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beansideVerse: Captive Hearts
Title: The Wedding Drag
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
beanside and nilchance
Rating: R (and C for crack)
Pairing: Jeff/Jensen
Summary: Arranged Marriage! In Space! With Aliens!
Disclaimer: Never happened, never will. Total fiction.
Note: as suggested by the awesome [info]gblvr for the Egyptian words, just hover your cursor over for the translation.
Banner by the awesomely awesomeangstpuppy
Jeremy smiled as Ever stalked back in. It had been a dirty trick of Jeff to send Ever, but Eater knew, Jeremy didn't want to deal with those assholes again.
She stopped in front of him, eyes dark with anger. "I know your mother was Set'et, but Eater-fuck. They have to be the singularly most obnoxious assholes... What made you decide to marry Jeff off to a Set?"
"You know, I don't really know. I guess there was just something about the girl." Jeremy rubbed his hand through his curls and got up to loop his arms around her. "Is everything okay?"
She sighed, relaxing into arms. "They will be. I think Jeff'll like Jen. But the parents... I want to smack them both. The mother's so submissive that she's practially non-existent, and the father's a complete and total boar."
"So, Set male, in other words."
"Yeah. I still don't know why the Pesedjet saved those fools."
"There are many ingredients in the best of recipes," Jeremy murmured in his best imitation of the Pesedjet's voices. No human could hope to replicate the sound of water singing on stone, but Jeremy's version wasn't half bad, if he did say so himself. Truth be told, he had little use for the Set'et ideal. He wouldn't have set foot on the world if they hadn't contacted him. As it was, he'd gone planning to refuse gently. The image of Jeff with a subservient wife just didn't work, no matter how one sliced it.
Why had he changed his mind, anyway? He'd come down with a migraine halfway through his stay, and truly, he probably would have agreed to anything just to go go lie down. But he couldn't remember the negotiations. "Ev? You don't think... I mean, I really don't remember saying that Jeff would marry the girl. I--You don't think they would drug a son of the Third house of Shu, do you?"
She tilted her head back and looked up at him, and Jeremy had to smile at the spitting anger in her eyes. "Not if they value their intestines. But it's a simple enough test."
Jeremy allowed her to lead him to the meditech and slide his hand into place. Then, she tapped the appropriate buttons. "Computer, scan for all known sedatives, hallucinogenics and psychotic/psycotropic toxins."
The computer beeped, and a small readout popped up, letting them know that he could remove his hand. "It'll take a while to scan through all the toxins in the worlds," Ever said.
"Maybe I'm being paranoid," Jeremy said. "I've always heard that Set'et is a very turbulent world, meteorlogically. Maybe--"
Ever's palm covered his mouth. She said, "Maybe we'll find out when the report comes back."
Jeremy bit her palm, teasing. Hissing, Ever reached around and tugged his hair.
"Hey." Jeff's voice cut in. "No foreplay in the office."
Jeremy mumbled into Ever's hand, then darted his tongue between her fingers. She yelped and took her hand back. "Dog of a Shu."
"Arf," Jeremy said.
"Hmph." Rubbing his spit off onto her pants, Ever greeted Jeff with a nod and folded herself into the chair beside his desk. "I met your wife today."
Jeff dropped into his office chair, sending it skidding back a step. "You're one up on me. Why is the computer on medical scan?"
"Nothing," Jeremy said at the same time Ever answered, "Confirming a suspicion."
Squinting at them both for a minute, Jeff shook his head. "Fine. Don't tell me. How is she?"
"Suitable," Ever said.
"That's not what I meant." Jeff leaned his elbows on the desk. "Is she okay? I mean, she's Set'et, I dragged her out all this way--"
"Jeff, I'm sorry," Jeremy said suddenly, the words spilling like blood from a wound. "I am. It was a lousy negotiation, I fucked up."
Jeff stared at him. "Jeremy."
Throwing up his hands, Jeremy said angrily, "What? You were arguing against it yesterday and now you're set on it?"
"I have to marry some girl," Jeff said, soothing. "Why not her? I think it'll be fine."
"I don't. She's Set'et. What the hell was I thinking?"
"Ever seems to think you made a good choice. Right, Ev?"
