beanside | If I never see the good old days shinin' in the sun, I'll be doin' fine and then some

We made it through Monday! Go team us!

My Monday was frustrating, confusing and made me very angry and sad.

Dad continues to die. It continues to be stressful in ways that it doesn't need to be. More behind the

Things continue to be at a stalemate. First the hospice at Franklin Square said he doesn't qualify yet. No notes on why. Apparently he's not quite dead enough? Then they outsourced it to Gilchrist at GBMC hospital. They also denied it, but the social worker is baller, so we got some explanation. It wasn't good, but we got one. Apparently, they've been under-medicating dad, so he probably was not comfortable or relaxed. She ripped both doctor and nursing staff a new one, and immediately put in a challenge to the doctor's ruling as well as scheduling him for another evaluation today. But in the meantime, we're in limbo.

My sister and Jess went to visit last night. I was just wiped, so I sat in the car. The texts I got made me kind of glad. He's mostly out of it. He woke up when he coughed and looked around, but didn't focus on anyone. He looked at my sister, but there was no recognition. Otherwise, he isn't waking up, either to touch or voice. It seems like for all intents, he's already gone, we're just waiting for his recalcitrant body to catch up.

I don't know what today will bring with the hospice derby. They have adjusted his meds as directed, so maybe there's a chance. I don't know how long he has. They just disconnected everything on Sunday, so it's usually 3-4 days. So maybe Wednesday? I just want it to be quick and him to be comfortable. That's all I'm hoping for.

I'm feeling pretty shaky and constantly on the edge of crying. It sucks. I both need to work to keep my mind off of it, and resent work.

Oh! There was one bright spot. The vet texted me that Boodle's labs came back and were perfect. So that was awesome and made me happy in an otherwise kind of shitty day. I thought for sure she was going to at least have a thyroid issue.

Okay, I'm going to start getting myself together for work. I hope everyone has an excellent Tuesday!