And then, there's a bearded fetus.

Another night of restless sleep unfortunately. If this is a Trulicity side effect, this is gonna be a problem. I'm also still having the obnoxious nausea/reflux and headache. So far, this is definitely no bueno. The sad thing is that I'll stay on it because I don't particularly have a choice. The diabetes didn't flinch at the lower dose, so I need to stick out this dose and the next one and whatever else there is to come because I've gotta get the A1C down.

I wish I could just take a month, fly to China and get the stem cell transplant that would help my pancreas, but alas. I can't take the time off, and it's a lot of money. I'll just have to wait til it comes over here. They're doing trials, so maybe I could get in on one of those.

I'm a little grumpy this morning for several reasons. Our TV flipper has died, and I am unable to watch my youtube videos to quiet my brain. I do have a new one on it's way, but it is not here yet, so when I finish typing this, I will be unable to watch anything for self soothing on the big screen. When you add in "slept in 2 hour stretches, and feel queasy and reflux-y, I'm just not a happy camper. Work is going to be pscyho, and I'm completely without any cope. It's going to be a fun day.

Yesterday, we did end up going out to the HMart for groceries, and first for KBBQ at ChoSun Hwaro, who had delicious food. We split a kimchi pancake and an order of Bulgogi for 2, and it was excellent. I ate way more than I should have, but it was all vegetabkles (mmm, kimchi and pickled daikon. Oh and the beansprouts. Fuck I love those beansprouts. I don't know what they're marinated in, but they were so tasty. The actual food was as good as the sides, with huge portions. I was very stuffed, so it was a good thing we went to HMart to walk around.

Downside, HMart was psychotically busy. After dealing with the seafood counter, Jess needed to go outside for a little while. Still, we got so much good stuff. Beef, seafood, poultry as well as some vegetables and fruits. Of course, then they tried to kill us by packing $200 of groceries into two bags. I could barely lift it. Jess had to carry both in. I also got Jess and my sister some donuts, so that was good. I did not partake, of course.

I know trulicity is doing one thing--when dinnertime arrived, I was no more hungry than I'd been walking out of the restaurant. So that'll be fun.

Tonight, I've gotta run to the pharmacy and the dispensary, so that'll be fun. I may do the pharmacy during lunch and then the dispensary after dinner.

We're one week away from the Danny Elfman concert, so that is super cool. I'm waiting to see about the convention in 1 month. The dude I primarily wanted to see mentioned that he had to cancel for a future convention, but contractually couldn't say which yet. If he cancels ours, I'll reconsider our attendance. It seems like all the people I wanted to meet are cancelling. We'll see.

Okay, time for me to hop off and get my game face on. Everyone have an excellent Tuesday!

I slept til 5:30 today, go me. I was in my sister's bed, which is not uncomfortable. It's just that a small dog was crashed out by my feet, and that meant that I was in an odd position, laying diagonally across the bed. I still slept pretty good, but it was a little akward.

Sister should be home this morning, so if we want to go out, we can. I don't know if we will, but I was thinking about some blackberry picking. It's $7 to pick a quart at a farm near us, and I do love blackberries. Possibly we could also stop for lunch if we take a cooler with us. That could be nice.

Tomorrow, I have nothing to do except a virtual psych appt at 5. So I'll make sure I have a real top on for that.

I'm feeling very slothsome the last few weeks. I get up, I write my journal entry and then I flop on the sofa and watch videos until it's time to make breakfast. I know the videos are my coping system, so I'm not going to stop being slothsome until I have a diagnosis.

