(no subject)

[beanside]

I haven't posted in a while regarding the state of T.

That's probably because I'm so disgusted all around that I don't feel like talking about it.



Okay, here we go:

Home:
(God, where to start?)

• Dad was laid off from his part time job. They treated him like shit, so it's not a bad thing, but now he doesn't do ANYTHING. Seriously. Nothing. Which leads into the next one...


• Mom is losing her mind. She's depressed, randomly hostile, and making us miserable. She gets into almost daily fights with dad, and....


• Grandmom is still kicking. Mom is so frustrated with her, I'm amazed she hasn't tried to smother her. Her mind is slowing down a little, and her hearing is bad. SO, you have to scream, and keep it simple. It's lovely.


• Money sucks shit. I'm still figuring out all my finances, and getting back on my feet. My car isn't helping, by randomly turning into a money pit. IT needs nearly $1000 more work on it, but that's going to have to wait.

Work

• I love my job, but the school forms this year have been killer. My brain, it is ded.


• My boss is having trouble understanding the nature of my disability and medication issues. As a result, I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a lazy bum who can't pay attention for more than 10 seconds.


• As a result of the above, he's instituted limited online time during the afternoons, which while it's not unreasonable, but still makes me feel like a 9 year old.

Health:

• My neck is getting worse. The pain wakes me up at night, and I'm considering asking for a delayed release oxycodone.


• The neurontin, which helps a little, also makes me stupid. I lose words, my short term memory is shit, and my focus blows. Am considering requesting Ritalin for this.


• I'm not sure whether it's the drugs or the neck causing it, but 8/10 days, I now have noticeable tremors.


• I'm always tired, because my sleep is for shit. Which can also cause my lack of focus. Yay.


• My depression is only slightly controlled by the Zoloft, however, with no health insurance, I can't afford the other options. This results in depression, and lack of patience, especially with myself.

Jess:

• My bright spot. I live to come home and cuddle her.


• Lyrica helped, but then she got itchy. However, since she's still itchy 2 weeks off of it, it's probably a stupid fibro trick.


• Her boss makes mine look like Ghandi.


• Yes, this would be the woman who is in charge of Disability Support Services.


• Apparently, actually y'know, supporting someone who works in the office with a disability is too much to ask.

Comments

[mona1347.livejournal.com]

Oh baby, I love you. You've been quiet lately and I know you're going through shit, but I'm here and stuff, yes? Yes. *nodnod*

KT took neurontin for a while as her anti-mania med. It helped her for the same reason risperidal helped her - it makes "normal" (=non-manic) people STUPID because it literally slows your brain down. What other options besides Zoloft do you have? Have you tried other anti-deps that come in generic form? I'd regale you with my Pharmaceutical Industry Patents Drug Dealer Rant, but you can probably guess 99.9% of the content. *snort*

Also, I personally feel you on the tremors. My fucking hands shake w/the adderall - they did slightly/occasionally when I started taking anti-depressants but it's noticable and all the time now. I HATE it. I used to have hands like a SURGEON. Now I can't hold out a piece of paper to someone for longer than 3 seconds before it starts rustling.

[meredevachon]

*hugs gently*

[1more-sickpuppy.livejournal.com]

It just sounds like too much to deal with... Don't know how you do it but you're strong. And I don't really know anything helpful to say, but I wish you all better times from the bottom of my heart.

[kimannebb.livejournal.com]

*hugs you* I'm sorry things are so bad right now, try to keepe your head up and focus on the good stuff. Which I know is so easy to say. I wish there was something I could do for you, to help.

[justsonya.livejournal.com]

I hope and pray insurance kicks in again soon for you, honey. Then at least some of this difficulty can be somewhat abated by trying new medications that will be covered. I'm rooting for both of you. <3

[ymmy12.livejournal.com]

i know this will sound lame but --i will say a prayer.

i hope things improve , especially the health issues. everything is always worse when our bodies don't feel well and we are battling physical and mental health issues.

i send a hug* and here's a silly joke to hopefully make you at least smile :)

joke:

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".

The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:

"HEBREWS

[katzb101.livejournal.com]

*sends hugs and lots of support*

[villeinage.livejournal.com]

Hi, luv--

I find, despite the name, that http://www.crazymeds.us is a great site for information. There is also information there about a variety of programs to help folks with no insurance afford good medications.

And yes, those anti-convulsants mess up thinking and memory big-time. I hate that.

