So...

[beanside]

After a spectacularly emo beginning of the week, I'm feeling a little better today. Good enough to lay things out in a less whiny and pity party way, at least.

• After finally (five years late--thanks medical profession!) finding out that 90% of my problems (higher if you count that the ulcer was caused by overprescribing NSAIDS) were caused by degeneration of my cervical spine, I have lost my health insurance, leaving me unable to afford physical therapy.



• In the interim, while i was figuring out what the fuck I was going to do, the neck has worsened. To the point of making me vomit daily from the pain. On a good day, my pain levels are between five and six. On a bad day, I'm not much fun to be around.



• Instead, I'm starting with a chiropractor, who will hopefully alleviate the symptoms. Basically, thanks to no one bothering to check my neck (even when I was complaining of pain) and saying it was from the shoulder injury that I never had, I have permanent damage. He asked if I had spent the last year sleeping on a rock in Afghanistan to have my neck that bad. I'll never have a normal spine, but he hopes to stablilze it, and keep me from eventually needing a spinal fusion.



• After him, I went back to see my osteopath, who I want to keep in my pocket. He's awesome. I told him that I'd lost my insurance, he started offering to rummage through his drug cabinet for samples, and told me that he's going to have the social worker call me to help me. Then, he wrote me a script for Lortabs and told me to use them. Then, he scared the shit out of me, by telling me that if I had ANY weakness, or numbness, I need to go to the hospital immediately. Because he thinks it's serious enough that worst-case scenario, the vertebra could press even harder on the cord, and without immediate treatment in that could be bad. Gee thanks, doc. He said it's highly unlikely, but the fact that he said it scared the hell out of me. Again, gee thanks."



• Due to the above, my energy levels have shot through the floor into the basement. When Ii'm not high, I'm hurting. When I'm not hurting, I'm stoned.

With that in mind, I'm taking a bit of pressure off myself and declaring comment amnesty for myself. I feel like a bad person, but honestly, I have energy and focus to either write, or to write thank-yous for everyone who commented on our fic. I love you all, and I thank you all so very much for your aweseomely kind words. I love your feedback, it makes me happier than you know, and I really really appreciate it. I'm going to try to do better in the future, but no guarantees.

And if you don't want to comment in the future because of this, I understand. If you have a question, or something you wanted to know, e-mail me, and I'll write you back. I can do that on my cell phone while I'm in the waiting room at the doctors, but the blackberry doesn't love LJ's format.

Comments

[lomer.livejournal.com]

Sorry things are so rough right now.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

They're going to get better, and hey, at least I have good drugs now. Thank you!@ *hugs*

[nilchance.livejournal.com]

I love you so much.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*smish* Ditto, my sweet.

[eponin10.livejournal.com]

*hugs lots* Hang in there, hon. It sucks to have chronic, permanent pain issues. Been there, still doing that. Definitely hang onto the good doc. Mine has been a lifesaver, at least when it comes to sanity.

If you need to vent, feel free to email. :)

[beanside.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sweetie.

Technically, he's not taking new patients, and I only got him because mine was on vacation. I'm not giving him back, though. They can fuck off.

Also, Happy belated Birthday last week!

[phantomas.livejournal.com]

A big hugs for you both, sorry these are such hard times, and hey, I'd rather know you're resting and/or writing more than replying to my comments :D

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thank you, sweetie.


I think we'll have more Deathknell today or Monday!

[justsonya.livejournal.com]

My poor, sweet love. *hugs*

It's not much of an upside, but at least now you have some answers and a goal to work towards. Having a goal and purpose gives you a path to focus on, which makes fighting this so much less a random swinging in the dark, and more a focused battle towards personal freedom again.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

It's a start, and hey, there are narcotics involved, and that's always a good thing. *nod* \o/

[sharonmarais.livejournal.com]

HUGS and take care hon. I feel your pain...thank god that I don't have to pay for treatment here, and thanks to developing nasty side-effects to my chronic incurable health problem I don't have to pay for prescriptions anymore either...in the UK that is.


No need to comment. Just know that your pain is shared and sympathetic support is offered.

HUGS again

[beanside.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *nod* I really wish there was socialized medicine over here. Maybe some day!

[nancy-whiskey.livejournal.com]

*gentle hug*

Putting aside the fact that I don't know you all that well, do let me know if there's anything I can do to help you out. I AM right around the corner :)

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*grin* We've blown up pumpkins together, what more do I need to know?!

