![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beansideTitle: Noon As Dark
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
beanside & nilchance
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Never happened. Never will.
A/N: Companion piece to my wife's Dawn-verse Jeremy and Zach's story, circa 2004.
When 34 comes to again, there's no pain. Out of everything, that's the real surprise. He opens his eyes and sees Jeremy, sitting next to him on the bed. He's cradling the child in his arms, a soft smile playing around his lips. Fatherhood suits him.
With the focus off him, 34 looks at the infant. She's the first of the children he's borne that he's ever seen. She got his hair. Selwyn hair, a small part of him says. Jeremy's nose. Selwyn eyes. He wonders if any of the others look like him at all. He doesn't even know their genders, let alone any details.
Those pale blue eyes seem to focus on him, and 34 feels something in his chest break wide open. He helped to make this perfect little person. He gave her life. Something good came out of the stirrups and the screaming, something soft and sweet.
Jeremy takes the bottle away and tilts her up, patting her back gently.
Her burp is louder than he expects, reminding 34 vividly of Jesse, his baby brother. The thought makes a soft noise slide up his throat. Fuck.
Jeremy's attention is on him at once, alarm widening his eyes.
“Hey, hey,” Jeremy murmurs. “S'okay, Zach. Relax. Ever patched you up, but you've gotta take it easy.”
For the first time, 34 notices the IV tube snaking into his arm. “S'that?” he asks.
“Glucose, saline, and morphine.” Jeremy smiles. “She finally kicks down the good drugs, and I don't want any.”
34 blinks slowly. Whatever he's on must be pretty good. He feels fuzzy and heavy-limbed, but not in the terrifying birthing room way. He can move. It's just that he doesn't want to.
“I wanted to ask,” Jeremy says softly. “About this.” He holds up the bottle.
“No thanks, I'm not hungry.”
Jeremy's lips twitch. “Glad to hear it. Anyhow, sweetpea here has a problem with formula. I was wondering if you'd be willing to pump breast milk for her?”
Another of Jesse's traits. He made their poor mother nurse until he was old enough to have regular milk. But why is Jeremy giving him a choice? Tentative, 34 says, “I could do that.”
“Awesome.” Jeremy leans down and presses a kiss to his forehead. He smells like milk and baby powder over his own deeper scent, and it pulls at 34, warms him up all over. 34 swallows hard. “I'm going to tuck her in for her nap, then I'll get you some food."
The baby blinks at 34, nodding off even while she stares like 34 is the most interesting thing ever. It's disconcerting, but 34 isn't relieved to see her go.
He must doze off for a moment, because it seems like seconds when Jeremy comes back in with a tray of food. Jeremy sits on the edge of the bed, his big hand gentle on 34's shoulder. “Do you think you can handle sitting up a little?”
“Huh?” 34 says intelligently, because really. What kind of question is that? He's a breeder, dammit. Breeders don't get coddled. “Of course I can.” 34 tries to push himself up, but a soft whir stops him. There's a remote in Jeremy's hand. The bed slowly raises him up until he's at a comfortable angle. “That's not necessary. I can sit up.”
“I'm sure you can. But you're not gonna." Steel lies under Jeremy's quiet voice. "Ever was very specific. You only get up to go to the bathroom. And then, I'm going to be right next to you.”
“Jeremy, I-”
“Zach, you were really torn up. We nearly lost you." With the pads of his fingers, Jeremy touches 34's hand. Feather light, like he's afraid 34 will bruise. "Just do this for me, okay?”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Feeding you?” Jeremy looks at the plate.
“All of this.” 34 take a deep breath and tries again. “I'm a breeder. A sterilized breeder. Okay, you need the breast milk, that's fine. But you don't have to do all this.”
Jeremy's eyes darken. “You're a person. You're a human being.”
“Breeder.”
“Doesn't make you less human, does it?”
“Actually, yes." The familiar refrain rolls off 34's tongue. "It makes me property of the United States of America, and its subsidiaries. I have no rights but those which are given to me by them. I am of no value beyond that of my uterus. When I die, no one will know, because for all intents and purposes, I died the day I went into heat--”
“That is such a load of bullshit. You're Zach. You're a man. And you're the one who bore our daughter.”