"I think Jen will be more than suitable for you," Ever agreed. "Actually, I was going to suggest taking the open wereyet to show her around the city and the gardens. As I recall, Set'et is a primarily water planet, so she would probably enjoy seeing them."
"True," Jeff scratched his beard. "Okay, let's do that. I'll be able to talk to her, at least."
"More or less. She picked up a cold in transit," Ever said. There was an odd note to her voice, one that Jeremy didn't trust. "She speaks very low and very soft."
"That's all right. I'm a pretty good listener." Kicking Jeremy under the desk, Jeff added, "Except when I have to listen to my friend flog himself. It'll be fine, Jere, honest. What's gotten into you?"
Mood altering drugs, Jeremy didn't say, and shrugged. "Nerves, maybe."
"You're supposed to be nervous before your wedding, not mine."
"Yeah, well, I didn't arrange my weddings. They just happened."
"There's a Sekh tradition of consummating on the altar," Ever said with a sly smile. "All these flowers, they get in the way. We tried roses when we married Traci, and the thorns snagged Jeremy in the--"
Jeremy stood. "And on that note, I have a wereyet trip to schedule. I'll see if Alona is available."
"Prude," Ever murmured. There was a hint of triumph about her, and Jeremy had the feeling he'd just been complicit in something he'd never see coming.
Jeff laughed.
Title: The Wedding Drag
Authors:
beanside and nilchanceRating: R (and C for crack)
Pairing: Jeff/Jensen
Summary: Arranged Marriage! In Space! With Aliens!
Disclaimer: Never happened, never will. Total fiction.
Note: as suggested by the awesome [info]gblvr for the Egyptian words, just hover your cursor over for the translation.
Banner by the awesomely awesome
angstpuppyJeremy smiled as Ever stalked back in. It had been a dirty trick of Jeff to send Ever, but Eater knew, Jeremy didn't want to deal with those assholes again.
She stopped in front of him, eyes dark with anger. "I know your mother was Set'et, but Eater-fuck. They have to be the singularly most obnoxious assholes... What made you decide to marry Jeff off to a Set?"
"You know, I don't really know. I guess there was just something about the girl." Jeremy rubbed his hand through his curls and got up to loop his arms around her. "Is everything okay?"
She sighed, relaxing into arms. "They will be. I think Jeff'll like Jen. But the parents... I want to smack them both. The mother's so submissive that she's practially non-existent, and the father's a complete and total boar."
"So, Set male, in other words."
"Yeah. I still don't know why the Pesedjet saved those fools."
"There are many ingredients in the best of recipes," Jeremy murmured in his best imitation of the Pesedjet's voices. No human could hope to replicate the sound of water singing on stone, but Jeremy's version wasn't half bad, if he did say so himself. Truth be told, he had little use for the Set'et ideal. He wouldn't have set foot on the world if they hadn't contacted him. As it was, he'd gone planning to refuse gently. The image of Jeff with a subservient wife just didn't work, no matter how one sliced it.
Why had he changed his mind, anyway? He'd come down with a migraine halfway through his stay, and truly, he probably would have agreed to anything just to go go lie down. But he couldn't remember the negotiations. "Ev? You don't think... I mean, I really don't remember saying that Jeff would marry the girl. I--You don't think they would drug a son of the Third house of Shu, do you?"
She tilted her head back and looked up at him, and Jeremy had to smile at the spitting anger in her eyes. "Not if they value their intestines. But it's a simple enough test."
Jeremy allowed her to lead him to the meditech and slide his hand into place. Then, she tapped the appropriate buttons. "Computer, scan for all known sedatives, hallucinogenics and psychotic/psycotropic toxins."
The computer beeped, and a small readout popped up, letting them know that he could remove his hand. "It'll take a while to scan through all the toxins in the worlds," Ever said.
"Maybe I'm being paranoid," Jeremy said. "I've always heard that Set'et is a very turbulent world, meteorlogically. Maybe--"
Ever's palm covered his mouth. She said, "Maybe we'll find out when the report comes back."
Jeremy bit her palm, teasing. Hissing, Ever reached around and tugged his hair.
"Hey." Jeff's voice cut in. "No foreplay in the office."
