(no subject)

[beanside]

I'm happy to report that I've survived the doctor's appointment. I was a wreck all morning, but he was mostly pleased at the changes I've made,(Starting a gym 3 days a week, watching my carbs) that he didn't give me a hard time. Actually aside from my BP still being a bit high, he wants me to keep doing what I'm doing.

With the gym, I've lost weight, so he was thrilled. I didn't intend to lose any, but I didn't bother explaining it. Eventually, my body will hit the weight it wants to be, and I'll deal with him then.

He actually thinks I'm being a little too strict, and said a cheat meal once or twice a month is okay, so sushi is definitely on the menu this weekend. Just without the tempura shrimp, and with an appetizer of chicken on a skewer, so I have some extra protein.

It's been an adjustment, and at the moment, it's still overwhelming. I had a couple of moments of blanking out at the grocery store, trying to figure out what I could have. (Answer, berries with whipped cream, which I plan to eat the shit out of tonight.) I want to move forward onto when this will all be second nature, and it won't be a big deal to remember when to check sugar, and when to take pills. Right now, I've got the diabetes pill to take before meals, and then the crazy pill after dinner. Half the time, I'm forgetting one or the other and having to go back and do it.

I'll get there, I know. I also will get past the feeling of being made somehow public property, like my blood sugar readings are my self worth. If I have a high sugar reading, it obviously means that I have done poorly, and am therefore a bad person. I feel like it would be really easy for this to slide into disordered eating. Weight watchers was like that for me. I'd cycle my eating around our meeting, so I'd show weight loss, whether it was real or not. I had trouble moving on from any gain.

With how out of control the world feels, it would be easy to slip back into hypermanaging my food intake. Instead, I'm going to try to walk the line of watching the carbs and sugar without obsessing.

I'm also considering going back into therapy. I might need the help.

Comments

[hederahelix]

I cannot possibly imagine why your blood pressure may have been high at that appointment. < /sarcasm>

I am glad that it did not go too terribly with the doc.

I wonder . . . You know, my sense is that medical school doesn't really spend much time on people skills. I mean, sure, you get practice delivering news, but my sense is that the curriculum has bupkes about actual human psychology and how to deliver news and motivate people.

Perhaps in the past, he thought that getting increasingly judgey and strident would actually convey importance and motivate his patients to change. ( I am not suggesting that that is okay or that he is right.)

Maybe what made this different was that you went in already having done things and with a plan.

I still don't even slightly approve of his behavior.(I am resisting the impulse to send him photos of my aerobics instructors of size, partly because i have none on me at present although i could probably acquire some.)

But in terms of fhe Care and Handling of your doc, maybe for your own stress levels, the proactive go in with a plan and having done things is a strategy to help *you* manage his problematic behavior. (Not that you should have to manage his behavior, but since that's the situation you're in . . .)

Anyway, more {{{hugs}}} and some relief that it did not entirely suck. You've been in my thoughts.

[beanside]

Thank you! Hugs are always appreciated.

He's generally a good doctor, and he's really on the ball about diagnoses. He's the one who took "I get headaches with some neck pain," at a random visit for a persistent cough and came up with "your neck is screwed" in five minutes. For that alone, I would stick with him. He probably saved my mobility, because we were planning a trip to an amusement park with lots of roller coasters.

Hopefully my appt in two weeks go as well.

[fufaraw]

I'm glad the appointment wasn't as bad as you'd feared. It sounds like you've got a decent handle on your eating and exercize, so I'll add a little support from here on not falling into obsessive behavior.

My usual is obsess, fail, give up forever. So avoiding that would be excellent.

[beanside]

Thank you!