beanside | Fic: I Was Meant To Be

Title: I Was Meant to Be
Rating: R
Pairing: JDM/CMM
Disclaimer: This never happened. Ever. Really. I mean it.
A/N: Previous parts can be found here.

Someone had apparently missed the memo that LA was supposed to be all sunshine and fun this week, Jeff thought idly, toweling Bisou down from one of the fifty million walks she’d required today. His girl loved the rain. Like she was a two year old kid instead of a dog.

Shame she didn’t smell like a two year old kid. Right now, his house was ripe with the smell of wet dog. “Okay, sweetheart. Go shake off on the couch.”

True to his suggestion, she trotted right into the living room, tags jingling as she shook the excess water off.

“Good job,” Jeff said dryly. Ignoring the water droplets, he flopped on the couch, scooping up the remote. “So, let’s see what’s on, sweetheart.”

He was on his second cycle through the channels that he caught a familiar face on the television and paused.

“Jesus. I’m insane,” he muttered, sitting the remote down.

Bisou lifted her head, and Jeff patted it. “On the television, sweetheart. I don’t think he’ll be back to see you.”

Wincing, Jeff left “A Cinderella Story” on the tv. Chad was in his Prince Charming outfit, walking around the ball.

“I think I’ve just hit a new level of pathetic,” he muttered.

Bisou whined, getting up off the couch and padding into the kitchen.

“I’m so pathetic my dog doesn’t even want to be around me,” Jeff confirmed.

His eyes lingered on the screen, watching as Chad wooed Hillary Duff. It was a cute movie, he conceded to himself, but the real attraction was Chad.

Goddamn, that was an attractive man. Even now, after he’d been dumped unceremoniously, Jeff had to admit, he might just take another shot at tapping that. He laid his head back and groaned as his cock responded to the mental image, twitching in his jeans. “Wasn’t talking to you,” he muttered, cupping it lightly, fingers stroking along the length.

“Oh god, I am not jacking of to the Family Channel,” Jeff hissed, jerking his hand back. “This is just fucked up-“ The doorbell sounded a moment after Bisou started howling, and Jeff got up off the couch, almost ready to thank the Jehovah’s Witness or whoever for stopping by. God, he was pathetic.

He opened the door without bothering to look and gaped until Bisou shoved past him, wagging all over at Chad, who dropped to his knees on the concrete to pet her.

After a minute, she lost interest, heading back into the house to find a chew toy, and Chad slowly came to his feet, not quite meeting Jeff’s eyes.

Jeff debated shutting the door on the little bastard. He should. He knew he should. But somehow, he found himself stepping back, allowing Chad into the foyer.

“Hey,” Chad said softly.

“Hey.”

“Um. I just wanted to.” Chad broke off, drawing himself up straighter, and lifting his chin. “I’m sorry. I’m a fuck up and you deserve so much better than me. And if there’s anything I could do to show how bad I feel about this—“

Jeff took a step back as Chad’s eyes flickered down. “No.”

“I wasn’t,” Chad muttered sharply. “I’m trying to be a grown up about this.” He looked up through his eyelashes. “You can hit me if you want to.”

Against his better judgment, Jeff laughed. “Chad? Grown ups normally don’t offer to let people punch them.”

Chad glared at him for a moment.

“Okay, I don’t punch people. How’s that?” Jeff met his eyes for a moment. Jesus, Chad looked like hell. Had he lost weight? “Chad-“

Chad looked down, and Jeff felt his stomach clench. Fuck. He couldn’t do this. He’d rehearsed in his mind. He’d planned to be cool, a little bitchy, but with Chad here, and looking so miserable, he couldn’t. “C’mon in. I’ve got coffee brewing,” he murmured.

Chad’s eyes widened, hope naked in them, and Jeff smiled, tugging at Chad’s wet coat. “You’ve got to be freezing.”

“I didn’t want to leave,” Chad blurted, slipping his coat off.

“So, aliens came and took you?” Jeff asked. Okay, maybe he could do bitchy.

Chad shot him a dark look. “No. It’s just. It’s what I do. I fall fast, and I fall hard, and I do stupid things like promise forever to people I shouldn’t have given the time of day. And I didn’t…you deserve better than what Sophia or Mackenzie got. So. I bolted.”

Jeff sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. It wasn’t like he hadn’t know the kid had issues, he thought. “So, I’m not worth the time of day?”

