Fic: Born to Indescision

[beanside]

I figured we'd better get this out before shotofjack did unspeakable things to poisontaster!

Title: Born to Indecision
Rating: R
Authors: beanside and nilchance
Disclaimer: Never happened, all fiction.
A/N: Special thanks to the awesome and amazing embroiderama and topaz119 for the always wonderful beta jobs. *MWAH*



There was something wrong with the new guard.

Not that he was willing to take his eyes off any of them, really. They acted nice enough, though none of them wanted to get too close after hearing what Jensen had done to the one that threatened Christian. They were even helping to pack up their quarters for the move from the barracks.

Nobody told Jensen a goddamn thing, but he'd heard rumors. Bentley's people had begun their retaliation for the Japanese military offering Jeff protection. They'd dragged an officer across the Canadian border and tortured her on the international broadcast. In the barracks, the soldiers questioned why they should die for a plague-bearing whore.

So. Jeff, Jared and the rest of them were moving from the base deeper into Alaska, an isolated outpost where Jeff could be protected by the Alaskan government. The fact that Christian had hired ten bodyguards didn't exactly fill Jensen with confidence in their newfound keepers.

Which brought him back to Momoa, who needed to be watched.

At the moment, Momoa seemed to be doing contortions. It reminded Jensen of the way Jeff moved when his back hurt, the arching and the twisting in place until Jeff was satisfied by a loud crack. But Momoa kept on with it, stretching into different positions and holding, a rhythm to it that reminded Jensen of caged violence. A lot of the positions involved Momoa's ass in the air, inviting somebody to kick him. If Momoa didn't quit looking at Christian like he wanted to eat him, then Jensen was going to oblige him.

"Still watching?"

Momoa's voice gave Jensen a jolt. He leaned back against the wall, reflexively pulling away, then forced himself forward again. He would not flinch. "Yes."

Momoa turned his head, looking at Jensen from his position on the floor. He looked like Bisou, stretched out for a nap, except he had one foot snug up against the opposite knee. "Okay. Am I interesting?"

Jensen shrugged. "I thought you'd be helping to pack."

"I tried. Too many people in there already. Besides, Christian threatened to shoot me if I didn't stop trying to pick up his boxes." Tipping his head back against the floor, Momoa arched, his back like a strung bowstring. He breathed, noisy and steady, then relaxed again and continued talking. "So I figured I'd get in some practice."

"You're practicing laying on the floor."

Momoa laughed and rolled over onto his stomach. "I practice yoga. It keeps me centered. And it stretches the muscles. Haven't screwed up my knees or back yet, which at my height is pretty good."

Jensen had watched Christian's workouts. Intense, two-hour regimens, with sparring against the guards that left Christian bruised and sweating hard. And Momoa's answer was standing still? "You're not doing anything," Jensen pointed out.

"You don't see me doing anything." Momoa sat up in one fluid motion, holding out a hand for peace when his speed made Jensen twitch. Jensen waited for the inevitable pitying apology, but Momoa didn't pause. "I spar and lift weights like everybody else, but that's a job requirement. This is for the inside."

It sounded too much like therapy for Jensen's tastes. But then, Momoa looked lean and strong. Jensen knew he looked scrawny and brittle. Considering, he asked skeptically, "What are you doing, then?"

Momoa smiled. "You want to try?"

Jensen didn't like being seen through. He shrugged again.

"Okay. The foundation of everything is breathing." Jensen must've looked at him funny, because Momoa added, "Deeper breathing. Slower. From the belly."

"Why?"

"It connects you with your body so you don't hurt yourself stretching too far." Momoa shifted in place, getting comfortable. "And it helps deepen the stretch."

Right. Jensen didn't want to connect with his body, or the filth inside it. But he'd asked, and damned if he'd let Momoa see him shy away. "Fine. How?"

If Momoa noticed that every word was a challenge, he didn't react. Laying a hand on his stomach, Momoa closed his eyes and said, "Breathe in from the nose, out from the mouth. Push out against your hand."

