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beansideAh, the week I've been waiting for. Two of the movies I've most wanted to see came out this week. Pirates of the Caribbean on Wednesday, and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen yesterday.
Pirates, as everyone seems to know already, was fucking awesome, and a slasher's wet dream. Johnny deserves all the praise and awards he could possibly get for this one. Orlando played our stoic hero well, and Keira Knightley wasn't as bad as I was afraid, though it squicks me to realize that she was only 17 when it was made. She's a cutie. And a nice, spunky heroine.
Dude. If you have a second run, cheapo theater, go see it then. It's worth $2, just for the sheer campy badness of it. The camera work is questionable (enough with the goddamn Blair Witch-o-vision already!), the special effects are pretty rough, and the dialogue is groan inducing. Even the background matte paintings suck, and are so obvious it's painful. Other than that, it's okay.
Sean Connery plays Alan Quatermain like Mike Myers playing Sean Connery as Alan Quatermain. Everything is very strong, over the top. It works for him, for the most part. When I'm 70, I want to be able to kick 4 assassin's asses without breathing hard.
Then, there's the always beautiful Peta Wilson, as the vampiress Mina Harker. Character, not bad. Only one really horrendous line. And her special effects didn't suck. Actually, they were pretty damned cool.
I'll give them one bit of credit. Captain Nemo, and his crew? Ballsy as fuck move to have them be truly Indian, turbans and Kali worshipping, and ethnic. Considering that a chunk of middle America thinks a turban makes you a terrorist, I'm sure there was some pressure to change that.
The character of Nemo was underwritten, but for what there was of it, it wasn't bad. He knew how to kick ass, and the actor was quite capable, even with some of the craptastic lines he was given to spew, but all in all, he was underused.
Next up, Dr Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. The makeup was pretty cool, the actor was very good. The transition scenes between man and monster sucked ass. To the point that we were roaring with laughter. All in all, though, he was a pretty good addition to the cast.
Tom Sawyer, played by the very pretty Shane West was usually not much more than a blip on the radar for the first half of the movie. Sadly, as the movie went to shit in the second half, he got more interesting. His scenes with Sean Connery though...dude. Suckage. When they started interacting, it just dragged. I'd like to see him in a few other movies, see if he has any emotional depth, or if he's going to join the Orlando Bloom club for less than 10 facial expressions.
The villian? Blew chunks. Couldn't have sucked any harder if he tried. Dude. Did you go to school to learn the "Evil Villain Sneer?" Cause if so, you were gipped. You suck. And the two big surprise twists to his identity? I didn't care. The second time, there was one moment of "Oooh, cool," then it died. Cause you still sucked.
Now, to the other bright(?) moments of the film.
Rodney Skinner, aka the Invisible Man. Cool as hell. Nice touch with the greasepaint to show his features. Very cool, snarky character. And well acted, considering that a lot of it had to be done with his voice alone. A little squicked at the realization that he was "naked" most of the film. Ew.
And then, there was the king of the bad lines, aka Stuart Townsend as Dorian Gray. What a fucking poof. Smarmy, self aggrandizing, arrogant fucker. He doesn't talk, he oozes. And that's his good points. He has some of the worst lines ever committed to film. If he was on the screen, there was a good chance I was rolling my eyes at him, or laughing outright. But, he did look pretty. And he can fight with a sword quite well.
So, as I said, if you see it, see it with friends, and drink heavily. When it comes out on video, it'll be worth a drinking game.
And now, I finish work, and go home to get our pretty new grill. *bounce* Yay!
Pirates, as everyone seems to know already, was fucking awesome, and a slasher's wet dream. Johnny deserves all the praise and awards he could possibly get for this one. Orlando played our stoic hero well, and Keira Knightley wasn't as bad as I was afraid, though it squicks me to realize that she was only 17 when it was made. She's a cutie. And a nice, spunky heroine.
Dude. If you have a second run, cheapo theater, go see it then. It's worth $2, just for the sheer campy badness of it. The camera work is questionable (enough with the goddamn Blair Witch-o-vision already!), the special effects are pretty rough, and the dialogue is groan inducing. Even the background matte paintings suck, and are so obvious it's painful. Other than that, it's okay.
Sean Connery plays Alan Quatermain like Mike Myers playing Sean Connery as Alan Quatermain. Everything is very strong, over the top. It works for him, for the most part. When I'm 70, I want to be able to kick 4 assassin's asses without breathing hard.
Then, there's the always beautiful Peta Wilson, as the vampiress Mina Harker. Character, not bad. Only one really horrendous line. And her special effects didn't suck. Actually, they were pretty damned cool.
I'll give them one bit of credit. Captain Nemo, and his crew? Ballsy as fuck move to have them be truly Indian, turbans and Kali worshipping, and ethnic. Considering that a chunk of middle America thinks a turban makes you a terrorist, I'm sure there was some pressure to change that.
The character of Nemo was underwritten, but for what there was of it, it wasn't bad. He knew how to kick ass, and the actor was quite capable, even with some of the craptastic lines he was given to spew, but all in all, he was underused.
Next up, Dr Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. The makeup was pretty cool, the actor was very good. The transition scenes between man and monster sucked ass. To the point that we were roaring with laughter. All in all, though, he was a pretty good addition to the cast.
Tom Sawyer, played by the very pretty Shane West was usually not much more than a blip on the radar for the first half of the movie. Sadly, as the movie went to shit in the second half, he got more interesting. His scenes with Sean Connery though...dude. Suckage. When they started interacting, it just dragged. I'd like to see him in a few other movies, see if he has any emotional depth, or if he's going to join the Orlando Bloom club for less than 10 facial expressions.
The villian? Blew chunks. Couldn't have sucked any harder if he tried. Dude. Did you go to school to learn the "Evil Villain Sneer?" Cause if so, you were gipped. You suck. And the two big surprise twists to his identity? I didn't care. The second time, there was one moment of "Oooh, cool," then it died. Cause you still sucked.
Now, to the other bright(?) moments of the film.
Rodney Skinner, aka the Invisible Man. Cool as hell. Nice touch with the greasepaint to show his features. Very cool, snarky character. And well acted, considering that a lot of it had to be done with his voice alone. A little squicked at the realization that he was "naked" most of the film. Ew.
And then, there was the king of the bad lines, aka Stuart Townsend as Dorian Gray. What a fucking poof. Smarmy, self aggrandizing, arrogant fucker. He doesn't talk, he oozes. And that's his good points. He has some of the worst lines ever committed to film. If he was on the screen, there was a good chance I was rolling my eyes at him, or laughing outright. But, he did look pretty. And he can fight with a sword quite well.
So, as I said, if you see it, see it with friends, and drink heavily. When it comes out on video, it'll be worth a drinking game.
And now, I finish work, and go home to get our pretty new grill. *bounce* Yay!
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no subject
Date: 2003-07-12 07:55 am (UTC)Also, goddamn, Skinner, put on some pants for the funeral!
no subject
Date: 2003-07-12 08:18 pm (UTC)