Fic: Threw Away the Sun

[beanside]

A little bit of Deathknell for the long weekend.

Title: Threw Away the Sun
Rating: R
Authors: nilchance and beanside
Disclaimer: Never ever happened. Fiction.
A/N: Many thanks to the lovely and talented and awesome topaz119 for her beta skills.



With Jeff and the vet tending to the girl, and Sandy and Chris taking care of Jensen, there wasn't a whole lot for him to do, Jared thought. He'd paced, watched Jeff, paced again, and now, he was about ready to rip his skin off.

So, instead, he pulled out his familiar little bag and a moment later, he was focusing on brightly colored yarn, his knitting needles clacking together quietly. After a few minutes, the vet left, and Jeff settled Bisou onto pile of pillows, the bright pink cast stark against the tasteful ecru pillows.

That, Jared thought, was a pretty good symbol for them. They weren't tasteful or diplomatic. They weren't decorous.

Jeff settled on the sofa next to him, and Jared found himself leaning close, nuzzling Jeff's shoulder. It was funny. Maybe he hadn't known some big gigantic thing about his husband, but he still knew Jeff, and right now, he was beating himself up. He always did it whenever he'd done something particularly pushy, even if it was just fussing with thedrycleaners who had dripped bleach on his tux.

Now, Jared thought he understood. Jeff was afraid of being his grandmother. "So, Alaska," he said softly.

"Yeah. We'll be leaving as soon as Jensen's able," Jeff said. "I managed to shame Japan into letting us spend a couple of days at their military installation just over the border. Long enough for Kane to set things up further north. We're going to a small community called Kotzubue."

"Cool. What's it like?"

"Small," Jeff repeated. "Mostly Eskimo population, though a fair number of other ethnicities ended up there when the oil industry collapsed." Jeff smiled. "It's on a peninsula, in a harbor. So the Japanese navy'll guard the entrance to the harbor, and the Alaskans'll watch the mouth of the peninsula. Safe as we can get."

"Sounds good. I've always wanted to learn to kayak. But I never had time."

"You'll have plenty of time," Jeff allowed. "And lots of water. Hope you don't mind the cold, though. It's about forty kilometers above the Arctic Circle."

"Really? Awesome!"

Jeff tilted his head. "Well, that's a different reaction than I expected. Jare, we're all going to freeze our nuts off."

"Yeah, but that means we'll probably have the Aurora Borealis!" Jared grinned, imagining the pictures he'd seen online, playing out in a splay of colors over his head.

Jeff laughed softly, hugging him.

"What? I've always wanted to see it."

"Okay," Jeff murmured. "I love you."

"I love you too. Have you ever seen it?"

Jeff was opening his mouth to answer when a low, strangled noise from the bed made them both come to their feet. Jensen stirred, his eyes wild and too wide.

"There you go," Sandy murmured, touching his shoulder. He flinched from her, but Sandy kept touching, kept speaking low and calming. "Do you remember me? From the Agency?"

Jensen's mouth moved for a few seconds before his voice came, a torn rasp. "Doctor." His attention twitched to Kane, and he sank deeper into the bed with relieved recognition. He fumbled weakly for Kane, who grabbed Jensen's hand and held it between both of his own. Jensen squeezed Kane's hand.

"That's right," Sandy soothed. "Jeff and Jared are here, too."

Jared knew a cue when he heard one. They hurried over, Jeff settling on the edge of the bed. Jeff's hand hovered for a minute, looking for a safe place to rest his hand, and ended up holding Jensen's ankle. "Hey, there. It's okay. You're safe."

"I know," Jensen croaked. "Could hear Jared knitting."

Jeff chuckled. "It's kinda hypnotic, isn't it?"

"Bisou okay?" Jensen asked.

"She's fine," Jared murmured. "Sitting on a pile of pillows like a little queen on her throne."