Jeremy mumbled into Ever's hand, then darted his tongue between her fingers. She yelped and took her hand back. "Dog of a Shu."
"Arf," Jeremy said.
"Hmph." Rubbing his spit off onto her pants, Ever greeted Jeff with a nod and folded herself into the chair beside his desk. "I met your wife today."
Jeff dropped into his office chair, sending it skidding back a step. "You're one up on me. Why is the computer on medical scan?"
"Nothing," Jeremy said at the same time Ever answered, "Confirming a suspicion."
Squinting at them both for a minute, Jeff shook his head. "Fine. Don't tell me. How is she?"
"Suitable," Ever said.
"That's not what I meant." Jeff leaned his elbows on the desk. "Is she okay? I mean, she's Set'et, I dragged her out all this way--"
"Jeff, I'm sorry," Jeremy said suddenly, the words spilling like blood from a wound. "I am. It was a lousy negotiation, I fucked up."
Jeff stared at him. "Jeremy."
Throwing up his hands, Jeremy said angrily, "What? You were arguing against it yesterday and now you're set on it?"
"I have to marry some girl," Jeff said, soothing. "Why not her? I think it'll be fine."
"I don't. She's Set'et. What the hell was I thinking?"
"Ever seems to think you made a good choice. Right, Ev?"
"I think Jen will be more than suitable for you," Ever agreed. "Actually, I was going to suggest taking the open wereyet to show her around the city and the gardens. As I recall, Set'et is a primarily water planet, so she would probably enjoy seeing them."
"True," Jeff scratched his beard. "Okay, let's do that. I'll be able to talk to her, at least."
"More or less. She picked up a cold in transit," Ever said. There was an odd note to her voice, one that Jeremy didn't trust. "She speaks very low and very soft."
"That's all right. I'm a pretty good listener." Kicking Jeremy under the desk, Jeff added, "Except when I have to listen to my friend flog himself. It'll be fine, Jere, honest. What's gotten into you?"
Mood altering drugs, Jeremy didn't say, and shrugged. "Nerves, maybe."
"You're supposed to be nervous before your wedding, not mine."
"Yeah, well, I didn't arrange my weddings. They just happened."
"There's a Sekh tradition of consummating on the altar," Ever said with a sly smile. "All these flowers, they get in the way. We tried roses when we married Traci, and the thorns snagged Jeremy in the--"
Jeremy stood. "And on that note, I have a wereyet trip to schedule. I'll see if Alona is available."
"Prude," Ever murmured. There was a hint of triumph about her, and Jeremy had the feeling he'd just been complicit in something he'd never see coming.
Jeff laughed.
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![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 02:44 pm (UTC)This story is so much fun. I'm still concerned about the concequences of the big reveal, but the journey there is a great ride. Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 02:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 03:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 04:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 04:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 04:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 04:35 pm (UTC)yup, ever knows
no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 05:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 05:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 05:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 06:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 06:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 07:34 pm (UTC)Hell, I'm enjoying this so damn much.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 08:06 pm (UTC)I was just refreshing my flist last night, hoping for a new chapter of this, and this morning, one magically appears! :D
TODAY IS A HAPPY DAY.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-30 11:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-31 12:40 am (UTC)I can't wait to see what happens when Jeff and Jen meet for he first time!! :D Thanks so much for writing ad posting this!! :D
no subject
Date: 2009-01-31 02:19 am (UTC)And don't think that I didn't notice that her response to Jensen's query that she was gay was "I'm just not picky."
I'm sure there are a million interpretations of how Ever could not be aware, or not consciously aware, that Jen isn't what she seems, but between the warning about the cold, and the choice of the word suitable as an answer, and the "not picky" elision . . . too much of her dialogue feels to me like she's doing the equivalent of playing the pronoun game.
I would also like to point out, for the record, that I'm supposed to care about Jeff here. He's the one whose happiness I should care about and focus on. Or, oh I don't know, the image of Jensen with permanently kholed eyes, and yet, I keep getting distracted by Ever and Jeremy. ::shakes head::
The things your writing and world building do to me. I can't even focus long enough to comment on the proper parts of the story. Meh.
(Also, I never saw the drugged thing coming. That's an interesting spin).
