Fic: Captive Hearts: The Wedding Drag, Chapter 3

[beanside]

Verse: Captive Hearts
Title: The Wedding Drag
Authors: beanside and nilchance
Rating: R (and C for crack)
Pairing: Jeff/Jensen
Summary: Arranged Marriage! In Space! With Aliens!
Disclaimer: Never happened, never will. Total fiction.
Note: as suggested by the awesome [info]gblvr for the Egyptian words, just hover your cursor over for the translation.
Banner by the awesomely awesome angstpuppy





Jeremy smiled as Ever stalked back in. It had been a dirty trick of Jeff to send Ever, but Eater knew, Jeremy didn't want to deal with those assholes again.

She stopped in front of him, eyes dark with anger. "I know your mother was Set'et, but Eater-fuck. They have to be the singularly most obnoxious assholes... What made you decide to marry Jeff off to a Set?"

"You know, I don't really know. I guess there was just something about the girl." Jeremy rubbed his hand through his curls and got up to loop his arms around her. "Is everything okay?"

She sighed, relaxing into arms. "They will be. I think Jeff'll like Jen. But the parents... I want to smack them both. The mother's so submissive that she's practially non-existent, and the father's a complete and total boar."

"So, Set male, in other words."

"Yeah. I still don't know why the Pesedjet saved those fools."

"There are many ingredients in the best of recipes," Jeremy murmured in his best imitation of the Pesedjet's voices. No human could hope to replicate the sound of water singing on stone, but Jeremy's version wasn't half bad, if he did say so himself. Truth be told, he had little use for the Set'et ideal. He wouldn't have set foot on the world if they hadn't contacted him. As it was, he'd gone planning to refuse gently. The image of Jeff with a subservient wife just didn't work, no matter how one sliced it.

Why had he changed his mind, anyway? He'd come down with a migraine halfway through his stay, and truly, he probably would have agreed to anything just to go go lie down. But he couldn't remember the negotiations. "Ev? You don't think... I mean, I really don't remember saying that Jeff would marry the girl. I--You don't think they would drug a son of the Third house of Shu, do you?"

She tilted her head back and looked up at him, and Jeremy had to smile at the spitting anger in her eyes. "Not if they value their intestines. But it's a simple enough test."

Jeremy allowed her to lead him to the meditech and slide his hand into place. Then, she tapped the appropriate buttons. "Computer, scan for all known sedatives, hallucinogenics and psychotic/psycotropic toxins."

The computer beeped, and a small readout popped up, letting them know that he could remove his hand. "It'll take a while to scan through all the toxins in the worlds," Ever said.

"Maybe I'm being paranoid," Jeremy said. "I've always heard that Set'et is a very turbulent world, meteorlogically. Maybe--"

Ever's palm covered his mouth. She said, "Maybe we'll find out when the report comes back."

Jeremy bit her palm, teasing. Hissing, Ever reached around and tugged his hair.

"Hey." Jeff's voice cut in. "No foreplay in the office."

Jeremy mumbled into Ever's hand, then darted his tongue between her fingers. She yelped and took her hand back. "Dog of a Shu."

"Arf," Jeremy said.

"Hmph." Rubbing his spit off onto her pants, Ever greeted Jeff with a nod and folded herself into the chair beside his desk. "I met your wife today."

Jeff dropped into his office chair, sending it skidding back a step. "You're one up on me. Why is the computer on medical scan?"

"Nothing," Jeremy said at the same time Ever answered, "Confirming a suspicion."

Squinting at them both for a minute, Jeff shook his head. "Fine. Don't tell me. How is she?"

"Suitable," Ever said.

"That's not what I meant." Jeff leaned his elbows on the desk. "Is she okay? I mean, she's Set'et, I dragged her out all this way--"

"Jeff, I'm sorry," Jeremy said suddenly, the words spilling like blood from a wound. "I am. It was a lousy negotiation, I fucked up."

Jeff stared at him. "Jeremy."

Throwing up his hands, Jeremy said angrily, "What? You were arguing against it yesterday and now you're set on it?"

"I have to marry some girl," Jeff said, soothing. "Why not her? I think it'll be fine."

"I don't. She's Set'et. What the hell was I thinking?"

"Ever seems to think you made a good choice. Right, Ev?"

"I think Jen will be more than suitable for you," Ever agreed. "Actually, I was going to suggest taking the open wereyet to show her around the city and the gardens. As I recall, Set'et is a primarily water planet, so she would probably enjoy seeing them."

"True," Jeff scratched his beard. "Okay, let's do that. I'll be able to talk to her, at least."

"More or less. She picked up a cold in transit," Ever said. There was an odd note to her voice, one that Jeremy didn't trust. "She speaks very low and very soft."

"That's all right. I'm a pretty good listener." Kicking Jeremy under the desk, Jeff added, "Except when I have to listen to my friend flog himself. It'll be fine, Jere, honest. What's gotten into you?"

Mood altering drugs, Jeremy didn't say, and shrugged. "Nerves, maybe."

"You're supposed to be nervous before your wedding, not mine."

"Yeah, well, I didn't arrange my weddings. They just happened."

"There's a Sekh tradition of consummating on the altar," Ever said with a sly smile. "All these flowers, they get in the way. We tried roses when we married Traci, and the thorns snagged Jeremy in the--"

Jeremy stood. "And on that note, I have a wereyet trip to schedule. I'll see if Alona is available."

"Prude," Ever murmured. There was a hint of triumph about her, and Jeremy had the feeling he'd just been complicit in something he'd never see coming.

Jeff laughed.

Comments

[livrelibre.livejournal.com]

Yay! This is like the best sort of Shakespearean comedy and I like watching them all dance to Ever's tune:)