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beansideIt's Tuesday! I'm halfway through my work week! Today, I should actually have something to do for a little while, unlike yesterday. I was seriously bored yesterday, and then I had a 90 minute "Town Hall" meeting. I loathe these meetings. They're self congratulatory bullshit, though since we didn't meet our frankly insane sales goal this year (no bonus for us this year) we also got chided like two year olds that we absolutely must meet our goals in the coming year. The goals are of course, pretty much impossible to meet. 68% happy customers? Not happening with the stock issues we're still having, and our ungodly slow shipping speeds. All in all, an email would have been fine. Though at the end someone did go off on Steering about the way we've been hiring external applicants instead of promoting from within, so that was entertaining.
I feel like I'm struggling a little bit. I feel so divorced from fandom, and that was my normal social output. I'm trying to force myself to participate on the Confabulation server, with varying results. On one hand, I put in a submission to moderate a panel, and I'm playing a D&D game on there. On the other hand, I still feel kind of an outsider. I miss the days of LJ and the first two seasons of SPN, and I wish I could feel like that about a show again. There are things that I enjoy, but I haven't fallen headfirst into anything in a long time. The closest was the Old Guard, where I lingered on the fringe for a bit, and then withdrew. I guess since I haven't been able to write fic, I kind of feel like I have nothing to offer.
My entire social circle has narrowed to D&D, and so I have put everything into the various campaigns that I run, and probably taken on way too many modules. (Is six a lot? I feel like six may be overkill.) I guess as long as I enjoy it, it's good, and I am still enjoying it. Still, I worry that I'm too invested.
I'm really burned out from taking care of/worrying about Dad. I feel like he's lost some mobility, and it worries me that there's going to come a time when we can't take care of him at home. Also that he's going to fall and we'll have to get 911 in to help get him up. I also feel bad that Jess is stuck taking care of him all the damn time. I do what I can, but I don't feel like it's enough.
I have vacation to look forward to, but deep down, there's a pessimistic part of me that doesn't believe it'll actually happen, and that's bumming me out.
Basically, my anxiety is off the charts. I spoke to my psych, who gave me Atarax, which is an antihistamine and mild sedative, and recommended therapy, which I can't afford and don't have time for. That $45 copay twice a week would just be too much for me to pay. I also don't know how much good it would do when the stressors are still going to be there. The Valium that the neuro gave me for the MRI worked wonders, but my psych doesn't want to prescribe that. It's annoying, and makes me seriously think about getting a medical marijuana card, even though I've resisted because of workplace rules.
Well, that was kind of a feelings dump. I'm just a little burned out and sad, I guess. It'll get better, but right now, things are a little rough.
Okay, I've got to get myself together and get ready for work. Have a good Tuesday everyone!
I feel like I'm struggling a little bit. I feel so divorced from fandom, and that was my normal social output. I'm trying to force myself to participate on the Confabulation server, with varying results. On one hand, I put in a submission to moderate a panel, and I'm playing a D&D game on there. On the other hand, I still feel kind of an outsider. I miss the days of LJ and the first two seasons of SPN, and I wish I could feel like that about a show again. There are things that I enjoy, but I haven't fallen headfirst into anything in a long time. The closest was the Old Guard, where I lingered on the fringe for a bit, and then withdrew. I guess since I haven't been able to write fic, I kind of feel like I have nothing to offer.
My entire social circle has narrowed to D&D, and so I have put everything into the various campaigns that I run, and probably taken on way too many modules. (Is six a lot? I feel like six may be overkill.) I guess as long as I enjoy it, it's good, and I am still enjoying it. Still, I worry that I'm too invested.
I'm really burned out from taking care of/worrying about Dad. I feel like he's lost some mobility, and it worries me that there's going to come a time when we can't take care of him at home. Also that he's going to fall and we'll have to get 911 in to help get him up. I also feel bad that Jess is stuck taking care of him all the damn time. I do what I can, but I don't feel like it's enough.
I have vacation to look forward to, but deep down, there's a pessimistic part of me that doesn't believe it'll actually happen, and that's bumming me out.
Basically, my anxiety is off the charts. I spoke to my psych, who gave me Atarax, which is an antihistamine and mild sedative, and recommended therapy, which I can't afford and don't have time for. That $45 copay twice a week would just be too much for me to pay. I also don't know how much good it would do when the stressors are still going to be there. The Valium that the neuro gave me for the MRI worked wonders, but my psych doesn't want to prescribe that. It's annoying, and makes me seriously think about getting a medical marijuana card, even though I've resisted because of workplace rules.
Well, that was kind of a feelings dump. I'm just a little burned out and sad, I guess. It'll get better, but right now, things are a little rough.
Okay, I've got to get myself together and get ready for work. Have a good Tuesday everyone!
