Weight-related Rant ahead.

[beanside]

Be warned, and don't read if you don't want to hear it.

It's kind of funny that poisontaster posted about fandom safe space earlier.

Cause here I am, triggered to all hell, and fighting with myself not to do something phenomenally stupid.

I clicked on some artwork of chubby Jensen, and it was cute. Hey, chubby Jensen was getting love! Awesome! This must be a big bang about chubby Jensen learning to love himself!

Ah. No. A half page of Jensen's family sending him exercise gear (Cause fatties don't exercise, see!), he decides to jog, and ends up passing out (because we all know fatties are going to die of heart disease, right?) and wakes in the hospital. Then, he feels like he should apologize to the orderlies who have to transfer his fat ass to another bed. (it takes THREE! Because, he's a fatty, got it?) That's about when I stopped and had to go in another room and not cry. Oh wait, no, the fatty got sent to fat camp. Where Jared will teach him to be skinny and not to eat everything in sight, and maybe to get off his fat ass. And at the end, when he's had "dramatic" weight loss, and run a marathon (seriously how many skinny people can do that?) then, he gets the sexin with Jared.

Y'know what, fuck that. If that's your thing, cool. But I don't need to read 40k words of hate. Whether that was what the author intended, that's what I see.

I'm fat. I'm very fat. I'm what they call a "death fattie." As in, OMG if you don't lose weight you're gonna die right now!!!!! Obesityheartattackdiabetes, deeeeaaaattthhh.

Y'know who's going to die first? The people who are out there yo-yo dieting because they hate their fat. Why are they yo-yoing? Because all denying yourself calories does is reset your body so that when you gain it back (and you will--results not typical, right) you gain more, and it's harder to take off. If you're fat, and you work out, you're less likely to die than someone who yo-yos.

But...the American Obesity Association says...wait? Who is on the board of the AOA? Weight Watchers? Jenny Craig? The Board of Bariatric Surgeons? Wow. They have a lot to gain by keeping people yo-yoing, don't they?

People. I've got bad news for you. I, in all my 300 pound glory, eat about the same as a skinny person. I get lunch sized portions, and have it for dinner, too. I don't eat a ton of candy, though I don't deny myself it, either. I eat what my body says it wants. And when it's full, I stop.

I'm sick of feeling like I should apologize for living. I'm sick of feeling judged every time I order dessert, or say "Yes, you better fucking well put whipped cream on my frappicino." Fuck it. I will wear sexy clothes if I want. If you don't like it, tough. I will go out in public and I will order what I damned well want. I will not let someone make me feel like less of a person because I'm wearing a tank top, and happy. I'm sorry if you're miserable. I'm not.

I have a wife who loves me (god bless lesbians, btw. a better community of fatty chasers is hard to find) I have a business starting that will make me happy, and hopefully provide for me and my wife. I don't have time for hate.

I am a child of the Morrigan, and I do not suffer fools.

I am a child of the Goddess, and She made me in Her image.

I am a child of the God, and He didn't go for a skinny chick. (I mean, look at the Venus of Wilendorf!!) (which is not to say that he didn't like the skinny chicks, too...my God isn't picky, he just likes the ladies)

I am me, and I am enough.

Comments

[ninasis.livejournal.com]

The problem I've always had with The Biggest Loser (besides the whole, "OMG, look at how FAT those people are!" pointing and humiliation and whatnot that the show is REALLY about, let's be honest) is that it's so extremely unhealthy. Losing hundreds of pounds in a few weeks puts such a tremendous strain on your body, and there is very little chance that you will actually keep that weight off. The fact that the fic is based on that show's premise turned me off as soon as I read the summary.

I'm currently nudging very damn close to 300 pounds. I'm also currently 12 weeks pregnant with my second child. While I was planning on losing some of the weight and getting in better shape before getting pregnant again, that's not what happened and I'm dealing with where I'm at right now. That said, I am very healthy - my blood pressure is smack-dab in "normal" range, my blood work is perfect, I'm eating healthy and taking care of myself. I'm lucky to have a doctor for this second pregnancy that is treating me the same as her other OB patients. My first OB was horrible, and only skated past a malpractice suit by the skin of her teeth, all because my being overweight caused me to be a second-class patient in her eyes.

I saw a couple of recs for the fic in question and kind of boggled that the SPN fandom is STILL jumping on the fat!Jensen bandwagon, even after all the shit that stirred up last year. No, I haven't read the story, and I have no desire to do so. Reading thru some of the comments left to the story made me very uncomfortable, to be honest. I don't need to be skinny to like myself. I have a great job, a wonderful husband who loves me and my body, an adorable son, and a baby on the way. Being 150 pounds lighter would not change anything about my life, other than I'd probably be miserable because I'd be starving myself in order to achieve and maintain that weight. Who the hell wants to live their lives like that?

Sure, I know plenty of overweight people who are miserable, but they would be miserable even if they were skinny. I know three people who opted for gastric bypass, lost a ton of weight, and put every single pound plus some back on. My priest lost 170 pounds three years ago thru extreme dieting and exercise, kept it off for a few months, threw out all his old fat clothes, got himself a new toupee and started talking about leaving the church and finding himself a man to settle down with. Slowly but surely the weight started creeping back on (Helpful tip, folks: alcohol is nothing but empty calories - you drink enough and you will start seeing it show up on your scale!) and before he knew it he was ten pounds heavier than he'd started out at, and still horribly unhappy with his life. Being skinny didn't solve his problems, it just made it very obvious to him how much he hated his life. It didn't give him the courage to make changes in order to try and find peace and happiness, it just made him realize what he really wanted, and made him even more depressed when he had to admit to himself that he was never going to do anything about it.

I can list just as many skinny friends/family members who are basket cases, regardless of the fact that they can stroll into any store they want and find something cute to wear. Being thin and "fitting in" in the eyes of society is all well and good, but if you don't like who you are, and aren't happy with yourself, it doesn't matter what dress size you wear.

Thank you for posting this - as one big girl to another, I think we're beautiful and perfect just the way we are. And obviously your wife and my husband do as well, which is all that matters in the end. Anyone else can suck my toe! ♥

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*hug* I'm glad your hubby sees how beautiful you are! Congrats on the second baby (and finding an OB who doesn't suck ass!)