Jensen wasn't closing his eyes. He didn't like what he saw there. Instead he watched Momoa, the rhythm of his breath and the sigh of his exhale. He could kill Momoa right now. This yoga thing left him vulnerable.

"It also lets you connect with the world outside you," Momoa murmured. His eyes popped open as Jensen considered whether Christian would be angry if he killed the new guard. "Ready to try?"

"Try what?" Christian asked, voice harsh.

Jensen started, blinking. He hadn't heard Christian come up behind him.

"Yoga. I have my teaching certificate."

"Jensen's not supposed to do any physical exercise," Christian bit off. "Not until he gets some weight on him."

Jensen flinched from the words, and the tone. He'd tried eating. He usually ended up vomiting within twenty minutes, sometimes without assistance. There was no way he was going to be able to do what the nutritionist they'd gotten to look at him wanted.

"Why don't you go help Jared with his boxes," Christian suggested, his tone making it an order.

Momoa shrugged, coming to his feet in a move that was surprisingly graceful for such a big man.

Even after he left, Christian continued to glower at the doorway.

"I'm sorry," Jensen offered, ducking his head. "I shouldn't have-"

"Shit, no, Jensen. It's okay. I just don't want you to have to deal with some asshole sniffing around you."

"Do you think he wants to fuck me?" Jensen asked.

"Not if he likes his dick." Christian ran a hand over Jensen's hair, like petting an especially stupid dog. "But if he gives you any trouble, let me know."

Jensen nodded, the bile sliding up his throat. For one blinding moment, he hated them all. Christian, Jason, Jeff, Morgan, the stupid grunts who were forcing them out, himself. It was becoming obvious. Bentley had seen something in him, something twisted. That was why he was alive.

That was why he couldn't stay. He would taint them all. Bring down death on every last one of them.

***

They were halfway to the new safehouse when he saw Momoa again. Jensen was outside looking for somewhere to vomit, the heavy stew laying in his throat like acid. He crouched behind a stand of trees, jerking his gloves off to shove his middle finger down his throat, stomach revolting almost instantly.

He was wiping his mouth and using the snow to rinse when the deep voice nearly made him jump out of his jacket. "You're probably not going to gain weight like that, you know."

Momoa. Jensen had no weapon. That normally didn't mean anything to him, but he'd seen Jason spar. He had no chance.

"I could scream," Jensen warned.

"And say what? I interrupted your bout of bulimia? Sorry," Momoa shrugged.

"You're going to tell Christian, aren't you," Jensen muttered.

"I should."

Jensen felt his lips curl. It was back to that, then. So much for his "new life." Should have known better. Once a whore, always a whore.

"Whatever you're thinking, no," Momoa said sharply.

Jensen looked up, noting that Momoa had stepped back. "No?"

"I was going to say, that if you'll try to eat, without throwing up, I'll hold off on telling him."

"Fuck. Go tell him," Jensen muttered. "I can't do it. I--it makes me feel disgusting. I can't. Every swallow is like trying to guzzle cold come."

Momoa's lips curled back. "Okay. Thank you for that disgusting visual."

"Slimy, and thick," Jensen continued, taking a perverse glee in Momoa's response.

"Got it. Thank you."

"I can feel it slithering-"

"Oh god, shut up," Jason growled, hand covering his own mouth.

"I'm just saying." Jensen fought back a tiny smile of triumph.

"You're enjoying this way too much," Jason muttered. "How about we try to find something that doesn't make you feel sick? Small amounts, until we get you used to eating."

'We.' Jensen wasn't sure he liked that. Jason wasn't part of 'we,' not yet. "The nutritionist-"

"Wants you to jump into the deep end of the ocean before you ever learn to dog paddle. You can bet your ass she never had to work with Agroboxes or protein tabs." Jason made a face. "Listen, I had trouble eating at first. I can suggest some things. Do you want my help?"

