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beansideA little Deathknell to start your week!
Title: Past the Point of Decline
Rating: R
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
beanside and nilchance
Disclaimer: Never happened, all fiction.
It had been a rough morning. Jared had run late for his part-time job, Jensen was pissy, and Chad was a douche; Jeff was about to scream. He wondered if Jensen snapping at Jared that morning meant that he was finally getting somewhere in therapy. That would figure.
"For the eighth time, Chad, I'm not going to endorse the current Syrian regime. And I don't want them to endorse me."
Chad raked his hand through his hair. "Mr. President, we need some more political clout. They've got it."
"They also have a history of human right violations that's only surpassed by the US. No. Find another way." Jeff got up, sighing. "I'm taking a walk. Don't need me." He could feel Chad glaring at his back as he walked away, heading for the front door.
Before he got three steps out of his office, Jason fell in step behind him, the perfect guard. Jeff glanced back. "That's annoying."
"Not like you made a secret of going out, boss."
"Where's Jen?" Maybe he'd take Jen out to snowmobile. Jensen had learned how to drive one quickly, and he loved it. He thought no one noticed the grin that practically froze to his face while he was doing doughnuts, the snowmobile treads throwing snow at anyone dumb enough to pass nearby. That and lunch with Jared might be the only way to salvage this lousy day.
"Haven't seen him," Jason rumbled. He paused, a troubled look crossing his face. "Not since this morning, after Jared left."
Jeff's stomach flip-flopped. "Find him."
Jason snapped off a salute and trotted away, towards Christian's cabin.
Jeff hurried to their bedroom, automatically checking the daybed. Nothing. Jensen's bedroom door had sat wide open, the bed neatly made. He wasn't in there. Jeff was about to leave when one of the
puppies whined, pawing at the bathroom door. The closed bathroom door.
Too many ex-slaves killed themselves in the first few months. As if they felt that their owners could always reach them, always in their heads. Jensen had been so quiet lately...
Jeff felt the ground slip away from his feet. He steadied himself off the wall and shook the thought away. Not Jen. Not his Jen.
Jeff tapped the door first, which he thought showed massive restraint. When no one
answered, he shoved his shoulder into the door until it splintered under his weight.
Blood on the floor. So much fucking blood.
Jensen looked up for a moment, then pressed the razor back to his wrist, scraping it over the raw barcode as though he was-- fuck. He was trying to cut it out. Peel away the memories.
Jeff dropped to his knees, grabbing Jensen's hand. His voice sounded eerily calm. "No, baby. Don't
do that." But Jensen tugged at his grip, eyes fixed on the razor, lost. Jeff tightened his hold and snapped, "Jesus, Jen. No!"
Jensen sucked in a breath and cowered away from him, but he dropped the razor. Jeff kicked it under the counter and grabbed a towel.
"No, need to get it off," Jensen moaned.
"You need to sit," Jeff ordered. When Jensen looked at him, tears starting
in his too wide eyes, Jeff gentled. "Shh, baby, you don't need to get it
off. Shh."
"It's still on me." Jensen dragged in a ragged, hiccuping breath. "It's in me, it's always gonna be in me, I'm gonna hurt people, I'm--"
Jeff hadn't thought he could hurt more for what Morgan had done. He'd been wrong.
Pulling Jensen onto his lap, Jeff rolled the towel up and held pressure on the wound. "You won't hurt anybody," he murmured in Jensen's ear. "I won't let you hurt anybody. I promise. Shh."
Jensen shuddered and hid his face against Jeff's shoulder.
Stroking Jensen's hair, Jeff looked up at Jason, who stood stricken in the doorway. "Go get Chris--"
"No! No." Jensen stared at Jeff, terrified. "No. Please. He doesn't need to know, right? It isn't... please don't tell Christian."
Jeff felt his heart fracture a little more. "He'll figure it out, sweetheart."
"I'll tell him. I don't want him to see..." Jensen wet his lip, swallowed. "Please, Jeff."
Warring loyalty tugged at Jeff for a moment. Christian would be furious. This could be unforgivable. But Jensen... Jen was on the verge. He didn't need any more pushing. "Okay. I'll let you tell him." He glanced up at Jason. "First aid kit."
Jason nodded, turning to grab the industrial kit that Kane had insisted on. They could handle anything that cropped up, from minor burns to gunshots. None of them had expected this.
It could've been worse. When he saw the blood, Jeff had thought...
Jeff's hands shook a little as he stroked Jensen's arms, his back, anything to tie Jensen here. To this body, to their life, to Jeff. "Okay, baby," he soothed. "It's going to be okay."
Jensen shuddered again, leaning against Jeff like he was cold. When Jeff paused, in case the touch was triggering, Jensen shifted towards his hand. "You're not angry?"
"What, for this?" Jeff nodded towards the now bloody towel.
"No. I yelled at Jared."
Oh, Jesus fuck. That was the trigger? "Jen, it's okay. Jared wasn't mad, and no one else is."
