Y'know,

[beanside]

It's kinda sad when it takes Cracked of all things to make you realize how awesome things are. Gladstone (who also wrote some other amazing articles--seriously, look him up) wrote an awesome treatise on 5 Reasons Life is Better After Thirty.

Oh yes, it so is. So, without getting too sappy here's my favorite list of things that have happened since I hit thirty.

1. I put a wedding band on nilchance's hand at the ripe age of 31.

2. At 33, I finally found out what was causing the debilitating pain and headaches that I'd been having. I still have them, but it was a relief to put a name on them, and have something to fight.

3. After fifteen years of being in the same job, three years ago, I got laid off. That doesn't wound happy, I know. At the time it wasn't. But the job had been slowly going toxic for years, and I didn't realize it until I had a good year of distance. It had crept in until everything I loved about it slipped away, and took some of the best parts of me with it.

4. No matter how often I swear that my brain is broken, and my words have slipped away, they always come back. I'll never be the woman who can write 5k words a day again. There probably will never be another Bastard Saints or even an Everything-verse. But if I'm willing to fight, I'll get things written, one word at a time.

5. After all these years, I have the best support system ever. I have people I care about who understand me and my disabilities. They understand that every plan is subject to the pain level of the day. I have friends online who live with their own illnesses, pain and depression and let me be a part of their triumphs and heartbreaks.

So yeah. I think mostly what I got out of it was that maybe, just maybe, I should embrace the person I am now instead of searching for a magic bullet that will cure me and turn back time.

Comments

[realpestilence.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean about the long-held job being toxic for you. I was laid off a job I'd had for over 6 years in September, and at first, it was devastating. But the longer I'm out of it, the happier I've realized I am. I didn't like the changes the office had gone through, or the direction they were heading; I no longer liked very many of the people who worked there, and we had a lot of nasty new patients, thanks to their ceaseless (careless!) recruiting. I don't think I would have made the change without such a drastic measure, myself. Sometimes, security can be a blinder to our own good.

It definitely helps, knowing so many people on-line who have their own variety of conditions, and aches and pains. I don't feel so bad about complaining that I HURT, DAMN IT! because I know they know, and it IS serious, and I have the RIGHT to be upset. They can't do anything about it, and I can't help them; but we can share that understanding, and the taking of it seriously together. It means something!

I'm finding that, as I grow older, I do like myself, most of the time. I don't have such ridiculously high expectations, and I'm gentler on myself over what I can do. That isn't to say I don't have deep regrets over the past, but I know what I wouldn't do again...Self-knowledge and self-acceptance is a good thing.

I'm glad you've found some self-peace,too. ~hugs