Jason was making it a choice. Not something he had to do for Christian, Jeff, the country, or for his own good; it was his decision.

Shifting his feet, Jensen shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket. He felt empty now, light-headed. Controlled. But eventually, somebody else was going to figure out what he was doing. Maybe one of the other guards. Maybe Christian. It would hurt Christian so goddamn bad if he knew.

But Jensen didn't know how to let go of it.

"Did you throw up?" Jensen asked, not looking at Jason's face.

"No, I didn't. But I wasn't in as long. I didn't see as many things as you have." Jason paused, apparently considering, then added, "I wasn't a warrior like you."

"Like- I- what?" Jensen stared at Jason's face. It wasn't a joke. "You- I'm not a warrior. I'm a whore, I was a weapon, I didn't... I didn't do anything."

"I've seen your file. You killed several dangerous men, bad ones. You gathered intelligence for Jeff's administration to use against Bentley, did it for years. You survived." Jason's smile had edges. "Twenty years? I broke under two."

"I don't think you broke." It sounded stupid, considering how long Jensen had actually known Jason, but... "Okay, maybe it hurt, but I don't think you-"

Jason silently rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, baring several needlemarks on the inside of his arm. "From sedation," he said. "In the ward where I was under suicide watch."

Jensen stared at him. "You don't... I mean. You seem-- you're strong."

Jason shrugged. "Now. But that doesn't mean I always was."

"Oh." Jensen studied him: sturdy, steady, tough. Surviving. If he swallowed everything and tried hard enough, could he be like Jason? "Okay."

"Okay?" Jason eyed him. "That easy?"

"I'll... try." Damn, he had a bargaining chip in his hands for once. Jensen added quickly, "If, once I'm stronger, you'll train me to fight again. I won't be helpless."

Jason nodded. "Do you still want to learn yoga?"

"Christian'll be pissed." Right at that moment, Jensen wasn't sure if that was something good or bad. "He doesn't trust you."

"I think I'll survive," Jason said dryly. "I don't think he trusts many people."

"You want to have sex with him, don't you?"

With a sigh, Jason rubbed the back of his neck. "I'll answer that on the walk back to the kitchen, if you don't mind."

Kicking another bit of snow over the place where he'd vomited, Jensen started walking. Their footsteps were the only sound in the eerie wilderness quiet, a bone-crunch that reminded Jensen of the night Jeff had run him to ground. Funny how he didn't feel any stronger than he had then. He'd just stopped running from his nightmares, or at least no further than the bathroom.

"I like your brother," Jason said finally. "I respect him. And yes, I find him attractive."

"So you want to have sex."

"More than that, I think. I'd like..." Jason thought, his eyes still scanning the horizon. "I would like to help him."

Help him out of his pants, probably. "Christian doesn't need help."

Jason made a noncommittal noise and opened the back door, gesturing Jensen inside. The warmth swallowed Jensen, making him dizzy. Christian had gone to negotiate with the local chief. Deeper in the house, Jensen heard Jeff talking with Jared.

Shrugging off his coat, Jason headed to the stove.

Jensen followed, watching as he put a kettle on to boil, and opened a packet and dumped it into a bowl. Dried bits of white surrounded by powder didn't look much different from what he'd been eating in the US, really.

"It's poi." Jason poured the hot water on it and stirred. "A Hawaiian specialty."

"It looks like..." Jensen faltered trying to figure out exactly what it looked like.

Jason laughed. "I know, it looks like it was already eaten. It's good, though. When the US outlawed all Pan-Asiatic food, they kinda fucked themselves over. A lot of the Oceanic countries have lived for years off limited food supplies. A lot of really good nutritious food comes out of those regions." Jason poured water into the bowl, and stirred the contents. Then, he slid into the seat across from Jensen and offered him a spoon.

Jensen took it and stared at the pale mush for a second, waiting for his stomach to protest. A light scent reached his nose, not unpleasant, nothing like any food he'd known. With a glance at Jason, who was eating his poi with gusto, he took a little taste.