"Good." Attention sliding away from Jared, Jensen closed his eyes. It was another few seconds before he forced them open again, his head jerking up from the pillow. He swallowed, grimacing, and said, "Ngh."

"Try not to talk too much," Sandy said. "They weren't exactly careful about the ventilator tube." She handed him a cup of ice chips. "Suck on those, they'll help your throat."

He took it, hand shaking, and she smiled gently, before turning to Chris. "Okay, Kane. Now that Jensen's awake, get your ass in the other room so I can get you cleaned up."

Kane smirked at Jensen. "Sure, 'get me cleaned up.' The girl is hot for my body, what can I say?"

Jensen cracked a pale smile. Kane squeezed his hand, his smile tight and his eyes dark with worry. Funny how Jared had always thought Kane was a hardass, untouchable. He didn't look untouchable now.

"That you're an ass," Sandy shot back, reaching past Jared to tug on Kane's hair none too gently. "Move it."

"Oooh, baby. I know you like it rough." With a last brisk rub of Jensen's hand, Kane darted off the bed, dodging Sandy's swat. Before going through the bedroom door, Kane pointed at Jensen and said firmly, "I'll be back."

Jensen gave a weary nod.

Kane still hesitated. "You make Jared come and get me if anything's wrong. Don't let his lazy ass just sit around, now."

Jared flipped him off. Jensen nodded again.

"All right." Kane drummed his fingers on the door-frame, then said, "I'll be between you and the door with a gun."

Which was, for Kane, practically hearts and flowers and puppies.

That time, the corners of Jensen's eyes crinkled as he smiled. He made some symbol with his fingers; Kane barked a laugh, gave him a thumbs-up, and finally let Sandy pull him through the door.

Jared glanced at Jeff, who was smiling at Jensen like he understood what the hell had happened there. So it was the cult of Morgan Coulson.

Not fair. Just because Jeff and Kane and Jensen had a shared history, just because they'd lied... no. Jared was over it. He couldn't hold on to a stupid grudge; he'd accepted that Jeff had his reasons for not telling the truth. Jeff had nearly died today, on top of brooding like a motherfucker over acting like the president. Jared had no right to jab Jeff with a knitting needle like he really, really wanted to.

God, his life was weird.

"Mr. President?" the girl, Grace, poked her head in. "I'm sorry sir, but a Mr. Guzimon is on the phone for you."

"Guz? Sure, I'll be right there." Jeff shrugged, smiling slightly at Jared. "He's an old friend. Warlord King of the Upper Kingdom in Egypt. Covered my ass more than once."

"Go," Jared said softly. When Jeff was gone, he settled onto the edge of Jensen's bed. "Hey, can I get you anything? Water, food?" It was awkward, uncertain. Much as he was trying not to blame Jensen, it wasn't easy.

Jensen shook his head, not bothering to open his eyes. Asshole. It's not like Jared wasn't having a shitty day too. It seemed like forever ago that he'd promised his life to Jeff.

"Okay, well just let me know-" He started to get up, but Jensen grabbed his wrist. His hand was shaking.

Well, hell. If anyone deserved to have a breakdown, it would be Jen. "It's okay. You're safe. It's over," Jared lied.

Jensen shook his head. Smart boy. Abruptly, Jensen let him go and turned his face into the pillow. A thin tear leaked from the corner of his eye, and Jared's resolve broke. He bent, sliding his arms under Jensen and lifting him, pulling him up close. "It's going to be okay, Jen."

Hissing, Jensen struggled. The drugs were still in his system, making him shaky and weak. Jared hesitated, then hauled Jensen into his lap, being careful of the IVs and his wounds. Jensen made a hitching noise that hurt Jared's heart. Bracing his back against the headboard, Jared held
Jensen against him and crooned, "Shh, shh, you're all right. Shh."

Jensen choked, his wet face pressed to Jared's throat, and seemed to give all at once. He leaned into Jared, his fingers fisting in Jared's shirt.