I R Dork
Date: 2009-01-31 02:29 am (UTC)::headdesks::
no subject
Date: 2009-01-31 04:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-31 05:42 am (UTC)Lovin' this!
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Date: 2009-01-31 12:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-31 06:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-01 03:03 am (UTC)I'm curious about possible psi talents, actually. :D
This is not so random as it might appear! We have a post-nuclear population, for one thing-what effects might the fallout have had on the survivors, before the aliens came along to "rescue" them? Also-scattering the survivors on various worlds and then requiring marriage/offspring...that smacks of a deliberate breeding program to me! Ingredients in a recipe? And if you don't fit in, you'll be brain-washed and tortured? SURE! I'm sorry, but permit me to say again that I don't think those aliens mean any good. I REMEMBER V, OK? 0.0
I do like that Ever's making herself Jen's advocate, whatever/however she might know. I love that Jeff's so kind about it all. He might not want to be married to a woman, but he's going to treat her courteously and nicely, which is more than most women married off by arrangement ever got. :)
I wonder if Jen realizes that he won't ever be able to publicly be a man again (unleses they stage the Revolt)? If it's revealed that Jeff's first spouse is *not* female, like he's legally required to have, then...it's off to the funny farm for Jeffie and who know what might happen to Jen, for participating in the fraud? Small comfort to think his family would take a fall, too!
I mean, the aliens *might* allow Jeff to simply marry a woman and make her the senior spouse; but they'll still study his "defect" until he's broken, first-so, not good! If you *do* introduce Jared into the mix as a second spouse...then it might be a bit of a bittersweet thing, because *they* get to be openly together as men, while Jen has to watch himself, even at home, in case they're suprised or they have spying servants or something...*iz paranoid*
I'm amused at the potential for miscommunication, here. How ever will Jen stage the grand revelation-if he does...? Because it's not like they'll want to discomfit a gentle, sheltered maiden with the sordid details of Jeff's sexual preferences, at least not until they test her mettle, heh; so Jen might not find out Jeff's gay for a while! I doubt Jeff'll want to force himself to consummate the union, either, so it'll be all polite going separate ways and courteous treatment, and wtf why am I attracted to this person?!!! just like in a Regency romance! It'll be a romantic meeting of minds, transcending gender and sexuality, to meet as equals across the echoing void of space and time! *rotfl*
Or maybe not. But I had fun thinking about it today while peddling the cold cuts. :D
It'll be interesting to see what kind of person Jen is or becomes, away from his family and stifling culture, and what kind of person Jeff becomes in response to his new responsibilities. They all keep saying "she's Set'et", like that means Jen automatically is going to be some wimpy, pathetic lump...even if he *were* female, that's not necessarily true. Culture shock might just happen for more than one party, here.
And you say this is crack. *shakes head*
i'm pretty sure i had a smart point to make, but i forget it
Date: 2009-02-01 07:54 pm (UTC)*Was* it the family, if Jeremy was drugged? Because I'm sure he didn't meet Jen, or anyone pretending to be "her". Y'know, the whole situation is WEIRD...!
Does Jen's family know Jeff's gay? Did they sell Jen to him because they thought Jen was probably gay, so it'll all work out? Seems a bit more considerate than I'd expect from 'em, but...or did they think Jeff was probably so horny from being single at such a ripe old age (42! a year older than ME, HEY!!! *glowers*) that he'd take a pretty boy, feminized to a fare-thee-well (thank goodness they didn't tattoo his cheeks pink, he'd look like he had a permanent case of slap-cheek!)? If they didn't care if Jen survived the revelation of his gender, why attempt to make him pleasing? ...what kind of punishment do they anticipate, if it doesn't work...if any? Because, after all, it would be Ever's fault as Jeff's representative if she didn't actually inspect Jen. I'm gettin' dizzy! 0.0
HOLY COW, THIS ISN'T GOING TO TURN INTO A MALE PREG, IS IT?! Those aliens might be responsible for all those legends of anal probes, after all...*rotflmao*
I have no idea what I'm saying, I just got off work and it's time for my nap. Smokey says hi! :D
no subject
Date: 2009-03-23 01:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-24 06:51 am (UTC)