It was surprisingly not bad. It had a mild flavor, and it went down easy. Afterwards, he felt okay. Not sick. Just warmed. "That was... good," he finally offered.

Jason smiled. "I'm glad you liked it."

"Is it snack time?" Jeff asked, wandering into the kitchen.

"Nah, I was telling Jensen that there's a lot of good pan-Asian food to catch up on."

Jeff glanced at the packet and grinned. "Poi, always a good start. God, I think when I was in Hawaii last, I practically lived on that stuff. Ooh, I'll have to find a recipe for those little rice flour balls. God, they were good."

"Mochi? I've got that recipe. I'll have to show Jensen how to make them. I think he'd like them, too," Jason murmured, glancing at Jensen. "They're sweet little balls of fluff. Kinda like bread, but not. Hard to explain."

Jensen nodded like he had the faintest clue what the fuck they were talking about. All that he got out of the discussion was that Jason was covering for him. It made him nervous. Why would Jason want to help him?

When Jeff wandered back into the living room, Jensen looked at Jason. "I don't get it. What do you get out of this?"

"I like being helpful." Jason shrugged. "And I like you."

"No, really. What?"

"If it makes you feel better, you can pretend that I'm doing it to look good in front of your brother."

Jensen eyed him for a moment. "Okay. I can work with that." Somehow, the explanation didn't sound quite right, since Christian seemed more likely to be pissed at Jason for hanging around, but it was better than 'being helpful.' Really, who the hell would fall for that?
*****

The chief of Alaska's security caravan was apparently two pickup trucks and a driver named Bo.

Jensen wanted to sit in the truckbed with Bisou, but Jason and Christian had claimed it. Judging from the strung-tight expression on Christian's face, it wasn't even worth asking him to switch. So Jensen sat wedged between Jeff and Jared in the trunk's bench seat and watched Christian watch Jason. Bo played bootlegged copies of Japanese pop, electronic noise blaring as they rode down bumpy, winding roads lit only by headlights. Once or twice, they had to stop because there was a caribou in the road, staring at them in blunt challenge. Not surprising. Already sparsely populated, the cities of Alaska had been hit hard by Deathknell because of afflicted refugees from Canada and Japan. Afterwards, the wilds of the country had grown in and taken over. Its interstates were mostly gone, the oil pipeline cracked and useless because of energy piracy.

The chief of Alaska managed to govern the country's scattered population by mutual agreement that she was better than outside interference. Their borders were locked tight and heavily guarded. Any slave trade or human bondage inside Alaskan territory would be isolated and brutally dealt with. Otherwise, aside from a yearly meeting of representatives, the tribes tended to rule themselves.

It didn't answer why they'd chosen to take in Jeff, but distance alone would be protection.

The house wasn't what Jensen had expected, when they'd finally reached it. He'd expected something like Bentley's house--an ostentatious fortress. Not this little cabin in the woods.

Jeff climbed out, tugging his hood up against the cold and snow. He led the way to the door, smiling at the woman who opened it. "Madame Chief," he murmured. "It's good to see you again."

"And you, Mr. President. Come in." Her voice was soft, a girlish edge blunting its strength. As they entered, Jensen could see that it matched her perfectly.

Jeff hugged the older woman tightly, rumpling her dark red hair. "It's been too long, Mary."

She was older, Jensen saw--maybe in her fifties, but her eyes were alive with mischief and laughter. She smiled widely at Jeff, squeezing his hand. "I hear congratulations are in order for the newlyweds."

Pink touched Jeff's cheeks. "This is Jared," he murmured. "He's my soul."

Jared extended his hand. "Ma'am."

"Jared, I'd like you to meet Chief Mary McDonnell. We go way back."

"My pleasure," Mary murmured. "You certainly know how to pick them, Jeff. Can you find me one like that?"

"I'll see what I can do."

Jeff turned, meeting Jensen's eyes, and felt himself tense. He shuffled a few steps forward anyway.