Jason hurried back in, unwrapping a pressure bandage. He opened his hand, revealing a white pill. Sedative. Bless Jason and his quick thinking. His voice was steady, a rock in the storm. "Take this and I'll have a look."
"Tried," Jensen slurred. "Tried to be strong like you, but I'm not. And I can't-" His voice broke on a hicupping sob, and Jeff tightened his arms around Jensen. Like he could hold Jensen together with his body if he tried.
"Shh," Jeff crooned, rocking Jensen in place. "You're fine, you just had a bad few minutes. Nobody thinks any less of you. Nobody's mad."
Jason gave the pill to Jensen, who took it mutely. Then Jason knelt, taking Jensen's wrist in gentle fingers. "It's not too deep," he said, picking up the bottle of cleanser. "Doesn't need stitches, just a pressure bandage and some cleaning."
"Thank you," Jeff murmured, holding Jensen like he'd break.
Jason glanced up at him and nodded curtly. "Jen, I'm going to clean that off now, okay?"
Jensen nodded, burying his face against Jeff's neck as Jason carefully cleaned the gouges Jensen had left in the skin.
As Jensen's breathing slowed and deepened, his eyes sinking closed, Jeff rested his chin on Jensen's head. His lips moved, a silent prayer: to Morgan, to Jensen, to whatever God let Deathknell wipe the
slate.
"You're free now, Jensen. You're free. You're safe. You're free..."
Title: Past the Point of Decline
Rating: R
Authors:
beanside and nilchanceDisclaimer: Never happened, all fiction.
It had been a rough morning. Jared had run late for his part-time job, Jensen was pissy, and Chad was a douche; Jeff was about to scream. He wondered if Jensen snapping at Jared that morning meant that he was finally getting somewhere in therapy. That would figure.
"For the eighth time, Chad, I'm not going to endorse the current Syrian regime. And I don't want them to endorse me."
Chad raked his hand through his hair. "Mr. President, we need some more political clout. They've got it."
"They also have a history of human right violations that's only surpassed by the US. No. Find another way." Jeff got up, sighing. "I'm taking a walk. Don't need me." He could feel Chad glaring at his back as he walked away, heading for the front door.
Before he got three steps out of his office, Jason fell in step behind him, the perfect guard. Jeff glanced back. "That's annoying."
"Not like you made a secret of going out, boss."
"Where's Jen?" Maybe he'd take Jen out to snowmobile. Jensen had learned how to drive one quickly, and he loved it. He thought no one noticed the grin that practically froze to his face while he was doing doughnuts, the snowmobile treads throwing snow at anyone dumb enough to pass nearby. That and lunch with Jared might be the only way to salvage this lousy day.
"Haven't seen him," Jason rumbled. He paused, a troubled look crossing his face. "Not since this morning, after Jared left."
Jeff's stomach flip-flopped. "Find him."
Jason snapped off a salute and trotted away, towards Christian's cabin.
Jeff hurried to their bedroom, automatically checking the daybed. Nothing. Jensen's bedroom door had sat wide open, the bed neatly made. He wasn't in there. Jeff was about to leave when one of the
puppies whined, pawing at the bathroom door. The closed bathroom door.
Too many ex-slaves killed themselves in the first few months. As if they felt that their owners could always reach them, always in their heads. Jensen had been so quiet lately...
Jeff felt the ground slip away from his feet. He steadied himself off the wall and shook the thought away. Not Jen. Not his Jen.
Jeff tapped the door first, which he thought showed massive restraint. When no one
answered, he shoved his shoulder into the door until it splintered under his weight.
Blood on the floor. So much fucking blood.
Jensen looked up for a moment, then pressed the razor back to his wrist, scraping it over the raw barcode as though he was-- fuck. He was trying to cut it out. Peel away the memories.
Jeff dropped to his knees, grabbing Jensen's hand. His voice sounded eerily calm. "No, baby. Don't
do that." But Jensen tugged at his grip, eyes fixed on the razor, lost. Jeff tightened his hold and snapped, "Jesus, Jen. No!"
Jensen sucked in a breath and cowered away from him, but he dropped the razor. Jeff kicked it under the counter and grabbed a towel.
"No, need to get it off," Jensen moaned.
"You need to sit," Jeff ordered. When Jensen looked at him, tears starting
in his too wide eyes, Jeff gentled. "Shh, baby, you don't need to get it
off. Shh."
"It's still on me." Jensen dragged in a ragged, hiccuping breath. "It's in me, it's always gonna be in me, I'm gonna hurt people, I'm--"
Jeff hadn't thought he could hurt more for what Morgan had done. He'd been wrong.
Pulling Jensen onto his lap, Jeff rolled the towel up and held pressure on the wound. "You won't hurt anybody," he murmured in Jensen's ear. "I won't let you hurt anybody. I promise. Shh."
Jensen shuddered and hid his face against Jeff's shoulder.
