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Finally Friday! I actually slept pretty well last night. I woke up a couple of times, but only for a couple of minutes at a time. So that was good. Of the less good: our window unit AC decided to give up the ghost at 4:45am and began screeching loudly. Farewell little unit, you saved our bacon the last two years.
Of course, after being awoken so rudely, I was very much Awake. Capital A, Awake. I tried to doze back off, but it was just not happening.
Yesterday marked one week since Dad died. It's been an interesting week. What's really hitting me is that while I'll have occasional sad moments, I don't miss him. Jess read an article about how you have to detach your familial feelings in order to be a caretaker. That might be part of it. The other part is that he wasn't really interactive during the last two years. He didn't want to talk. 98% of our interactions were either I want Cookies, I need to pee or my TV/tablet/phone is doing a thing I don't want, fix it. It's hard to miss someone whose entire interaction consisted of demands and complaints. I miss the dad I used to know, sure. But I've missed him for a while.
I've spent the last two years so resentful and frustrated and anxious that this is really a relief. I don't have someone yelling "I need to pee," while I'm on a call with a patient. Fortunately, the mic I use is good and didn't pick it up, but it's distracting. I'm not going to injure myself more, or watch Jess or my sister injure themselves taking care of him. I can get my shoulder fixed and not worry about Jess trying to take care of both of us. I'm not worrying that every little complaints is him getting sick. I'm not worrying about money.
Money wise, I think we're going to come out on top. His prescriptions were SO expensive, even with insurance. We were constantly getting Ensure, because he didn't want to eat the food we cooked. We would get special food since he only liked chicken tenders, hamburgers and fast food. And good lord, our cookie budget. He would go through a container of party size oreos in 1-2 days. Every 2-3 days, I was blowing $11 on more.
Maybe it'll hit me further on down the road. I don't know. Right now, I'm fine. Visiting apartments nonstop. I'm excited that I finally get to see what life will be like when I only have to take care of Jess. We're going to be living with my sister still, but overall, we'll be free to do what we want.
And on that note, I'm going to get myself together and get ready for work. Everyone have the very best Friday!
Of course, after being awoken so rudely, I was very much Awake. Capital A, Awake. I tried to doze back off, but it was just not happening.
Yesterday marked one week since Dad died. It's been an interesting week. What's really hitting me is that while I'll have occasional sad moments, I don't miss him. Jess read an article about how you have to detach your familial feelings in order to be a caretaker. That might be part of it. The other part is that he wasn't really interactive during the last two years. He didn't want to talk. 98% of our interactions were either I want Cookies, I need to pee or my TV/tablet/phone is doing a thing I don't want, fix it. It's hard to miss someone whose entire interaction consisted of demands and complaints. I miss the dad I used to know, sure. But I've missed him for a while.
I've spent the last two years so resentful and frustrated and anxious that this is really a relief. I don't have someone yelling "I need to pee," while I'm on a call with a patient. Fortunately, the mic I use is good and didn't pick it up, but it's distracting. I'm not going to injure myself more, or watch Jess or my sister injure themselves taking care of him. I can get my shoulder fixed and not worry about Jess trying to take care of both of us. I'm not worrying that every little complaints is him getting sick. I'm not worrying about money.
Money wise, I think we're going to come out on top. His prescriptions were SO expensive, even with insurance. We were constantly getting Ensure, because he didn't want to eat the food we cooked. We would get special food since he only liked chicken tenders, hamburgers and fast food. And good lord, our cookie budget. He would go through a container of party size oreos in 1-2 days. Every 2-3 days, I was blowing $11 on more.
Maybe it'll hit me further on down the road. I don't know. Right now, I'm fine. Visiting apartments nonstop. I'm excited that I finally get to see what life will be like when I only have to take care of Jess. We're going to be living with my sister still, but overall, we'll be free to do what we want.
And on that note, I'm going to get myself together and get ready for work. Everyone have the very best Friday!