"Mary, this is Jensen."

She stepped forward, eyes focusing on Jensen, and he fought the urge to step back. "So you're the one that has Bentley's panties in a twist?"

"Um. Yes?" he said hesitantly. "I guess?"

Her smile bloomed again. "Good for you. Come in, we've got cider on the stove." Linking her arm through his, she drew Jensen into the warm house, leading him to a kitchen that he'd have killed for.

"Oh, wow," he breathed, looking up at the rack of gleaming copper pans.

"You like to cook? Me too. Gives me something to do that I can see, and touch. Can't do that with border disputes, or laws that need reinterpreting."

She wasn't what he'd expected.

Not that he had a lot to compare her to, but still. She dipped warm cider into a mug, and took a sip first, so he'd know it was safe. Jensen got the feeling he wasn't the first slave she'd met.

By the time Jeff made their excuses, and got them back on track for the new compound, Jensen was barely half-awake-- stuffed with cookies and cider, staring blearily out of the car window as the snowy landscape flashed by.

In the truck bed, Jensen could see Kane shivering, spine rigidly straight. Before Jensen could make his sluggish brain work out how to make room for Chris in the truck, Jason was scooting over to Kane's side. Draped in a thick, furry blanket he must've taken from Mary, Jason held out an arm and said something. Jensen didn't see Christian move, but after his next drowsy blink, Christian was snugged tight against Jason's side with the blanket wrapped around him. Christian looked disgruntled, but Jensen realized that it didn't bother him to see it.

He didn't want to gut Jason for touching his brother, and he wasn't at all sure what that meant.

*****

"Jen," Jeff said, gesturing slightly. "This is yours."

Jensen sat on the edge of the bed, because he had to, and stared at the room around him. The house was nice, securely surrounded by the guards' houses. It wasn't the wide-open sanctuary of the house in Vancouver, but it had a huge kitchen and a fireplace. There had been a daybed tucked discreetly in Jared and Jeff's bedroom, a space for Jensen on the bad nights. It was more than enough, more than he deserved.

He hadn't expected this.

The room was huge by slave standards. There were some twenty steps of open space between the bed and the wall full of bookshelves. The colors were all vivid shades, deep autumn colors: red and gold and orange. The sheets were soft. Jason had put a rolled up yoga mat in the corner. There was a window, books, a painting on the wall, and a desk with an orchid on it. Morgan's flower.

Jeff pulled the desk chair out and sat, lowering himself to Jensen's sight line. "What are you thinking?"

Jensen swallowed hard, rubbing the throw between his fingers. When he looked down, he recognized the yarn. His throat locked up. "Jared made this."

"He did," Jeff agreed. "And Kane picked the colors and the books. I looked them over first, since he's kind of taste-impaired."

Jensen surveyed the room again, helplessly. On the second pass, his attention snagged on the painting: a copper bowl of golden apples, candlelight kissing every surface. It was lush, sensual, and it was one of the paintings Jeff had kept in his loft.

"It's so much," Jensen said. "It's... Jeff, it's too much."

"Okay. Maybe it's a little, uh, over the top. But you can fix it up however you want--"

Horrified, Jensen flapped at him. "No, that's not... it's beautiful. I love it."

Jeff smiled like he'd light up the winter darkness. "Good. Then it's settled. Welcome home."

The word snagged in Jensen's heart, hurting pure and clean.

Comments

[way2busymom.livejournal.com]

This was worth being late to work for!

[qwertypoiuq.livejournal.com]

*dreamy sigh* I could seriously read this 'verse forever, my heart does a little tapdance of joy every time I see an update. I've missed Jensen's interaction with Jeff (and Jared), the ending was utterly gorgeous and it's good to see Jason treating Jensen like something other than glass. Wonderful stuff!

[laurel-less.livejournal.com]

I love how Jared never makes Jensen's list of people he hates, because he's my favorite. Jason quietly taking care of Jensen and Christian while they are both being protective of each other is so sweet. I like the image of them all living together in a warm little cabin in Alaska.

