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beansideSo, I've been on the "new" psych meds for about three months now, and I think they're working pretty well. It's hard to tell, because the Cymbalta crapped out a couple years ago, but the Lamictal kept me from spiraling. Then, early last year I started the nightmare taper down of Cymbalta. It turned out that while it wasn't doing shit for me, I was totally ungodly sensitive to the dose drop. Every 10 mg involved three weeks withdrawal. Headaches, difficulties with concentration, nausea. It was awesome, and took nearly six months. Best of all, it doesn't come in 10mg, only 20, 30 & 60. So that last drop is a bitch. (I did the final drop when I had pneumonia last July,because I already felt shitty). Wellbutrin could just as well have been water. It did nothing. Lamictal continued the Herculean task of keeping me out of the depths, but I was just...numb. I wasn't suicidal, or even that sad, just didn't see the point to much through the fog.
Then Viibryd, which helped, but needed a touch more, so Abilify was added. And hey, I can feel again. Downside? I can feel again. I cried during American Gods, because random woman died, but she had a cat! And who would take care of it? I'm hoping that it eases up eventually, because damn, it's obnoxious.
I'm writing a bit, but the part of my brain that was always eight steps ahead is still lagging. I was kind of hoping it would pop back up, but so far, still MIA. I miss it. Or maybe it's just a function of not having a job I can write during? When we wrote a lot of our stuff, Jess had a job that she could write during, and so did I. Maybe it's because we're in different fandoms, and so I'm not bouncing shit off her as much? Could be a combo. I'm trying to carve 30 minutes out in the morning to write, but I might need more.
Still a work in progress, I guess.
Then Viibryd, which helped, but needed a touch more, so Abilify was added. And hey, I can feel again. Downside? I can feel again. I cried during American Gods, because random woman died, but she had a cat! And who would take care of it? I'm hoping that it eases up eventually, because damn, it's obnoxious.
I'm writing a bit, but the part of my brain that was always eight steps ahead is still lagging. I was kind of hoping it would pop back up, but so far, still MIA. I miss it. Or maybe it's just a function of not having a job I can write during? When we wrote a lot of our stuff, Jess had a job that she could write during, and so did I. Maybe it's because we're in different fandoms, and so I'm not bouncing shit off her as much? Could be a combo. I'm trying to carve 30 minutes out in the morning to write, but I might need more.
Still a work in progress, I guess.
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Date: 2017-08-08 04:51 pm (UTC)I was going down 5mg per fortnight (I had special capsules compounded by a compounding pharmacy), and I still had mood swings, suicidal thoughts, etc.
AND I WASN'T EVEN DEPRESSED AT THE TIME (I was prescribed it for chronic pain, not Depression.)
Cymbalta withdrawal literally gave me short-term artificial severe Depression.
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Date: 2017-08-08 04:59 pm (UTC)Chemical aid that works is a wonderful thing, but finding the right balance is ridiculously complicated, and maintaining that balance is precarious, especially when your body and/or brain are doing the macarena with or without help.
Progress is damn wonderful and often near miraculous.
I'm still quasi-in SPN fandom, and I don't know another that galvanized so many writers, vidders, and artists of various strains and origins at once, in the early seasons. It's hard to find that elsewhere. I wish you both luck--selfishly, I miss reading your writing.