My mother died several years ago, very unexpectedly, from complications due to flu. It was terribly hard on my brother to i.d. our mom, for similar reasons-you can tell yourself that's not her all you want to. I'm both guilty and glad that I didn't have to do it myself. She didn't want a funeral, either, just a cremation; and no fuss or ceremony. So we didn't gather together to scatter her ashes or anything; again, the guys took her to her parents' plots and gave her back and sometimes, I'm so angry with her for not giving me a place I can center on, or a memory of saying goodbye that it's hard to acknowledge to myself just how upset it makes me. I have some loose understanding of what you're feeling, and the unreality of it all.
I don't know that there's any easier way to get through it than to just...push yourself through each day and do your damnedest. It doesn't happen quickly, but it does happen. You're allowed to be sad or snappish, you're allowed to be angry, you're allowed to miss her and you're allowed to forget sometimes and laugh because something makes you happy. You're allowed to feel however you feel. You're allowed to take care of yourself, and put yourself first sometimes, when you need that.
I'm sure you know all that. But it's good to hear it from other people, too, I find.
Do you have any photos of her from good times, family activities or something? Maybe having those set up in obvious places would help you focus on better memories of her.
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Date: 2014-12-07 10:49 pm (UTC)I don't know that there's any easier way to get through it than to just...push yourself through each day and do your damnedest. It doesn't happen quickly, but it does happen. You're allowed to be sad or snappish, you're allowed to be angry, you're allowed to miss her and you're allowed to forget sometimes and laugh because something makes you happy. You're allowed to feel however you feel. You're allowed to take care of yourself, and put yourself first sometimes, when you need that.
I'm sure you know all that. But it's good to hear it from other people, too, I find.
Do you have any photos of her from good times, family activities or something? Maybe having those set up in obvious places would help you focus on better memories of her.