![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beansideSliding towards the weekend! Only two more days to go!
Today, I am tired. I didn't sleep great last night. Had two bottles of water before bed and spent a lot of time up and down for the bathroom, so I'm a wee bit tired.
I think they're going to try to extubate dad today. We plan to tell them that should he crash again, they should let him go. We're not putting him through this again. It's just not kind.
With hindsight, I think we fucked up so hard. To be fair, the hospital had put the ventilator on before they called us, because they missed his DNR. But when we talked to the doctor initially, he sold it as a short term solution, just until the antibiotics started working in 24-48 hours. And here we are 10 days later, and in the attempt to get him off the vent, they've dropped the drugs down, so he's probably aware, and when they suctioned him out, the nurse thinks he might have tried to mouth "help." He won't follow commands, so they're concerned about cognitive damage, and I don't know how we'll handle that if he survives. With hindsight, we should have demanded that he be extubated right away and let him slip away while he was sedated.
This is 100% bullshit. I don't know what we're fighting for at this point. At least we finally got my sister on board to team no more. I love her, but her nature is Pollyanna. Whenever the doctor calls, she views it through the most charitable lens, but she finally agreed that if he crashes again, we need to let him go. (She just isn't particularly good at accepting bad news. Past hits
have included, "I don't think you have covid." Spoiler, we had covid. Or, "Are you sure the test isn't wrong?" Spoiler, it wasn't, I had diabetes. I love her, but I would never make her my proxy, because she hears only the good things.)
I'm a little down today, just because of the uncertainty. I don't know what the way forward will be, and that's stressful.
I do want to mention how utterly amazing Jess has been during this. They've gone down to visit every day, and been our contact at the hospital during the week. I have been shamefully absent, as has my sister. Without Jess we'd have been fucked, and I hope they know how grateful we are.
And on that note, I'm off to get on pants and get ready for work. Everyone have an excellent Thursday.
Today, I am tired. I didn't sleep great last night. Had two bottles of water before bed and spent a lot of time up and down for the bathroom, so I'm a wee bit tired.
I think they're going to try to extubate dad today. We plan to tell them that should he crash again, they should let him go. We're not putting him through this again. It's just not kind.
With hindsight, I think we fucked up so hard. To be fair, the hospital had put the ventilator on before they called us, because they missed his DNR. But when we talked to the doctor initially, he sold it as a short term solution, just until the antibiotics started working in 24-48 hours. And here we are 10 days later, and in the attempt to get him off the vent, they've dropped the drugs down, so he's probably aware, and when they suctioned him out, the nurse thinks he might have tried to mouth "help." He won't follow commands, so they're concerned about cognitive damage, and I don't know how we'll handle that if he survives. With hindsight, we should have demanded that he be extubated right away and let him slip away while he was sedated.
This is 100% bullshit. I don't know what we're fighting for at this point. At least we finally got my sister on board to team no more. I love her, but her nature is Pollyanna. Whenever the doctor calls, she views it through the most charitable lens, but she finally agreed that if he crashes again, we need to let him go. (She just isn't particularly good at accepting bad news. Past hits
have included, "I don't think you have covid." Spoiler, we had covid. Or, "Are you sure the test isn't wrong?" Spoiler, it wasn't, I had diabetes. I love her, but I would never make her my proxy, because she hears only the good things.)
I'm a little down today, just because of the uncertainty. I don't know what the way forward will be, and that's stressful.
I do want to mention how utterly amazing Jess has been during this. They've gone down to visit every day, and been our contact at the hospital during the week. I have been shamefully absent, as has my sister. Without Jess we'd have been fucked, and I hope they know how grateful we are.
And on that note, I'm off to get on pants and get ready for work. Everyone have an excellent Thursday.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-15 07:40 pm (UTC)it's such an awfully hard thing - I hope your father isn't too aware of what's going on. I know you'll do the best/kindest thing possible for him