[frightened.livejournal.com]

"Fuck. Go tell him," Jensen muttered. "I can't do it. I--it makes me feel disgusting. I can't. Every swallow is like trying to guzzle cold come."

DUDE! Just when I'm drinking a glass of MILK! Ah, DUDE!

[frightened.livejournal.com]

"Okay. The foundation of everything is breathing." Jensen must've looked at him funny

This cracked me up, because my response to anybody telling me to breathe is "I AM fucking breathing! You can tell cos I'm not DEAD!"

"Do you think he wants to fuck me?" Jensen asked.

That does a really good job of showing how broken Jensen is, the way he just asks it.

Wonderful chapter, very raw. And omg, Mary McDonnell! She will fix everything with her slightly scary awesomeness! (Or probably not, cos you know, that would be a bit abrupt.)

[ladykatiewench.livejournal.com]

Holy Moly! This story is so friggin' amazing! I just want Jen to get better! Please? The poor boy needs to get better!

[brynwulf]

I'm so thrilled to see more of Deathknell and tickled that Mary has made an appearance. Thank you two so much! Your rich world building has me pea-green with envy, though. :)\

[fureux.livejournal.com]

oh mary! i always wonder what cameo-bomb you guys are gonna drop next and it always suprises me. bravo!

[thevulgarvirgin.livejournal.com]

Awesome part, mainly because Jason is helping Jensen out and Jensen gets his own room, yah! I swear I could read this 'verse foevah!

[ysbail.livejournal.com]

Oooh ... Jensen doesn't know how to handle kindness, can't trust, feels like he taints everyone and everything with his presence ...

I love all of your verses - and you create Jensens (all of them) that I want to take home and mollycoddle ....

Whenever you post something new it makes my day - thankyou.

[curtainpull.livejournal.com]

Yay. You ladies know you are amazing, right? You don't need me telling you that? Well, you are. WOMDERFUL. And made of talent, of course!

[topaz119.livejournal.com]

You're so welcome, as always, and I love the poi, even though miso is what I go for when I'm feeling sick. It works perfectly with Jason.

[wysawyg.livejournal.com]

Awesome timing. I just finished re-reading the whole verse and I clicked back and thought 'Huh, the ordering seems to have shuffled down a bit' so I scroll up to the top and what do I see? New installment. Awesome.

I love this bit. Nice and long, definitely worth the wait. Lots of broken Jensen, over-protective Kane, just damn cool Jason. Can't wait for the new part. Thanks for writing.

[bathsweaver.livejournal.com]

::HAPPY::

Oh, thank you so much. I think I get more excited about updates from you guys than anyone else out there. Thank you so much!

[deathangelgw.livejournal.com]

oh man, I love this series so much it hurts! More soon, yes? cuz.....oh man withdrawal already!

[lomer.livejournal.com]

Yay new Deathknell!

I'm so glad Jensen's starting to get angry. And I love Jason and yoga. Yoga'll kick your ass. It's a fantastic work out though, and it's great for body and mind. I think it'll be a good fit for Jensen. I'm glad he's starting to rebel a little, even if it's negatively like throwing up. Hopefully that'll get funneled into more productive independent thinking. I love his POV. I may not always agree with it (because I don't think he's a whore who's tainted), but you always see exactly where he's coming from. His logic makes perfect sense, even if it's flawed by abuse.

And Mary McDonnel was in this chapter! I adore her! *g* She's such a sweet lady with a naughty sense of humor. I listened to her speak at a convention once, and she had Jamie Bamber blushing like crazy. I don't know how she is with her friends, but her public persona surprised me! She's positively charming. *g*

Wonderful chapter. And Jeff showing Jensen his room at the end made it perfect. Jensen's finally figuring out he has a home.

[siubhlach.livejournal.com]

*loves Deathnell*

Actually, scratch that

*loves all your fics*

That was fantastic. Your broken!Jensen is just wonderfully original and I love his perspectives and interactions with other people.

