beanside | Fibromyalgia Awareness Day!

So, I've been told that today is the day to make people aware of fibromyalgia.

Hmmmm...That's a tough one for me, as I don't have fibro. (just kidding Jess)

Oh wait, I do. Apparently, it's fairly common for people with my fucked up spinal column to have fibro. They think the way the cord is compressed causes your nerves to react oddly to stimulus, which then causes pain--sometimes with just a brush of a fingertip against skin. It also causes chronic tiredness, though when you have any type of chronic pain, I think that's a given. There's just no way that you can be energetic and perky when you spend all your waking hours with a constant, low to mid level nagging, grinding pain in your spine.

That's my baseline. I would usually rank it at about a 5 out of 10. I can function normally until it hits 7/10.

But fibro means that when someone lays a companionable hand on my back, I fight to not flinch in pain. When I'm in a crowd, it means feeling buffeted by the different voices, the sounds overlapping until it makes me want to scream. It means not planning more than one or two things to do on any given weekend day (and forget about workdays!) to avoid spending the next day in bed feeling like I was hit by a truck.

It means taking drugs that most addicts would kill for, just for the privilege of being able to pass as 'normal.' It means never being able to do 'spur of the moment' things, because outings must be planned and packed for like Hannibal crossing the Alps.

It means shame. I use a cane. Sometimes, I use a motorized shopping cart. Sometimes, I use my handicapped parking pass. It means having people refuse to talk to you, like it's your mind that's broken instead of your body. It means hearing people say things like 'fat is not a disability.'

So, I guess I'm pretty aware of my fibro. I know it, I loathe it, I deny it as much as I can.