34 shakes his head. “Your daughter.”
“Our daughter. You're going to be on her birth certificate once we decide on a name,” Jeremy says softly. “I made sure of it.”
“Breeders aren't citizens. They can't be on birth certificates.”
“You're a citizen. I have your paperwork right here.” Jeremy pulls out a sheaf of papers, and hands 34 a small rectangular card.
It has his face on it, a recent picture. It has the name Zach Selwyn, and his birthdate. “What?”
Jeremy sits back on his heels. “Once you're healed, you can switch the ID card for a driver's license, but for now, it'll do.”
As 34 opens his mouth to say something, a cry comes from the other room.
“I'll be back in a few minutes,” Jeremy murmurs. “Eat your breakfast.” He leans up, pressing a quick kiss to 34's head before he heads into the other room.
34 doesn't quite know where to look, after Jeremy leaves. He settles for nibbling on a piece of toast while he flips through the papers.
His stomach flips when he reaches the last one. The title at the top alone is something that he didn't think existed.
RELEASE FROM CFC PROGRAM
The rest of it is just as shocking, nothing less than his complete and legal release from the breeding program, on the conditions that he never speak of his time as a breeder. It's unheard of.
He's free.
He doesn't belong to anyone. He's alone.
What will Jeremy want? What will happen when the child can go on normal milk? 34 doesn't have any money. He can't go back home. Not like this. Better that his family remembers him as he was: a cocky teenager ready to take on the world. Better that they never know.
He doesn't have any skills. No job history, and no way to explain his lack of work experience. Jesus. He's what... 29?
Maybe Jeremy wants him as his whore? That would be all right. Mating with Jeremy had been very... pleasant. Confusing at first, since Jeremy had insisted on 34 enjoying the process.
Jeremy's skin hot against his back, sweat slick bodies moving against each other. No need for them to hurry it. Jeremy's hand snaking around, stroking him slow and easy until 34 is whining in his throat, begging for Jeremy to finish it. Hips canted up wantonly as he bites his wrist, trying to stifle the noises.
If he expects Jeremy to keep him, he obviously needs to convince him that it's worth it to have a broken breeder in the house.
He can do that. He can be what Jeremy wants him to be.
Authors:
beanside & nilchanceRating: R
Disclaimer: Never happened. Never will.
A/N: Companion piece to my wife's Dawn-verse Jeremy and Zach's story, circa 2004.
When 34 comes to again, there's no pain. Out of everything, that's the real surprise. He opens his eyes and sees Jeremy, sitting next to him on the bed. He's cradling the child in his arms, a soft smile playing around his lips. Fatherhood suits him.
With the focus off him, 34 looks at the infant. She's the first of the children he's borne that he's ever seen. She got his hair. Selwyn hair, a small part of him says. Jeremy's nose. Selwyn eyes. He wonders if any of the others look like him at all. He doesn't even know their genders, let alone any details.
Those pale blue eyes seem to focus on him, and 34 feels something in his chest break wide open. He helped to make this perfect little person. He gave her life. Something good came out of the stirrups and the screaming, something soft and sweet.
Jeremy takes the bottle away and tilts her up, patting her back gently.
Her burp is louder than he expects, reminding 34 vividly of Jesse, his baby brother. The thought makes a soft noise slide up his throat. Fuck.
Jeremy's attention is on him at once, alarm widening his eyes.
“Hey, hey,” Jeremy murmurs. “S'okay, Zach. Relax. Ever patched you up, but you've gotta take it easy.”
For the first time, 34 notices the IV tube snaking into his arm. “S'that?” he asks.
“Glucose, saline, and morphine.” Jeremy smiles. “She finally kicks down the good drugs, and I don't want any.”
34 blinks slowly. Whatever he's on must be pretty good. He feels fuzzy and heavy-limbed, but not in the terrifying birthing room way. He can move. It's just that he doesn't want to.
“I wanted to ask,” Jeremy says softly. “About this.” He holds up the bottle.
“No thanks, I'm not hungry.”
Jeremy's lips twitch. “Glad to hear it. Anyhow, sweetpea here has a problem with formula. I was wondering if you'd be willing to pump breast milk for her?”