Awesome guys, thank you!

[siubhlach.livejournal.com]

Wow, it seems I love it so much that it actually impairs my ability to spell!

That would be Deathknell, of course...

[kelly-girl.livejournal.com]

I didn't want this part to end. I really liked Jason trying to help Jensen and the way he wants to help Kane. Two different things but these guys need someone who doesn't want anything in return.

Excellent story, you guys.

[spinfrog.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the cold cum bit! Everyone and their grandma is always writing their characters scarfing it all down long long minutes after it's cooled off, like it's the tastiest thing ever. Yuck! :)

[sharonmarais.livejournal.com]

Oh that makes a lovely bright wound. I can barely breathe after that. Thankyou.

[kjfri.livejournal.com]

Thank you!! Luv distrustful Jensen ready to kill if needed (I'm with Jensen, I don't believe Momoa is doing all this out of the goodness of his heart, but I'm a cynical gal, what can I say). And poor broken Jensen hating himself so much he thinks he'll bring death down on all of them. Please may we have some more?

[apieceofcake.livejournal.com]

Lovely update :-)

[eloise-bright.livejournal.com]

Ow. In the best and most beautiful way possible. Your Jensen POV breaks my heart and then slowly pieces it back together again. The description of his nausea was brtually visceral; I could feel my stomach turning over in sympathy. Can't wait for more.

[spazzer-mctwich.livejournal.com]

God I love this verse so much. This is such an incredibly and well written story, I can't wait for the next one.

[1more-sickpuppy.livejournal.com]

I love this story to death. Just to death!

You squeezed every goodlooking guy in there but it's still SPN, and still Deathknell. There's the douche!Chad and the dread-ed Mimosa, and bonus points for Mary McDonalds. *g*

I'm just so happy for this chapter with it's angst and fluffy goodness, and I hope the threat of unspeakable things being done will spur your muses to further efforts soon.
Big love, juicy Josie

[avid-slacker.livejournal.com]

It's ridiculous how happy Jensen's baby steps make me. He ate Poi and cookies and I wanted to cheer.

[kibebe.livejournal.com]

This is great. I love this 'verse and love how you're pacing it. Awesome work.

[stormcloude]

You can't see it, but every time you post a bit of this I get all clappy and bouncy in my chair. *^_^*

[celestialseason.livejournal.com]

I love this verse so so much!
It's great to see Jensen slowly changing, and nice to learn a little more about Jason. I'm glad Jensen is accepting of Jason's help and that Jason seems to know how to get through to and interact with Jensen.
Thanks so much for sharing!

[hanahap.livejournal.com]

*Which brought him back to Momoa, who needed to be watched.*

I love this. Jensen just doesn't know what to think about Jason. I just don't think he has it in him yet to believe that Jason just wants to help! And he really doesn't trust him, does he! I wonder - does he completely trust Jeff, Jared and Chris, or will things in the future show just how tentative Jensen's seeming rehabilitation actually is.

I wonder whether his vomiting is a form of rejecting the rehabilitation? He just can't accept what people who are *free* do for others! Oh, breaks my heart...but yet I love broken Jen too! What a conundrum!

Great to see an update - it just makes my day so much better to read such a wonderful, well-written fic. And the characters are all just so skillfully crafted! Much like Jason's attempts to be-friend Jensen. And Jensen gets his own room! Yay!

Things are looking up, but I'm hoping that it won't be the end of the angst...

Don't worry about a reply to this comment- you gals just keep on working on more wonderful fic!

[keyweegirlie.livejournal.com]

I really love Jason in this...his 'quietness' is something that Jensen really seems to need in my opinion.

Can't wait for more..
*hugs*
-C-

[amandabelieves.livejournal.com]

This was an absolutely wonderful chapter. Well worth the wait. I'm really looking forward to reading more! Thank you so much. *^_^*

[paintmydays.livejournal.com]

Love this 'verse!