Yesterday, we played Marchen for a lovely game full of RP and combat. My players are awesome. I can give them a scene where the crown prince drops off a picnic hamper of breakfast foods, and it turns into pathos as the rogue and bard talk about the bard's death wish. If I can pull off the character arc for the bard, it's going to be that. Of course, in the meantime, I'm going to torment the hell out of them. I purchased a couple of new sourcebooks, Deep Magic Volume 2, and Beadle and Grimm Skullduggery, and my god their spells are *mean*. I love them. There was one called Chaotic Contrition that would make the player incapacitated with grief over what they'd done for a round. And at the start of the baddies next turn, it jumps to another player. It really is awesome for this party, because they are willing to roleplay the aftermath. I can't wait to use it on some of my other groups and see what they make of them. We played for almost four hours yesterday and I only called a halt because my bladder was so full that I couldn't go any longer.

Today, the piper has a date with the crown prince to take a drive through the countryside and have lunchc. Nothing can possibly go wrong with that.

The Marchen group is so much easier to schedule. I think we've played almost every weekend. It's much easier to schedule for a group of 4 players than 7+ players. I've put a hold on most of my games, owign to not being in the right headspace for it, but yesterday I did schedule the Vecna game with my little goth disasters.

My voice has been a problem with DMing and I hate it. The cough and hoarsness means that sometimes I'm relly forcing my voice, or having to clear my throat, and it's just annoying. I don't know what else I can do for it. The doctor was less than helpful when I messaged him. Basically, keep doing what you're doing. We could try steroids, but with my sugar uncontrolled that could be bad, so I'll avoid that until I get that straightend out. Everything that needs to be done is on hold for my damned diabetes. It's bullshit. My body is bullshit.

So here I am with Yoda laying next to me on the sofa. Everytime there's a noise, he looks around hoping that it's my sister, who is his real mother.

I am going to watch some videos, and maybe make myself eggs for breakfast. Yesterday I made scrambled eggs for my sister and I. They had sauteed spinach and feta cheese and sun dried tomatoes. Today I may go for some sauteed mushrooms to go along with my eggs. We shall see. But for now, I will hop off and see what I can get together. Everyone have an outstanding Sunday!

I kept meaning to make an update yesterday afternoon, but all I had was "I survived!"

The oncologist was very nice. I liked them immensely. She also is not willing to do full surgery at this time, which I figured. I tried to do the biopsy again (I offered, they did not ask) and so I hopped into the stirrups, and we tried. Unfortunately, basically as soon as they started trying to force the cervix, I had to tap out. Jesus that hurt. Like someone shoving a kinfe into my belly. Not wanting to scream or pass out, I tapped out.

So, first thing, I need to work on getting my sugar down. Second will be a sedated D&C, to commence when my sugar is a 10 or lower. (I'm at 11.). Next up shall be once my sugar hits 8, I will get surgery to remove Claudio and the faulty uterus.

She also said that she'd like me to have a colonoscopy. Whoohoo. So it's off to go see what that says. No clue yet if they'll be able schedule, or if they're also going to wait til the sugar comes down too.

Then post appointment, we went to the diner and got waffles with strawberries and whipped cream. I figured if I had to do a hard thing, I should have a treat.

Then we came home and I sat on the couch, still cramping and in pain, and we watched videos, and. then Ministry of Ungentelmanly Warfare with Henry Cavil and Alan Richson. We had tried watching it one day before dad passed, but then he called and needed extended help, and we never went back.

Without interruptions aside from Lizzy, it was a lot of fun. Fortunately, she was very sleepy and didn't do much.



Because of our ongoing drama with the toilet overflowing, we were worried that maintenance would come while we were out, so Yoda went into daycare and once we returned, Lizzy was free to roam the house.

After that, I had to leave for my primary care appt. She was also very sweet. She concurred on the colonoscopy, and also suggested seeing a nutritionist and having an endocrine consult to see if they could get my sugar down faster.

SO that's thrilling. I have homework.

Then I picked up Yoda from daycare, and headed home to again become one with the sofa. My trauma ordered Peking duck and dumplings which almost made up for the shitty nature of my morning.

