![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I'm happy to report that I've survived the doctor's appointment. I was a wreck all morning, but he was mostly pleased at the changes I've made,(Starting a gym 3 days a week, watching my carbs) that he didn't give me a hard time. Actually aside from my BP still being a bit high, he wants me to keep doing what I'm doing.
With the gym, I've lost weight, so he was thrilled. I didn't intend to lose any, but I didn't bother explaining it. Eventually, my body will hit the weight it wants to be, and I'll deal with him then.
He actually thinks I'm being a little too strict, and said a cheat meal once or twice a month is okay, so sushi is definitely on the menu this weekend. Just without the tempura shrimp, and with an appetizer of chicken on a skewer, so I have some extra protein.
It's been an adjustment, and at the moment, it's still overwhelming. I had a couple of moments of blanking out at the grocery store, trying to figure out what I could have. (Answer, berries with whipped cream, which I plan to eat the shit out of tonight.) I want to move forward onto when this will all be second nature, and it won't be a big deal to remember when to check sugar, and when to take pills. Right now, I've got the diabetes pill to take before meals, and then the crazy pill after dinner. Half the time, I'm forgetting one or the other and having to go back and do it.
I'll get there, I know. I also will get past the feeling of being made somehow public property, like my blood sugar readings are my self worth. If I have a high sugar reading, it obviously means that I have done poorly, and am therefore a bad person. I feel like it would be really easy for this to slide into disordered eating. Weight watchers was like that for me. I'd cycle my eating around our meeting, so I'd show weight loss, whether it was real or not. I had trouble moving on from any gain.
With how out of control the world feels, it would be easy to slip back into hypermanaging my food intake. Instead, I'm going to try to walk the line of watching the carbs and sugar without obsessing.
I'm also considering going back into therapy. I might need the help.
With the gym, I've lost weight, so he was thrilled. I didn't intend to lose any, but I didn't bother explaining it. Eventually, my body will hit the weight it wants to be, and I'll deal with him then.
He actually thinks I'm being a little too strict, and said a cheat meal once or twice a month is okay, so sushi is definitely on the menu this weekend. Just without the tempura shrimp, and with an appetizer of chicken on a skewer, so I have some extra protein.
It's been an adjustment, and at the moment, it's still overwhelming. I had a couple of moments of blanking out at the grocery store, trying to figure out what I could have. (Answer, berries with whipped cream, which I plan to eat the shit out of tonight.) I want to move forward onto when this will all be second nature, and it won't be a big deal to remember when to check sugar, and when to take pills. Right now, I've got the diabetes pill to take before meals, and then the crazy pill after dinner. Half the time, I'm forgetting one or the other and having to go back and do it.
I'll get there, I know. I also will get past the feeling of being made somehow public property, like my blood sugar readings are my self worth. If I have a high sugar reading, it obviously means that I have done poorly, and am therefore a bad person. I feel like it would be really easy for this to slide into disordered eating. Weight watchers was like that for me. I'd cycle my eating around our meeting, so I'd show weight loss, whether it was real or not. I had trouble moving on from any gain.
With how out of control the world feels, it would be easy to slip back into hypermanaging my food intake. Instead, I'm going to try to walk the line of watching the carbs and sugar without obsessing.
I'm also considering going back into therapy. I might need the help.