[glitterglam13.livejournal.com]

This not only made my day, it made my week. It was just that amazing. Whenever you post on this 'verse you manage to leave practically speechless and this chapter wasn't an exception. I had to wait like a day to leave a somewhat coherent feedback.
I love how you're building your world and everybody's character. How you really feel like you're getting to know each of them. And again I have to mention how much I love the shifting POV.
I adored Jason and Jensen's interactions. It makes so much sense that it would be someone that's not as close to the whole thing to be the one that finally gets through to Jensen. But of course there's still such a long way to go, even while there are hopeful glimpses, like the fact that Jensen didn't want to maim Jason when he touched Chris. There's the part that worries me the most: It was becoming obvious. Bentley had seen something in him, something twisted. That was why he was alive.
That was why he couldn't stay. He would taint them all. Bring down death on every last one of them. .
Now I'll just be in my corner obsessing. I think I've never been this involved in a piece of fiction and it's all due to your wonderful wonderful writing.

[iwwfw.livejournal.com]

Just when I think I can't love the relationships y'all have already developed more and surely there isn't any additional room in my heart for new ones, you throw out these woven threads incorporating new ones so beautifully. They capture my heart and amazingly, my chest expands, effortlessly making room for the new characters and story. And I surprised at how much more I fall in love with the what you've masterfully created here.

I love what y'all are doing with all of the characters, the ugly and the beautiful, the flaws and the virtues. I don't know that there are more complex, varied, real characters than what you've done with those in this fic.

[kbpen.livejournal.com]

*Dances with joy* Jason is fabulous! Like a gentle unstoppable good force. I love how you took Jensen from suspicion to grudging acceptance. And Jared was not included in the list of people Jensen momentarily hated. So cool, but then, who could hate Jared? And the scene with Jeff at the end was so sweet. I think they are all going to be alright. :)

[novascotiasam.livejournal.com]

More Deathknell! Beams at you, with eager abandon!

The scene with Jason tugging Christian under the fur blanket with him, conjured up this CK expression.

Jason practising yoga and taking Jensen under his wing... Yep, I think I really want this guy for our broken Christian. *g*

[simca23.livejournal.com]

Yea! I'm so glad to see another chapter in this story.

I really like the interaction between Jason and Jensen. I'd like to see them get together (even just for a bit), but I'm perfectly happy with the relationship as it's developing.

I like the idea of Jason as being completely in touch with his body, and helping Jensen get into touch with his own body. I like Jensen's wariness, his distrust, but his eventual decision to listen to what Jason has to say.

All in all, please keep up the good work. :)

Kelly

[wyoluvr.livejournal.com]

that was awesome and beautiful. and if Jason and Christian get more together time and OMG are happy...well, i'm really very excited in any case *g*

[guard-the-cards.livejournal.com]

I love it! Totally worth the wait and amazing and guah... and I love how Jensen is rebelling in his own way, even though he's not going all out he's definatly talking back, and thinking and observing so much more..

And his and Jason's talk was amazing. I love the universes you guys create

[indusnm.livejournal.com]

Oh yay! I totally missed this the first time around. Thanks for posting this installment- it's interesting to see the characters play in.

More

[(Anonymous)]

this is perfect... please more...

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Wow! Just spent my Saturday reading everything you have to date in this verse. And again I say: WOW! Excellent job making Jared so loveable, Jensen so adorably broken, Jeff so wonderfully manly (and Presidential, lol) ... you even included a major lust of mine - Jason Momoa! You go, girls!

Am looking forward to more of this 'verse.

[keerawa.livejournal.com]

I'm not a warrior. I'm a whore, I was a weapon, I didn't... I didn't do anything
Gah. I just want to bundle Jensen up and SAVE him. Luckily, evryone else is doing what they can, too. Jason, making a deal, showing off his sedation scars, and getting Jensen something to eat he'll be able to keep down. Jared and Chris and Jef, all making a hone for Jensen. *sighs happily*