Another of Jesse's traits. He made their poor mother nurse until he was old enough to have regular milk. But why is Jeremy giving him a choice? Tentative, 34 says, “I could do that.”
“Awesome.” Jeremy leans down and presses a kiss to his forehead. He smells like milk and baby powder over his own deeper scent, and it pulls at 34, warms him up all over. 34 swallows hard. “I'm going to tuck her in for her nap, then I'll get you some food."
The baby blinks at 34, nodding off even while she stares like 34 is the most interesting thing ever. It's disconcerting, but 34 isn't relieved to see her go.
He must doze off for a moment, because it seems like seconds when Jeremy comes back in with a tray of food. Jeremy sits on the edge of the bed, his big hand gentle on 34's shoulder. “Do you think you can handle sitting up a little?”
“Huh?” 34 says intelligently, because really. What kind of question is that? He's a breeder, dammit. Breeders don't get coddled. “Of course I can.” 34 tries to push himself up, but a soft whir stops him. There's a remote in Jeremy's hand. The bed slowly raises him up until he's at a comfortable angle. “That's not necessary. I can sit up.”
“I'm sure you can. But you're not gonna." Steel lies under Jeremy's quiet voice. "Ever was very specific. You only get up to go to the bathroom. And then, I'm going to be right next to you.”
“Jeremy, I-”
“Zach, you were really torn up. We nearly lost you." With the pads of his fingers, Jeremy touches 34's hand. Feather light, like he's afraid 34 will bruise. "Just do this for me, okay?”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Feeding you?” Jeremy looks at the plate.
“All of this.” 34 take a deep breath and tries again. “I'm a breeder. A sterilized breeder. Okay, you need the breast milk, that's fine. But you don't have to do all this.”
Jeremy's eyes darken. “You're a person. You're a human being.”
“Breeder.”
“Doesn't make you less human, does it?”
“Actually, yes." The familiar refrain rolls off 34's tongue. "It makes me property of the United States of America, and its subsidiaries. I have no rights but those which are given to me by them. I am of no value beyond that of my uterus. When I die, no one will know, because for all intents and purposes, I died the day I went into heat--”
“That is such a load of bullshit. You're Zach. You're a man. And you're the one who bore our daughter.”
34 shakes his head. “Your daughter.”
“Our daughter. You're going to be on her birth certificate once we decide on a name,” Jeremy says softly. “I made sure of it.”
“Breeders aren't citizens. They can't be on birth certificates.”
“You're a citizen. I have your paperwork right here.” Jeremy pulls out a sheaf of papers, and hands 34 a small rectangular card.
It has his face on it, a recent picture. It has the name Zach Selwyn, and his birthdate. “What?”
Jeremy sits back on his heels. “Once you're healed, you can switch the ID card for a driver's license, but for now, it'll do.”
As 34 opens his mouth to say something, a cry comes from the other room.
“I'll be back in a few minutes,” Jeremy murmurs. “Eat your breakfast.” He leans up, pressing a quick kiss to 34's head before he heads into the other room.
34 doesn't quite know where to look, after Jeremy leaves. He settles for nibbling on a piece of toast while he flips through the papers.
His stomach flips when he reaches the last one. The title at the top alone is something that he didn't think existed.
RELEASE FROM CFC PROGRAM
The rest of it is just as shocking, nothing less than his complete and legal release from the breeding program, on the conditions that he never speak of his time as a breeder. It's unheard of.
He's free.
He doesn't belong to anyone. He's alone.
What will Jeremy want? What will happen when the child can go on normal milk? 34 doesn't have any money. He can't go back home. Not like this. Better that his family remembers him as he was: a cocky teenager ready to take on the world. Better that they never know.
He doesn't have any skills. No job history, and no way to explain his lack of work experience. Jesus. He's what... 29?
Maybe Jeremy wants him as his whore? That would be all right. Mating with Jeremy had been very... pleasant. Confusing at first, since Jeremy had insisted on 34 enjoying the process.
Jeremy's skin hot against his back, sweat slick bodies moving against each other. No need for them to hurry it. Jeremy's hand snaking around, stroking him slow and easy until 34 is whining in his throat, begging for Jeremy to finish it. Hips canted up wantonly as he bites his wrist, trying to stifle the noises.
