'Cause I'm the serpent, I'm the flame, the mortal world is scared to say my name.

[beanside]

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I bring you another song from Hazbin Hotel. All you need to know is that the first singer is Lucifer, and the second is the megalomaniacal sinner who's trying to take over Hell. The song includes the phrase "we'll make hell great again." It's awesome.

We're almost to Friday, y'all! I'm still coughing, but I'm hoping it clears up in the next day, because we have a TON of games scheduled. Or that I can butch through what we've got. It looks like someone can't do our Sunday game, so that's one less that I have to DM. I was looking forward to it, but it's okay, we can reschedule, and that gives me a little downtime on Sunday.

Yesterday was a good day. A lot of calls, but also a lot of shcedule wiggling. I got a lot of patients in for urgent appointments which alsways makes me happy. I like taking someone who's scared and worried, and getting them in quickly. Hopefully they'll have good outcomes. Today, I've got a Cardiac CT slot to fill for tomorrow, and then whatever else the day brings.

dine frequently does the question of the day on her journal. Todays was: Do you look back on your school days with fondness? What was your favourite subject to learn? I had an initial response that was just a hiss, but then I thought about it.

And my second answer is still a hiss. I hated school. I was a little anxious kid with learning disabilities in the 1970s and 1980s. In elementary school, I would have panic attacks. In Kindergarten, they gave me a plastic stretch bracelet with flowers. I was supposed to use it (?) to ward off my inconvenient crying jags. Did it work? Fuck no. Then, I got to first grade and reversing letters (b and d? c'mon now), they put me part time into special education. Where to help with this, they taught me cursive. (yes, really) Then, they'd send me back to my regular class where I...wasn't allowed to use cursive. Second through 4th was okay, but then in 5th, I had a massive allergic reaction to an antibiotic. Full anaphylaxis. The teacher was not sympathetic. It was a real pain in the ass.

In Middle School, the anxiety came roaring back, and brought it's friend, depression. I had one good year, and then it went to shit. I failed Science and Social studies. So, to allow me to pass, they had me take summer school in...math? They didn't have science or social studdies, so they decided to put me into math class, which I'd passed just fine. It was not a good crowd. I nearly got my ass beaten repeatedly by my fellow students. It was great. I faked an asthma attack to leave early on the last day, becaause I was getting my ass kicked that afternoon, I had been assured.

High School sucked even more, as I went in on day one and thought "I can't do this for four years." I failed to turn in work, missed a ton of time where I just refused to go in, and then would come in and ace the final exam. The one teacher was nearly in tears that he had to fail me, when I'd gotten the highest grade on the final. He actually cared. The rest were just too burned out. I dropped out in (what would have been) my junior year and got my GED.

My favorite subject was probably history. We had to take a year of civics class, and I loved that.

The depression would continue to be a problem until I hit about 27, when I had a doctor who finally gave me zoloft. I mean, it's been a problem off and on since, but I've at least been medicated.

Today, I have a few packages coming. One is seafood, one is meats and one is my slippers. I am excited for all of them, but the seafood is high on the list. It's going to include Dungeness crab, which makes me very happy. Whether I cook that tonight or tomorrow is up in the air, but we'll see.

Okay, time for me to go forth and get myself together. Everyone have a terrific Thursday!

Comments

[lucy_roman]

I hear you on the awful school experience. At least it's all behind you now. That's what I tell myself.
:)

[beanside]

Definitely! Though certainly the scars still linger for a long time. I really just feel that I've shaken that off over the last few years.

[lucy_roman]

I think the things that happen to us in childhood always have the longest effects. But it's good that you're moving away from that.
:)

[dine]

wow, that was indeed a hellish school experience! I'm glad you survived, and dropping out sounds like the best solution. I will never understand the whole "the best years of your life" BS that so many people spout

[summerstorm]

So many stars have to align for that to be the case, by which I mean you need to be as close to the "default" as possible (white, cishet, able-bodied, able-minded, upper middle class on up in terms of family wealth, neurotypical, some flavor of Christian or at least non-religious without mentioning it, skinny, preferably conventionally attractive, etc.) or there's very little chance it will be better than "meh."

[dine]

that's so sadly true. as I didn't (and still don't) tick all those boxes, my own experience wasn't optimal, but nowhere as awful as described above

[beanside]

It 100% was. I just wish I'd gotten help earlier, so college had been a possibility. I was far too fucked in the head until I got older, and then I was in a low-paying job for far too long, and wasn't able to afford it.

[summerstorm]

My school experience was definitely on the bad side of neutral, but definitely not this awful. I'm sorry it took so long for anyone to take you seriously. I do relate to being given life-changing medication years and years and years after asking for it, unfortunately. But like you said, at least we're medicated now.

I both selfishly and selflessly hope you're back to 100% for Odyssey of the Dragonlords!

[beanside]

I'm sorry your had a rough school experience too.

I can't guarantee 100%, but I think I'll be able to DM. the cough isn't quite as bad as it was--I can mostly drink tea and swallow it back. I might have one or two bad coughing jags, but hopefully, I can mute in time

[linderhill]

ugh, I hated school, pretty much all the way thru except for maybe K to 2nd. I apparently needed glasses from birth and didn't get them until 2nd grade so I was very slow in doing class work since I couldn't see the board (whether I was in the first row or now.) 3rd grade was simply horrible because the teacher was not happy in her job and was universally disliked (found out in later years that apparently she was in an abusive marriage but that was no excuse to take it out on us kids or give individual inconsistent instruction). My mother was the music teacher in my school from 2nd grade to 8th. She was an excellent teacher but not universally loved. it was MUSIC and so not cool. I was an introverted quiet kid that liked music and art and to read and the brunt of a lot of bullying. Unfortunately that carried over into high school (since my elementary classmates still disliked my mom and couldn't let that go).

I never understand the happy nostalgia that so many rhapsodize over high school with. Hated it. Our high school was on split session (freshmen and sophomores had class from 12:30 to 5 pm and Juniors and Seniors went from 7:30 am to noon) because the school was built in 1920 and only had one addition built onto it in 1960 and was grossly over populated. Nothing like having to share lockers and walk across out to out buildings for some classes in the cold New Jersey weather.

My happy nostalgia was my college years.

[beanside]

That sounds highly unpleasant. I just wanted to read when I was younger. I could transport myself elsewhere, which was exactly where I wanted to be.

I wish I had been functional enough to go to college. Then again, I guess all the shit got me where I am now. But a higher paying job would have been nice.