“What? No! That’s not what I meant. You’re…” Chad swallowed. “You’re out of my league, Jeff. You deserve-“

Jeff watched Chad look for the right words and cursed himself roundly for being a stupid fool. You should toss him out, Morgan. He dumped you once. Do you really need to get kicked again?

“You deserve better than me,” Chad finally murmured, voice soft.

“Mmm. Do I get a say in what I want, or is this all about what’s good for me?” Jeff returned, voice deceptively soft for the flare of anger that was licking through him.

“Obviously, you need someone to tell you!” Chad yelled. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be slumming with someone like me!”

Without answering, Jeff turned, heading into the kitchen. “Cream and sugar?” he finally called back. It came out as more an accusation than he’d planned for.

“Black,” Chad spit back, following him.

Jeff was suddenly glad that his kitchen’s door didn’t require going past the living room. Chad would just love seeing himself on the television.

He thumped the coffee on the table, and sat down. “So.”

“So,” Chad echoed.

“Were you trying to make me feel like a cheap whore, or was that just bonus?” Jeff blurted, then closed his eyes. Where the hell had that come from? God, this was a bad idea. He was way too angry and hurt still to handle this.

Chad sighed. “I—Dude, I fucked up, and I’m sorry, okay? I just—It was a stupid thing to do. And the cash was for dinner, okay. It wasn’t services rendered.”

“Well, that’s a relief. I’d like to think I was better than a twenty,” Jeff snapped.

“Stop it,” Chad said hotly.

“Stop what? Stop telling you the truth? You know the sad thing? I really liked you. I thought we really worked. I thought maybe—And then, no. Thanks for the lay, Jeff. See you, I don’t know, never? And it’s to protect me. Gee, thanks so much,” he said hollowly.

Chad came to his feet in a rush. “Fuck this,” he spat. “Fuck being grown up.” He stalked around and jerked the chair out from the table.

Jeff’s eyes widened as Chad dropped gracelessly to his knees, reaching for Jeff’s belt. He jerked back from the touch and felt his temper snap. He didn’t really remember moving. Just that suddenly, Chad was against the wall, Jeff’s hand around his throat holding him in place.

Chad went still in his grasp, and Jeff smiled. “Is this what you wanted? Did you want me to lose my temper with you? Fine. You got it. I’m still not going to fucking hit you.”

Chad shuddered, and Jeff’s eyes widened. Oh. It was like that then.

“You know, you’ve said a lot about what I deserve and what I should do, but what about you?”

Chad shook his head slowly. “That’s not the point-“

“Yeah, it is. To me, it is.” Jeff stepped back, letting his hand fall.

Chad swallowed hard. “I wanted to stay.”

Jeff’s throat tightened. “Then do.”

“I shouldn’t. You should have someone-“

Jeff sighed. “I don’t want whatever the hell it is you think I should have. Look, either stay, or don’t.”

Chad shook his head. “It’s not that fucking easy, Jeff.”

Jeff smiled sadly. “I didn’t think it was that fucking hard. Either you want to give this a go, or you don’t. For some reason, I’d still like to try it, but the rest is up to you.”

Chad stared at him for a moment, mouth working silently. Jeff wondered if he realized that every thought that went through his mind was right there on his face. It shifted from anger to disbelief, to something approaching fear, then to a stubbornness that didn’t bode well.

Before he could dwell on that for too long, Jeff found his own back against the wall, Chad pressing against him.

“Yes,” Chad blurted, his hands coming up to tangle in Jeff’s hair, pulling him down.

It wasn’t an easy kiss. It was tongues and teeth, and desperate licks and nips. It was, Jeff thought, probably a good metaphor for their relationship. He had to have lost his damn mind, giving Chad another chance. But they’d had something, no way around it. There was an ease there, a friendship that, given half a chance might just be able to round off the rough edges there were sure to be.

When Chad finally stepped back, neither of them were breathing steady. “I’m still a fuck up, and I still think you deserve better,” Chad muttered. “But I don’t care. I want this.”

Jeff let the smile come finally, bending to press another kiss to Chad’s mouth. “Okay.”

Chad grinned then, bright and blinding, shaking his head. “I must be fucking insane. I came to let you take a shot at me and go.”

