beanside | So...

After a spectacularly emo beginning of the week, I'm feeling a little better today. Good enough to lay things out in a less whiny and pity party way, at least.

After finally (five years late--thanks medical profession!) finding out that 90% of my problems (higher if you count that the ulcer was caused by overprescribing NSAIDS) were caused by degeneration of my cervical spine, I have lost my health insurance, leaving me unable to afford physical therapy.

In the interim, while i was figuring out what the fuck I was going to do, the neck has worsened. To the point of making me vomit daily from the pain. On a good day, my pain levels are between five and six. On a bad day, I'm not much fun to be around.

Instead, I'm starting with a chiropractor, who will hopefully alleviate the symptoms. Basically, thanks to no one bothering to check my neck (even when I was complaining of pain) and saying it was from the shoulder injury that I never had, I have permanent damage. He asked if I had spent the last year sleeping on a rock in Afghanistan to have my neck that bad. I'll never have a normal spine, but he hopes to stablilze it, and keep me from eventually needing a spinal fusion.

After him, I went back to see my osteopath, who I want to keep in my pocket. He's awesome. I told him that I'd lost my insurance, he started offering to rummage through his drug cabinet for samples, and told me that he's going to have the social worker call me to help me. Then, he wrote me a script for Lortabs and told me to use them. Then, he scared the shit out of me, by telling me that if I had ANY weakness, or numbness, I need to go to the hospital immediately. Because he thinks it's serious enough that worst-case scenario, the vertebra could press even harder on the cord, and without immediate treatment in that could be bad. Gee thanks, doc. He said it's highly unlikely, but the fact that he said it scared the hell out of me. Again, gee thanks."

Due to the above, my energy levels have shot through the floor into the basement. When Ii'm not high, I'm hurting. When I'm not hurting, I'm stoned.

With that in mind, I'm taking a bit of pressure off myself and declaring comment amnesty for myself. I feel like a bad person, but honestly, I have energy and focus to either write, or to write thank-yous for everyone who commented on our fic. I love you all, and I thank you all so very much for your aweseomely kind words. I love your feedback, it makes me happier than you know, and I really really appreciate it. I'm going to try to do better in the future, but no guarantees.

And if you don't want to comment in the future because of this, I understand. If you have a question, or something you wanted to know, e-mail me, and I'll write you back. I can do that on my cell phone while I'm in the waiting room at the doctors, but the blackberry doesn't love LJ's format.