beanside | Randomness...

I probably shouldn't be allowed to play online before I have a cup of coffee or three. It gets whacked out posts like this one, where I randomly babble about my family.

I love my family. For anyone who has seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding, you've seen my family. They're not as big, but they're loud, overwhelming, crazy, and loving. Not bad attributes.

Until I was in seventh grade, my mother was a stay-at-home mom. Mind you, this was in part because she was agoraphobic, and couldn't leave the house.

I didn't know that until I was a teenager, though. I thought it was cool that she'd let us go up to the top of the stairs to get the mail by ourselves, not that it was because she couldn't do it some days.

Even with her problems, she was always there when we needed it. She was homeroom mother for as long as I can remember, always baking cupcakes for holidays. I still remember in second grade, one of the girls was diabetic, so she couldn't have regular icing. Mom called her mother, found out that she could have cool whip topping, so she'd dye that the same color as the icing, and make a special one for her, so she wouldn't feel left out. That's just my mother.

She never took us to the local amusement parks, that was my grandparent's job. I never knew that was anything out of the ordinary. I thought everyone had a grandfather that would go on rollercoasters with you, and a grandmother that went to the Snoopy movie with you.

When I was thirteen, my father had a seizure, and couldn't drive for a while. Mom somehow managed to push back her fears enough to do what she had to, driving him to meet his ride to work every day, going to work for the first time so we'd have a little extra money. I know it wasn't easy for her, but she got the job done.

It's something that she's passed along to me, probably her greatest gift of many. Sometimes, you just do what you've gotta do.

The other thing she gave me is permission to stand up for myself. It sounds odd, but I know so many friends who wouldn't dare to make a scene, because their mothers taught them that girls didn't do that.

My mother's take on people who pick on you was "Ignore them. If they push you too far, or lay a hand on you, kick their asses into the dirt." She taught me how to throw a punch while my fellow girls were learning to cross their legs when they wore a skirt. (I still don't sit right in a skirt, come to think of it!)

My father taught me how to use power tools, and how to completely disable a man in three easy kicks, and that girls can do science and math. He's passed down all of his science stuff, and survived the fact that in every sport, I managed to hit him dead on in the crotch with the ball/birdie/frisbee. It's a talent. It's no wonder he didn't come to any of my archery practices! Dad is the epitome of the absent minded professor. He's smart as he can be, but vague and forgetful. It drives me crazy, but it's just his way.

Both of them have reveled in my independence, my willingness to try just about anything. And if what I did confused them or scared them, they never told me not to, just to be careful.

We were never rich, but they created a close little circle of family, where we were loved and protected. And when I brought home Nix, they simply made the circle bigger, and enclosed her in it as well.

And as parents, that was their greatest gift. I will always know that I am loved, and I will never be afraid to say it or show it.

And then, there's my coven, aka the family I chose. It's hard, sometimes, to think that I've only known Den and Sonya for 5 years. In that time, we've been through lifetimes, I think. Two and a half covens, one marriage, two engagements, one broken leg/arm, one wild trip to New Orleans...Yeah. It's been an eventful five years. But more fun than I ever could have imagined--from hurricanes to two hour meditations and back.

In them, I've found friends, people I respect and trust. They've taught me about what it is to be Wiccan, about the intricate dance between the sexes--something I was sorely lacking in before.

In K, I've found a gentle soul, with an underside of steel that I don't think even she knows is there. When the time is right, she'll find it, and then, look out! *grin* She's a well of knowledge on all things crafty and chant-related, and our meditation guru.

Our three newest initiates bring a comfortable balance into the mix, not to mention another guy for Den to do guy things with (even I have my limits!) I've come to love all of them as fiercely as I do anyone.

Speaking of those I love, I'll add my online friends to it. I've fucked up more than once on who I put my trust in online, but with each mistep, I've learned, and the people I choose now are chosen with much more care. I'll never have 300+ people on my friends list, and that's cool. I'm just glad to have the people I know and care about on it. I'm honored that you all have let me share in your joy, hopes, fears and sorrows.

And I'm honored that I've been able to cheerlead or help a few of you.

And then, there's my beloved. I never realized how much love would change me. Then again, I never thought much about love, I suppose. I dreamed of it, wrote about it, but I'd always assumed I'd end up with a cat and a vcr, living alone. Then, I met her, and my life upended.

It's been a wild ride, but I wouldn't trade it for the world, come what may. I can't wait to look back at our five, and ten, and fifty year anniversary and smile at how far we've gone. Yo te voy amar.