I woke up around 2am coughing, so I came out to the sora where I sucked on a cough lozenge and got myself settled down. Then I slep on our couch til 4:30am and that worked really well. I'm still a little bit coughing this morning, so I'm drinking my coffee to soothe it.

And on that note, I'm going to start getting ready for my morning. Everyone have an excellent Friday!

It's Wednesday! Happy Hump day! I am very sleepy this morning. I have turned off my 4am alarm and will sleep until I wake up, which is always about 4:30am. The actual alarm is set at 5, just in case. So far, I have not still been in bed when it goes off.

The kitty found another bag of treats. Just walked out carrying the bag. I have no clue where she found them, but she's excelent at that. IF it's a bag, she's going to find it and parade it in front of you.

Yesterday was a thankfully normal day. I didn't have to work late, or anything exciting. I did have my annual review, which went fine. I got Exceeds expectations, so that was nice. J had nice things to say about me and how much they love having me in my new roll and how I'm growing into it, which was nice to hear.

OMG, I am currently sitting on the bag that the cat brought out, and she is desperately trying to move my fat ass to get to it. She's so cute, but very persistent.

After work, I watched videos, and made dinner. We had tiny little sliders, which were quite tasty. I made a sauce with ketchup, honey sriracha and mayo and it turned out really well. After dinner, I tried to figure out why my sister's phone was being annoyting and not letting her send texts. Couldn't figure it out, but we found a workaround. She, deprived of her phone was very chatty, so by the end I was ready to scream. I went in the bedroom and tried to settle down, but it took taaking my pills to really help. Then I came back out to the dark living room and watched videos for a while.

The cruise is my happy place right now. I've been trying to focus on that instead of the potential time bomb in my uterus. Tomorrow is the big day, for my appt with GYN Oncology. I hope they're nice and that they can come up with a plan.

I'm trying to stay chill, but I'm very nervous about the appointment. Which I suppose is normal. You don't go to GYN Oncology without being anxious about it. For today, I'm trying not to think about it. Just need to get through today and tomorrow will handle itself.

Okay, I'm going to hop off and watch some videos. Everyone have a fabulous Wednesday!

After a perfectly lovely Sunday, it's Monday again. Ew. I thoroughly enjoyed my weekend.

Sunday was a day for rest, where I barely stirred off the sofa. It was lovely. I spent most of the day watching videos. Cruise videos during the day and then towards the evening, I switched to music, and did a Youtube music hop. It was very relaxing.

Around 5, I decided that I did indeed want some ice cream, so I got up and got dressed and off we went. This time, I got churro ice cream, which was a cinnamon dulce de leche base with churro bits. It was very tasty, but I liked the butter crunch better. But! I planned for that! And right now, there's a pint of butter crunch in my freezer for later today!

I didn't do a whole lot else, was seriously boring. I just laid about like a lump. No regrets.

Cruise Youtube is a weird place. We're currently booked on a Virgin Voyages cruise that leaves out of Vancouver and goes to LA, so I've been watching a lot of Virgin-related videos, and whoo boy, they're pretty polarizing. So their whole schtick is that they're adults only, and they sell it as an adult good time. It's a weird mix of cruisers, but it seems to work for them. Also, it really wildly depends on your itinerary as to how much of a party ship it is.

A weekend cruise out of Miami will probably be a pretty intense party vibe. Longer cruises are less party forward. Ours is an 8 night repositioning cruise, so it's less likely to be too wild.

Still, it seems like people either love them or hate them. There's really no in between. And the people that hate them seem to hate them for the same reason everyone else loves them.

For us, I'm good with a little party. I want to go on the cruise and have fun, and it seems like they have a lot of fun stuff!. I'd like to do more stuff during this cruise, since the outdoor views will probably not be quite as stunning as Alaska, and I'll probably spend less time on the balcony. Though, they do have a purportedly super comfortable hammock on the balcony, so we'll see.