“Yeah. Well, life’s funny like that,” Jeff muttered. “Okay, so, we’re gonna have to set up some ground rules. Cause otherwise, this is going to be a clusterfuck.”

Chad’s eyes narrowed. “Rules?”

“Yeah. C’mon, we’ll finish that coffee.” Jeff glanced back. “Why are you limping?”

Chad flushed pink, looking at his shoes. “Um. Yeah. I should probably—When I was in high school, I had a problem with my intestines. Had to have surgery, lost a lot of weight, was in the hospital for like six weeks.”

Jeff nodded. “Yeah. I read your bio.”

Chad gave him a nervous smile. “Stalker. Anyway, what it didn’t say was that I was there for those six weeks, and I was a minor, and it sucked. The doctors would just come in and do things, poke and prod and shove instruments in unpleasant places. It hurt. And it was…”

“Humiliating?” Jeff supplied.

Chad nodded gratefully. “So, the sex thing freaks me out. And then I called you, and you were all polite and distant, and I thought maybe the sex hadn’t been good for you. So I tried it. With a dildo. And—god, Jeff. It hurt, and there was so much blood, and-“

Jeff touched his cheek, cold in the pit of his stomach. “Jesus, are you—do you need to go get checked? No fevers, or stomach pain, or-“

“I’m fine,” Chad muttered, going even redder. “Let the set medic look. But—I hurt you.”

Jeff shook his head quickly. “Dude, it was fine. I’m not—It’s like any other muscle. You use it, it gets accustomed to that use. It’s okay. It stung for a second. Then, it was fine. I’m fine. It’s okay,” he repeated gently.

“Oh.”

“Okay, y’know what? Let’s table this until tomorrow. I’m tired, you look like you’re going to drop, and this could take awhile.” Jeff changed directions, steering him towards the stairs.

Chad glanced up as they walked past the living room. “You should turn off your tv.” He broke off as he saw the screen, turning to stare at Jeff. “You were watching that?”

“Bisou liked hearin’ your voice,” Jeff muttered, feeling his face warm. “Shut up.”

Chad rocked back on his heels. “We should probably have that conversation tonight,” he said softly. “Y’know. Be grownup about it.”

Jeff nodded. “I know. I’ve got a couch upstairs.”

They settled into the study, and Chad looked at Jeff, eyes wary. “I have issues. I’m gonna fuck up. And I don’t know about the sex thing, but I’m willing to try.”

Jeff nodded. “Okay. Here’s my ground rules. I understand that sometimes, you might need to bolt. But tell me. Not a note. Just tell me you need a time out and that’s cool. Second.” He looked down. “No easy way to explain this. My last serious relationship ended badly. She cheated on me with multiple guys. That’s a deal breaker for me.”

Chad nodded. “Got it.”

“Okay, now the disclaimers,” Jeff said hesitantly. “I’m…well, I’m kind of kinky. Sometimes, I like a little bondage, maybe some spanking. Doesn’t mean you have to be into it. I can live without it-“

Chad laughed, cheeks going pink again. “Dude. I don’t know what I’m into. I’ve been pretty—okay, very vanilla. So, I’ll try. No licking your boots or humilation, though. I can go on TWoP for that.”

Jeff chuckled softly. “Deal. And I…might not be adverse to threesomes. But it has to be with both of us agreeing on the person and what is and isn’t acceptable. Anything else, and refer back to rule one.”

Chad ducked his head. “Um. I slept with Jared and Jen. Last week. They showed me how to prep someone.”

Jeff stared for a moment. “Now that’s a hell of a mental image.” He grinned, trying to picture it, then shook his head. “Um. Aside from that, I can be overwhelming, and jealous, and possessive, but if you tell me I’m doing it, I’ll try to back off. Yeah. That’s about it. Anything else on your end?”

Chad shook his head. “Not that I can think of.”

“Cool, you come up with anything, or if I do, we’ll reopen the discussion. Okay?”

“Yeah.”

“C’mon.” He pulled Chad to his feet and guided him down the hall. “When are you due back?”

“Not for three days.” Chad looked up at him, eyes wide and startled. “I had a flight back tomorrow, but if you want me to stay, I can change it. Jared’s watching the dogs.”

Jeff smiled. “I’d like that.” He steered Chad into the bedroom, shaking his head. One thing was for sure. Whether they lasted a week, a month or forever, Chad would never be boring.