Jared's chest felt like it might crack open. He cupped the back of Jensen's head, rocking him in place. He didn't know what the hell else to do. What had his mother done, before she got too sick to lift her head? What had Jeff done when Jared cracked? His mind raced, but he couldn't pin anything down.

Shuddering breathing muffled against Jared's shoulder, Jensen let Jared rock him. He seemed smaller like this, tucked easily against Jared's chest. It was stupid to want to protect him, but fuck, Jared had never claimed to be smart. He rested his cheek on Jensen's head and murmured comforting nonsense until Jensen finally stopped shivering and just lay quiet for a while. Jared felt oddly reluctant to break that spell.

He couldn't hate Jensen for any of what had happened. It wasn't in him.

Jared rubbed Jensen's arm, where it wasn't stitched up or attached to an IV. Unfortunately, Jensen took that as a cue. He brought his head up off Jared's shoulder, stiffening when Jared nudged him down again.

"You're fine there," Jared said. "I don't mind if you don't."

"You should mind."

"I think I get to judge that."

Jensen shook his head. "You people are all insane. Is there something in the Canadian water? You should hate me."

Jared noticed that he let his head fall back on Jared's chest.

"For what? Being a slave?"

"I ruined your life," Jensen said flatly. "And I was going to kill your boyfriend."

"Funny thing, though. You didn't. From what he says, you saved his life."

Jensen laughed, his breath chuffing against Jared's neck. "Saved my own ass."

"Maybe. But I don't think so."

"All this..." Jensen lifted the arm with the IV in it. "I'm sorry. Did he have to give up much?"

"Nah," Jared lied. "Just annoyed Addams. We'll be just fine."

"For an agent, you're a lousy liar."

"So they tell me." Jared rubbed his hand down Jensen's spine, wincing as he felt the knobs of bone. "But we will be fine. It'll work out. For now, are you hungry?"

Jensen shook his head fast, with a nauseous noise. "Could cook."

"Dude, you're going to sit on your ass and watch TV. You're still coming off the drugs." Jared kept touching, slow and steady. It was therapeutic to feel Jensen's breathing quiet as he calmed down. "Speaking of, I'm sorry."

"What for?

"The quarantine." Feeling Jensen tense, Jared added, "It never should've happened. It won't happen again."

"Maybe it should."

"No. You're not a danger, Jen. You're a survivor. You'd have to lock up Jeff and me if you were locking up survivors of Deathknell. We both got it way back when. You just got a different strain. There's a med center in Fairbanks. Jeff's arranged for them to work on a cure to your strain of the virus, with you working with them. You might remember things that are even more help than your antibodies."

Jensen was quiet for a moment. "I didn't know you'd had Deathknell."

"Yeah. The last wave. My mom died from it," he said gently.

"I'm sorry." Jensen squirmed. "I can-"

Even as he raised his head, Jared could feel him leaning closer. This, he knew how to handle. He remembered the desperate need for touch and comfort, even as he'd tried to tell himself he didn't need it. Didn't even want it. He'd cuddled up to Jeff after days of paperwork and overwhelming freedom, and that hadn't involved half-conscious medical torture.

He relaxed, pulling Jensen closer. "You're fine. Just relax. Besides, it's frigging cold in here. You're a nice blanket." Jared smiled as Jensen settled in, letting his head fall heavy against Jared's shoulder. "It's going to be okay. I promise."

Jensen didn't answer. When he did speak, his voice was thick on the edges. "It was a nice wedding."

Jared closed his eyes. It had been a long day; that was the only reason his eyes stung. "Thanks," he murmured. "I'm glad you were there."

"Fucking Canadian water," Jensen muttered, and fell asleep while Jared was still snickering.

Comments

[dairwendan.livejournal.com]

Awww, Jared feeling like an outsider is so right and genuine. Then before you know it he has Jensen all cuddled up on his lap!

Very nice visual! But it can't beat Bisou in a bright pink cast on her throne of ecru pillows!!

Thanks!