If he expects Jeremy to keep him, he obviously needs to convince him that it's worth it to have a broken breeder in the house.
He can do that. He can be what Jeremy wants him to be.
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no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 06:11 pm (UTC)Oh. Oh, Zach.
One thing that I love about this and about Jensen is that they're really fucked up, but they're survivors. Even now, Zach is thinking about his options, what to do, how to make it. He's not a victim, he's a survivor. I DEEPLY DIG ON THAT.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 08:50 pm (UTC)Yes! He adapts. You don't survive if you can't.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 06:24 pm (UTC)There's something about the whole - 'they died the day they went into heat' idea - did their families just write them off? I have visions of men in coats coming to drag 'breeders' away from their homes in the dead of night.
At least there was an out for Zach - even if he has no comprehension of why it happened.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 08:54 pm (UTC)I'm glad you like! Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-26 12:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 07:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 08:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 07:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 08:57 pm (UTC)Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 07:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 08:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 09:54 pm (UTC)You're just out to slay us, aren't ya?! That's such a great turn. and brilliant angst, and this story stands perfectly well alone, even though this and the Jensen/Jeff story complement each other with background and worldbuilding.
I was all worried when you said possibly Jeremy will comfort! But I still have that nice feeling. (huh... not like me to be so optimistic!).
Oh, and as poisontaster said above, Zach is in this f*cked up situation (or so he thinks) but he's just going to cope with whatever happens. No hand-wringing, crying or puppy eyes... he's doing what he can for himself despite thinking so little of himself, which is quite cool.
(edited because came out wrong)
no subject
Date: 2008-08-25 10:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-26 12:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-26 01:06 am (UTC)You guys always do such an AMAZING job creating AUs. Your worlds are so believable and feel so real, and both of you write like pros!
Poor Zach, thinking he's only there so he can feed the baby. His panic at realizing he was free and that he has no options was just GUHHHHH, like freedom is just as terrifying as being terminated. It's so sad that he's decided he has to be Jeremy's whore to survive. Jeremy seems so nice, though. He's got his work set out for him, doesn't he? Zach's so messed up!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-26 01:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-26 02:07 am (UTC)I was wondering...(heh, you're gonna learn to dread those words)-how did this come about? Evolutionary or sabotage? If it's evolutionary, there'd have to be breeders in other countries, at least a scattered few here and there, though not necessarily the (all-too believable) dictatorial set-up.
Also, how does this affect treatment of gays? I can see both blaming for "making" this happen, dragging us down, etc; and I can see a certain level of acceptance, because...well, at least there's the possibility of children and continuance now. Simultaneously, and sometimes from the same people. *ponders*
Now. Since breeders aren't ever supposed to survive/be released/escape, I can see them not having any job skills. So-secret teachers, infiltrating the compounds, working with the most-endangered ones in hopes they will eventually be able to "disappear" them? Hmm...*eyes you*...somehow, it's very sad to think that these guys are stuck in their early teens, education-wise. They don't even have the comfort of literature or music, I'd bet, to pass the non-heat times. :(
I'm wondering what hold does Jeremy have on "Them", to make them not only give him their daughter (unless that's usual), but to give him Zach, instead of killing him, and being able to put his name on the birth certificate/get him i.d. I know I postulated the negative effects of the general public being made entirely aware of how breeders are treated; but let's face it, many people wouldn't care, either because they want children at any cost, or because of various kinds of bigotry. So...it smacks of blackmail. Which also makes me wonder if it's something that could later be used to benefit Jeff and Jensen?
*speculates wildly*
no subject
Date: 2008-08-26 02:52 am (UTC)And the more information we get about how Breeders are treated the more terrified I am for Jensen. I really hope he can have a happy ending too.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-26 02:57 am (UTC)I'm loving the different facets of Zach we're seeing. The indignation, anger, calculating mind and the fear underneath. Makes him whole, three-dimensional.
Ever? Ever Carradine? Or someone else? I've had her on the brain since Eureka. Love that girl!
Y'all rock so hard! I'm never disappointed when I read your work. I've only had my expectations exceeded every time.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-26 05:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-26 06:43 am (UTC)