is rough on my body.

Aside from the dizziness, we had a nice weekend. Had sushi, which I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do because of the carbs, but my doctor okayed it once or twice a month. It didn't even screw up my sugar. Stayed pretty consistent.

Then yesterday, I promptly forgot to take morning meds and wondered why my blood glucose was so high... D'oh. Some days, I think I just need a minder.
The variety of meds I'm on have to be taken at various times through the day, and I am having trouble remembering them. Also, the blood testing. I'm supposed to test before meals, and I usually think about it about four bites in.

Also, testing my sugar at work is a pain. I decided on doing it at my desk, which makes me feel like there's a giant red light blinking over my head. But the other options were the bathroom (ew) and the staff cafe (which is not something I want to do where people eat.)

I'd like to skip forward to when I'm better at this.

Still, it's Friday, and I'll try to do better today and the weekend.

(no subject)

Jul. 11th, 2018 09:00 am
beanside: (Slinky)
I'm happy to report that I've survived the doctor's appointment. I was a wreck all morning, but he was mostly pleased at the changes I've made,(Starting a gym 3 days a week, watching my carbs) that he didn't give me a hard time. Actually aside from my BP still being a bit high, he wants me to keep doing what I'm doing.

With the gym, I've lost weight, so he was thrilled. I didn't intend to lose any, but I didn't bother explaining it. Eventually, my body will hit the weight it wants to be, and I'll deal with him then.

He actually thinks I'm being a little too strict, and said a cheat meal once or twice a month is okay, so sushi is definitely on the menu this weekend. Just without the tempura shrimp, and with an appetizer of chicken on a skewer, so I have some extra protein.

It's been an adjustment, and at the moment, it's still overwhelming. I had a couple of moments of blanking out at the grocery store, trying to figure out what I could have. (Answer, berries with whipped cream, which I plan to eat the shit out of tonight.) I want to move forward onto when this will all be second nature, and it won't be a big deal to remember when to check sugar, and when to take pills. Right now, I've got the diabetes pill to take before meals, and then the crazy pill after dinner. Half the time, I'm forgetting one or the other and having to go back and do it.

I'll get there, I know. I also will get past the feeling of being made somehow public property, like my blood sugar readings are my self worth. If I have a high sugar reading, it obviously means that I have done poorly, and am therefore a bad person. I feel like it would be really easy for this to slide into disordered eating. Weight watchers was like that for me. I'd cycle my eating around our meeting, so I'd show weight loss, whether it was real or not. I had trouble moving on from any gain.

With how out of control the world feels, it would be easy to slip back into hypermanaging my food intake. Instead, I'm going to try to walk the line of watching the carbs and sugar without obsessing.

I'm also considering going back into therapy. I might need the help.


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