Thank you, darlin! *hugs*

[azewewish.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

Take care of yourself, baby. That's the most important thing.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

I shall try! Thank you, sweetie!

[deanbear25.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. I hope things turn around and you are able to recover.

Make sure you keep in contact with the doctor that is getting you a social worker. If you are able to get one that really does their job they can work wonders in way of getting you free meds and doctor visits. They can even tell you ways to get help paying your bills if your injury keeps you out of work.

We had to get one for my sister and she was able to get her into a physical therapy center for a month for free and when she was released that had a physical therapist come out to her house 3 days a week for free. So be sure to look into.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

Aesome! Maybe she'll be able to help me then!

*grin*

Thank you, sweetie!

[meredevachon]

You're in my thoughts, sweetie.

And taking care of yourself is much more important than replying to comments.

Hold tight to the wonderful doctor, and good luck with the chiro.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

Hee! And I thought porn was more important than comments!

*grin*

Thank you, sweetie.

[kimannebb.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Oh my. I'm so glad you found doctor that is caring and offers advice on all scenarios, even if one of them is really scary. I hope he continues to help you and I'll keep my fingers crossed that the social worker can shed some light on things. I wish there was something I could do to help, but know I'm thinking about you and hope that your improve. *more hugs*

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*snuggle* That actually does help, y'know. *grin*

Thank you, sweetie.

[defenestration.livejournal.com]

You getting better is the imperative. (And if you need help clinging to the good doctor, I'm pretty good at tackling people.)

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*laugh* He seems to be resigned to keeping me, which is good.

Thank you!

[frightened.livejournal.com]

That all fucking sucks. I'm sorry to hear it.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*nod* It'll get better, hopefully!

Thank you!

[katzb101.livejournal.com]

*sends very gentle cuddles over to you and your good lady* Please take care of yourself. That is more important than anything else.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*hug* Thank you! I'm going to try!

[rivers-bend.livejournal.com]

*hugs gently*

I am so sorry you're having such a shit time with your insurance on top of everything else. I hope that the chiro and osteo in combination can do things for you and that the drugs help.

and good for you for declaring a comment amnesty for yourself!

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*nod* Insurances suck.

But i'll get there, dammit!

*hugs back* Thank you!

[parchmentheart.livejournal.com]

((HUG)) So sorry you are hurting. :(
Now you know. dammit about the insurance! Have you heard about MHIP?
link:
http://www.marylandhealthinsuranceplan.net/

I hope you get your pain relieved from the chiro.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*nod* They're the ones who dumped me.

We had a dispute over how much I was paying, since I make a low enough salary to qualify for discounted rates.

*shrug* Because it was terminated for "non payment" I can't reapply for a year.

[deathangelgw.livejournal.com]

dude take care of yourself! we can manage! we'll just keep bombarding you with nonsense!! Take it easy babydoll!!

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thank you!

[robanybody.livejournal.com]

*loves* I'm sorry that things have gotten so bad, honey. I hope that things don't deteriorate any further and start getting better soon. ♥

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*cuddle* I need to move to canada and have healthcare, I swear. *nuzzle* Thank you, sweetie.

[birdofparadox.livejournal.com]

take care of yourself. *hug*

[beanside.livejournal.com]

I shall! First, ease off the pain. Then, slow gentle exercise, cause damn, I hate how out of shape I've gotten.

[http://users.livejournal.com/amy_star_/]

I know I don't comment much - really shy by nature - but I am thinking of you.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

Thank you, darlin!

[djinanna.livejournal.com]

Massive but careful and gentle *hugs*.

I haven't been around much, I know - I've been neglecting my entire flist for a while now - a lot because of my own energy levels, so I understand and won't expect you to respond. I had no idea you were having such problems until I happened across this post today. Hugs and best wishes; I'll be thinking good thoughts for you.

[caarirose.livejournal.com]

*cuddles* I just wanted to tell you that I love you, and I know I can't do anything that'll actually help, I wish like hell there was.

[1more-sickpuppy.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear things are so bad, and hope they really can get better now that you know what's wrong. I understand completely that answering loads of comments takes up a lot of time and energy even for a trouble-free writer, and though it's nice to have your comments answered, that's not why I write them. It's the least I can do as a reader to thank you for writing, plus sometimes I just need to *squeee* after reading a great story!
Love & hugs, Josie

[archinella.livejournal.com]

Please don't stress about not replying to comments. They're for you, to let you know that people love you and your work, not to be a burden. I hope you feel better soon. *Hugs*

[mona1347.livejournal.com]

*hugs and hugs and hugs*