Okay, time for me to go forth and get myself together. This cat is being rotten. She has decided that every bag has treats for Lizzy in it. I just caught her dragging a bag of cotton pads across the room. *facepalm*. Everyone have a perfectly wonderful Monday!

It's Saturday! And I have to work, whoohoo! At least I've got two games to play after. We've got Marchen at 12:30 and then Frostmaiden at 7. I've spent the last two mornings trying to code in all of Tiamat's stats for Frostmaiden. I'm still not done. Holy fuck, that dragon god's turns are going to last for 80 years. I don't even know if they're going to get that far tonight, but just in case, I want to be prepared. I only have four breath weapons and her spells to finish coding, so it's not horrible, but it's still a lot. Unfortunately the stat block that I'm using is a PNG, so I can't even copy and paste. Oh well. I'll get there. I may end up killing one or more characters, but we'll get there.

Marchen, I'm fortunately fully prepped for. I do have a couple characters to make, but they'll be super fast to make, since they're straight forward.

I have been in the shittiest mood the last couple of days. I think waiting to find out about the biopsy and everything is starting to grind on me. It doesn't help the Claudio's been a pissy bitch the last couple of days, and has been giving me fairly significant pelvic pain. I just have no tolerance for stupidity.

I tried to give away work for today, but by the time someone offered, I had already agreed to work admin, so I'm just going to do that. I was really just doubting my ability not to cuss out a patient, but if I don't have to deal with them, then I'm okay. I'll just be in my corner scanning faxes and dealing with that.

Tomorrow I have another game at noon. Fully honest, I'm not that enthused about it. I'm just playing, not DMing and I think it's going to be difficult for me to concentrate. ADHD has been a real pain in the ass. I'll see how I feel tomorrow.

My voice continues to be a pain in the ass. It's raspy, it fades in and out sometimes, and it feels like it's constricted, like I have to really push air to make noise. It's anboying the shit out of me. Plus, I can't fucking sing in the car. I have a "New" Ghost album (the souhdtrack to the concert movie) and I can't sing along with Papa. I hate it, and it's deeply pissing me off. My voice is my job and also my hobby. It's not supposed to fuck with me like this.

5 days til my gyn oncology appt. I'm really hoping that they have some thoughts.

For now though, I shall go forth and try to get myself together for work. Everyone have an amazing Saturday!

Goddamn it, the Grim Reaper better knock this shit off. Dolly Parton made me sad, because she was a good and kind person, but Tim Curry really knocked me back. He was woven into my childhood and life, from the weirdly sexy devil in Legend to the butler in Clue, Muppets Treasure Island and of course, the Rocky Horror. But my favorite may well be his turn as Cardinal Richelieu in the Brat Pack version of the Three Musketeers. I will simply say that that man always understood the assignment, no matter who he played. I remember going to the Rocky Horror when I was 18, and having that instant recognition. These were weirdoes, just like me. And I will forever thank him for giving us someone to see ourselves in.

Aside from that, the day went pretty okay. Work wasn't too stressful. One of the other leads was out, so I got to work Teams for a bit. Previous me had put in PTO to take off at 2:30, which, bonus points, past me! We were going to go over to have dinner, but the home restoration people hadn't come by 3:30, and I just couldn't leave the dog in the bathroom on the hard floor for 3 hours, so we ened up ordering Thai food and waiting til 5pm to leave.

Spoiler, they didn't come. The Thai food was excellent, though. We finally put him in the bedroom, and stuck a sign on the door telling them to come back tomorrow. We still made it to the theater early, and relaxed in the car for a little while before going in.

When we walked in, the theater was mostly empty, and though it filled up a bit, it never got super full. We did have a small child right behind us, who I thought was going to be a problem, but he never was. Only kicked my seat a couple of times when he was gettign up and down.

I honestly didn't care. After roughly a million previews, the lights finally dimmed, and then I didn't stop smiling for 2 hours.