Arggh! I can't figure out why I can't make that link work in this comment--sorry--It works fine for me in my browser window.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

**snuggle** I love you too! Wincon and getting to snuggle you and Erin is one of the big things I look forward to.

*grin* Yup.

I'm hoping to have my insurance back up in a month or two, and then, I will be all over that shit.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*hugs back*

[beanside.livejournal.com]

I manage, and I hide a lot in our room snuggling Jess. *nod*

Thank you, sweetie.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

Thanks, sweetie! I appreciate it.

And it will get better, I'm just...cranky today.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

I should have it by the end of October, I think.

*snuggle* Thank you, sweetheart.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*snort* That was a bad one!

Thank you, though. *grin*

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*snuggle*

Thank you, sweetie. I appreciate it.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

Worked fine for me. Thank you!

It's gotta get better from here, right?

[atypia.livejournal.com]

I hope that once you get your insurance back (wtf america, I cannot believe that you need insurance to get taken care of medically)......where was I? Once you get your insurance back, can you go to a pain management clinic or see a pain specialist? Someone has to know something that can help you, goddammit. Because waking up from pain is boooolsheeeeet and in no way acceptible *looks sternly in the direction of your neck*

I have turned into a moron too! Brain fog should DIAF! I begged out of seeing a friend today because my brain wasn't making words properly.

People who work in the field of disability can often be the worst motherfuckers when it comes to acceptance and empathy for coworkers/friends/family. I feel so bad for Jess, that she has to experience that first hand :/

*hugs n lovins to you both*

[caarirose.livejournal.com]

*cuddles* I wish I could do more from here, but I know I can't. All I can do is tell you I love you and if there is anything I can do for you, yell, sweetie, please.

[lomer.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry things are rough right now, hon. *hugs*

[queenofswords38.livejournal.com]

Man, I hope things get better for you.

Also - I currently do audits of health insurance claims to make sure the right party paid as the prime insurer. The point of that is that many CIGNA policy holders love that company.

If you do have to go the personal policy route, that may be one company to consider.

[hederahelix.livejournal.com]

If it weren't the first week of school, I'd write you some porn, but alas, you may have to settle for the imaginary kind of porn.

And, um, not to add insult to injury, but you heard that Watchmen is now going to a hellacious court battle between studios and possibly may take longer to see the light of day, right? (I just heard last night about 9 pm and was disappointed that my flist had not told me so.)

On the upside, you can now picture Jensen soothing a pissed off and cranky Jeff. ::digs frantically for silver lining::

[embroiderama]

You and Jess are both such awesome people that it sucks a remarkable amount of shit that you're having to deal with so much at once. All I can really offer is *hugs*.

[novascotiasam.livejournal.com]

Oh, hon, I do sympathize. Wish there was something more concrete I could do - but love, hugs and positive thoughts are coming your way.

*pets you and Jess gently*

[jane-eyre.livejournal.com]

Have you looked into patient assistance for medications. You can get a lot of medications for free from the pharmaceutical companies if you don't have insurance. It's how I get all my medications.

[fufaraw]

It isn't fair, and it isn't good, but I can certainly hope for better to come, for both of you.

Re: It's gotta get better from here, right?

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*hug* Part of the problem is that I'm fat, so I can't get regular insurance. I have to be on the "high risk" plan. And since that's the same one I had issues with financially, I have to wait until October to get back on there.

But yes. It will get better, dammit.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

Will do, sweetheart!

*hugs* And ditto.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sweetheart! It'll get better, I just needed to whine.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

The problem is that they don't like fat people. *nod* Even without my other issues, I'd be considered too high risk.

But it'll get there.

Thank you, sweetie! *hugs*

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*laugh* Yeah, I saw that. And I figured Jeff would be annoyed.

I'll be okay. I just needed to vent. Thank you for the mental image and the love.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*hug* We'll be okay. It's just been a rough couple of weeks.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*snuggle* I knew you would! I wish I could do more for you, too!

I just remind myself that it'll get better.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

I will do that. Maybe some of the crazy pills would offer that.

Thank you!

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*snuggle* I knew you would! I wish I could do more for you, too!

I just remind myself that it'll get better.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

IT'll get better, I just was having a really bad day.

[brynwulf]

I really don't understand a world that allows good people who deserve better to suffer in so many ways. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this AND a stressful situation at home. Thank the Goddess you and Jess have each other!!

Can't wait for hugs at Wincon!

[lomer.livejournal.com]

Trust me, I understand the power of a good vent. Vent away!

[one-more-cherry.livejournal.com]

*offers up delayed hugs, but hugs nonetheless*.