Stroking Jensen's hair, Jeff looked up at Jason, who stood stricken in the doorway. "Go get Chris--"
"No! No." Jensen stared at Jeff, terrified. "No. Please. He doesn't need to know, right? It isn't... please don't tell Christian."
Jeff felt his heart fracture a little more. "He'll figure it out, sweetheart."
"I'll tell him. I don't want him to see..." Jensen wet his lip, swallowed. "Please, Jeff."
Warring loyalty tugged at Jeff for a moment. Christian would be furious. This could be unforgivable. But Jensen... Jen was on the verge. He didn't need any more pushing. "Okay. I'll let you tell him." He glanced up at Jason. "First aid kit."
Jason nodded, turning to grab the industrial kit that Kane had insisted on. They could handle anything that cropped up, from minor burns to gunshots. None of them had expected this.
It could've been worse. When he saw the blood, Jeff had thought...
Jeff's hands shook a little as he stroked Jensen's arms, his back, anything to tie Jensen here. To this body, to their life, to Jeff. "Okay, baby," he soothed. "It's going to be okay."
Jensen shuddered again, leaning against Jeff like he was cold. When Jeff paused, in case the touch was triggering, Jensen shifted towards his hand. "You're not angry?"
"What, for this?" Jeff nodded towards the now bloody towel.
"No. I yelled at Jared."
Oh, Jesus fuck. That was the trigger? "Jen, it's okay. Jared wasn't mad, and no one else is."
Jason hurried back in, unwrapping a pressure bandage. He opened his hand, revealing a white pill. Sedative. Bless Jason and his quick thinking. His voice was steady, a rock in the storm. "Take this and I'll have a look."
"Tried," Jensen slurred. "Tried to be strong like you, but I'm not. And I can't-" His voice broke on a hicupping sob, and Jeff tightened his arms around Jensen. Like he could hold Jensen together with his body if he tried.
"Shh," Jeff crooned, rocking Jensen in place. "You're fine, you just had a bad few minutes. Nobody thinks any less of you. Nobody's mad."
Jason gave the pill to Jensen, who took it mutely. Then Jason knelt, taking Jensen's wrist in gentle fingers. "It's not too deep," he said, picking up the bottle of cleanser. "Doesn't need stitches, just a pressure bandage and some cleaning."
"Thank you," Jeff murmured, holding Jensen like he'd break.
Jason glanced up at him and nodded curtly. "Jen, I'm going to clean that off now, okay?"
Jensen nodded, burying his face against Jeff's neck as Jason carefully cleaned the gouges Jensen had left in the skin.
As Jensen's breathing slowed and deepened, his eyes sinking closed, Jeff rested his chin on Jensen's head. His lips moved, a silent prayer: to Morgan, to Jensen, to whatever God let Deathknell wipe the
slate.
"You're free now, Jensen. You're free. You're safe. You're free..."
Tags:
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 03:16 pm (UTC)wonderful
poor jensen
no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 03:28 pm (UTC)I so love this universe!
Each chapter so full of emotion, my heart hurts for everyone.
Thanks for a new chapter!
no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 03:38 pm (UTC)Dying to know what Jen yelled at Jared about...
Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 03:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 03:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 04:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 04:01 pm (UTC)Very powerful scene.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 04:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 04:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 04:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 04:55 pm (UTC)Blood on the floor. So much fucking blood.
You totally killed me with that! Awesome chapter. *stills wants more* *gg*
no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 04:59 pm (UTC)I'm pretty sure I'm way too emotionally invested in this 'verse, and I blame the both of you.
Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 05:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 06:25 pm (UTC)(In a good way, of course.)
no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 07:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 07:35 pm (UTC)I was so glad to see this!
no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 10:18 pm (UTC)I just knew Jensen was going to go there at some point.
Pooooor baby.
So glad to see another installment of this even if it is a small update.
Thanks guys.
HUGS
no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 10:29 pm (UTC)I love that even though Jensen is getting better, he still has bad days. Sometimes days are REALLY bad, like today was. He doesn't magically get better. I'm really glad he has so many people supporting him though. Jeff needs a hug too after wanting something to lighten his load and instead needing to take care of Jensen.
I am curious what'll happen when Chris finds out. Oh and poor Jared! If he figures out that Jensen yelling at him was the trigger, I can see how Jared might feel some misplaced guilt.
I adore this series. Thanks so much for a new chapter!
no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 11:10 pm (UTC)Gods... so thrilled to see you had more of this! *loves this 'verse* Can't wait to see what happens next.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 11:19 pm (UTC)I've decided I don't care what you post anymore. I love it all. I used to have favourites...now, if it's yours, it's a favourite. Such lush, lovely writing and compelling characters. More please! (Of anything.)
no subject
Date: 2008-07-15 01:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-15 01:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-15 03:11 am (UTC)I love how tangible this 'verse feels. Awesome update, even if you had to rip me to shreds.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-15 07:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-15 12:05 pm (UTC)