Y'all know I love Ghost, and I had such amazing times at those concerts. This movie was another experience I'll remember. I loved it. I even teared up a coupld of times. First was during The Future is a Foreign Land, when he changed one word. The line changed from "The dark facist regime might be gone" to "The dark facist regime WILL be gone." It made me wibble a little. And then near the end, there was a video of people leaving the concert, and there was a couple, and he dropped to his knee and proposed. And it was just so sweet.

The music and sound was great and loud. They omitted a couple songs for some backstage stuff, but I was okay with that. Overall, it was aweaome. For two hours, nothing else mattered in the world but the music, and I really needed that.



And on that note, it's time to get myself in gear and tuck a small cat into the bedroom before Yoda gets up. Everyone have an outstanding Thursday!

Good lord, I did not sleep last night at all. I figure I dozed til about 1am, then, I woke up and couldn't really get back to sleep. My fan turned itself off at some point, and apparently that was a problem for me. I turned it back on at 3, but I couldn't doze back off, no matter how hard I tried. So that's going to suck when it catches up to me.

It was a long day yesterday. I had forgotten that I was covering the late shift, so I came in my normal time. Result? 10hr shift. I was there until nearly 6:30p, waiting for the calls to die off. That's part of being a lead--you're the last one to leave, just in case anyone needs help. So that pretty much killed my day. I did not really get an evening, just ate and then collapsed on the couch for a couple of hours.

One thing I'm noticing about Vyyvanse is that when it's done, it's done. It works better and lasts longer, but when it stops working, it's done. It means that a lot of time I'm very overstimulated and anxious by bedtime. I feel bad for Jess, as they have to deal with me stimming or not being able to sit still. Lately, I''ve been waiting for my sister to be done, and then I come back out in the dark and watch videos til I settle down. I would really like a low dose Ritalin to take after work that will ease me down. That would make bedtime so much more pleasant. I will ask my doctor, but I doubt he'll go for it. I'm already on two controlled substances with the Ambien and Vyyvanse. I don't know if he'll add a third. I can ask, though.

This morning it seems like Claudio is in find form, fucking with my stomach. I foresee a day of running to the bathroom every five minutes. Love that for me, of course.

I'm debating on going to the farmer's market this week. I haven't this summer, and I'm kind of sad about that. The closest one is tonight in Towson, which is an easy trip. Or there's the big one downtown on Sunday. I could do that, too. I will think on it and see how I feel by the end of the day. The sleepies may have caught up with me by then.

In the interests of not thinking about the uterus and Claudio, I've been watching cruise videos. And seriously, some of these people. I've been considering Virgin for about 2-3weeks, and yet I know more. It's just mind boggling. "I don't research cruises." Well then don't start crying when you can't get a good dinner time at one of the restaurants. This rant brought to you by one couple whose cruise was just ruined by shit they would have known if they'd done a modicum of research.

Most are good and helpful, especially the few plus sized cruisers who have assured me that Virgin is good for fat people. Though one helpfully warned us to bring stretchy pants, because the food was that good. I'm really looking forward to trying the food. It looks super tasty.

I'm in full on research mode, seeing where Virgin differs from Holland America. Spoiler, pretty much everywhere. Holland is genteel, classic cruising. Dress for dinner, we'll put your napkin on your lap for you and help you push your chair in, classic. And I loved it, but I felt like I was receiving aggressive hospitality most of the time. It was fun, but a little over the top.

Virgin seems much more chill on that level. Not that they don't take care of you, but it's not as fussy or formal. It's come as you are. And as someone who has a lot of bike shorts and leggings, that's nice. I don't have to worry about formal night, becasue they don't do that shit. The one thing I got was a red dress for the Scarlet night party.

Okay, time for me to get myself together. Gotta tuck in the kitty before Yoda wakes up. Everyone have a fantastic Tuesday!

It's Sunday, and yesterday wasn't at all what I expected. The beginning was. We played Marchen and had an outstanding game. The players did some errands, watched a strike team interact with Baba Yaga and then went to the ball in Komopoli (analogous to Greece). The errands went well. They found exactly what they needed, and it went smoothly. Then, once they got back, the strike team that has been hunting for the rogue's kidnapped children made to to the Mother of Witches to ask for help.

That went a little sideways, as she could tell that they were watching, and was not fond of parts of the strike team and their attitudes. They got information, and it only ended with one guy with his lips sewn shut and one being castrated as Baba Yaga deemed him to be looking at her servant Vasillia with lust and violence in his eyes.

After that, we went to the ball, where all the champagne was poisoned. The ranger took her herbalist kit to the bathroom and began testing the poison. Sadly her roll wasn't that great, so she didn't get any information, but she did get the poisoner, a phantom rogue stabbing her. Sadly he did a critical hit, and knocked her unconscious in one hit.

This led to the others frantically searching for her, while she rolled death saves in the bathroom. The players were completely freaking out, and it was beautiful. They rolled SO low on their perception checks for like two whole rounds. In the end, it was the paladin's Find Steed hound who found her. She'd already passed two death saves, so there was a good chance she'd be fine, but it was such great drama!.

After that, they got into a little fight with the negative mirror party, including the phantom rogue. That fight is ongoing as we had to stop so I'd have 30 min between games.

About 10 minutes later, one of our neighbors knocked to let us know that the neighbors under us had a leak in the ceiling, and maybe we should check our plumbing. We searched frantically, and found that the toilet in my sister's room was flooded. I called the emergency line for maintenance and we threw down a lot of towels and turned the water to the toilet off.

Then, we took Yoda to the daycare for an overnight. The maitenance came and took off the baseboards ad set up a fan, and then the restoration people removed the pad under the carpet to give it a chance to dry without getting moldy. There's still several large pieces of equipment in there.

They'll be there for a couple of days, then they'll be back to remove them and check everything over.

That was fun. We ended up getting Bob Evans for dinner which was suprisingly tasty.

Today, I'm planning a quiet day, Maybe a nap. We'll see. Lots of videos. We're going to make the most of the day by doing nothing and relaxing.

On that note, I'm going to hop off and get an early start on my relaxation. Everyone have a sterling Sunday!

It's Friday!! Whoohoo!

I did end up calling out yesterday, it was very nice to relax for a day. Today it seems like the pelvic pain has mostly improved. Still have a bit of a headache, though. Hopefully the tylenol I took will help that.

After posting, we took the dog to daycare, because the exterminator was coming at some point. Then we stopped at Bethanie's Bakery to get cupcakes for my sister's birthday. We also grabbed some breakfast pastries. Then it was home to eat and lounge.

Then, my labs started coming back, and it seems like I'm a little bit of a mess. High sugar, high cholesterol, low sodium. Then the tumor markers hit my account. Two of the three were fine. One was high. Reading up on it, it appears that it can be elevated due to inflammation, so I'm doing my best not to freak out, but it's definitely weighing on my mind.

I faxed everything over to GYN Oncology, and they called me back within a couple of hours and scheduled me for 9/3, which is fairly soon, but is also two whole weeks away. Hopefully, they'll be able to help me.

I spent the rest of the morning watching cruise videos. I have no clue if we're actually going to be able to do this trip, since I don't know what they're going to find in the biopsy, or what the treatment is going to be, but I'm going full speed ahead planning it. It's going to be my happy place for the time being.

I found that two my favorite youtubers from the Alaska trip prep also went on Virgin Voyages, which tickles me. They're an older couple, so I'm curious to see how they liked it. Jess and I are going to watch it at some point.

I hate limbo. Right now, it's Schrodinger's Cancer. Does it exist? Does it not? I just want to know. I really wish my cervix had behaved for the biopsy in the office. It doesn't seem fair that I went through that discomfort and still have nothing to show for it.

Okay, time to get myself together. Everyone have an excellent Friday!