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beansideTitle: Our Beginning, Coming to an End
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
beanside
Rating: R
Pairing: Gen (yeah, I know)
Warning: Suicidal actions, permanent disability. Spoilers for comics 1-5 and the movie.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Andy Diggle and Jock.
Summary: Part four of the Fix it fic that my lovely wifenilchance began. Previous parts can be found here
Notes: My wife. She is persuasive.
It had been one year, two months and fifteen days since he’d made the dumbest or smartest move of his life. It all depended on your point of view. Dumb, because he’d bit back the words again. Smart, because it had worked. Jensen had left. Had lived.
Dumb, because he had forgotten one important factor. Everything had a price. He had survived, yes. And that was good. That was everything. It was nothing.
He could walk now. Slowly, sometimes painfully, but he could walk for a little while. He could use a cane instead of the walker that they had promised was his eternity. If he had to, he could even hold a knife for a while. It was still a far cry from what he had been.
During the days of therapy once he was allowed to be conscious, he had considered his options. He had debated whether or not he should go looking. He had wondered what they would think of this body he found himself locked in.
He would be useless to them like this. Unless they needed bait, of course.
After a bit of searching, he found that Clay was presumed dead. Of course. Aisha had taken care of that. But at least Max had gone down with him.
Jensen…he had buried Pooch, Jolene, himself, and his family. It took the better part of three months for his contact to find something, anything. And then, he got a grainy picture that could have been anyone, and a city.
By the time he was able to get money out of his accounts to bribe his way back into the US, Jensen had moved again; probably because he got word of someone looking. It sounded like something Jensen would do.
He might never have found them, but for Aisha. How she had survived, he would never know. One night, as he read the reports that his contact had sent, she was just there, a sliver of a shadow standing across the room. “He’s not there,” she said casually.
He’d jumped, going for the gun he didn’t carry anymore. Too much chance of collateral damage. “Aisha.”
“Cougar. You’re looking better than the last time I saw you.”
“Would that be while you were dropping a grenade on Clay?”
She shrugged, absorbing his anger, and dropped into the seat across the room. Obviously, she wasn’t taking chances on his ability to kill her at close range. “I was thinking more on the way to the hospital. It took months for me to get that burned pork smell out of my hair.
“Ah. That explains how they found me.”
“I figured I owed you that much.”
“You owed me? You killed Clay,” he spat bitterly. “What about what you owed him?”
“I did what he wanted,” she growled. “I would think you would understand, considering that you tried your damndest to nuke yourself.” She tilted her head. “What changed?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I just couldn’t.”
“Couldn’t leave your boyfriend? Who, by the way, is in Vegas.” She got up a little slowly, clumsily.
“Are you injured?” he asked, reaching for the light.
Her laugh was bitter. “Nothing that fun.”
When the light flicked on, Aisha froze, her dark eyes meeting his shocked ones.
“Madre de Dios,” he breathed.
Her hand curved protectively over the ripe swell of her stomach. “Yeah. The son of a bitch left me a goodbye present.”
*****
He’d lucked out in Las Vegas--catching a glimpse of Jensen across a crowded palazzo. He’d been so close!
And then, it was Seattle. The cold rain made his bones ache, his scars feel tight under his clothes.
After months, he changed his tactics. Jensen could hide with the best of them. But the nina….she was just 11. She would make mistakes.
It turned out, he was right. But the nina also could kick a soccer ball at a man’s head at near the speed of sound.
One moment, he was watching her from across the field, leaning heavily on his cane, and savoring how close he was to finding…everything.
The next, he was looking at the tree’s canopy, rubbing the stinging spot on his forehead.
Before he could collect himself, he heard Diana’s sneakers drawing close. A scraping noise. Then, he felt something sharp poking him in the chest. “Don’t move, motherfucker,” Diana barked, her high voice trembling.
He looked at the large stick now pressed against his sternum, the hands wrapped around a fallen tree branch. Finally, he met her eyes, so much like Jensen’s it made his heart clench. “Hello, nina,” he murmured. “It’s good to see you again.”
“Uncle--Ohmigod,” she stuttered, throwing the stick aside and leaning down to scrutinize his face. “Uncle Jake said that you were…where have you been?”
He heard the echo of her mother in his voice. “I got hurt, nina.”
“Oh. He saw her eyes widen as she noticed the cane, and the fine tremors that marred his hands. “Are you all right? I’m sorry I knocked you down.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “I should have known that Jensen would teach you to take care of yourself. This is good. Girls should know those things.”
She flushed at the praise. “I take a self defense class with Mom. And Uncle Jake says that when I’m thirteen he’ll teach me how to shoot. Mom says absolutely not, but I think thirteen is a good age. If we were Jewish, I’d be a woman then. And really, if you look at the socio-economic times, children grow up faster than in any other era-”
Cougar relaxed, smiling at the familiar hail of words raining over him. So very much like her uncle, Diana was. “He should teach you to use a bow and arrow,” Cougar murmured. “Like your namesake.”
“Oooh, that would be wicked. I’ll talk to Mom about it.”
“May I get up now, miha?”
“Of course! Do you need help?”
He made a face. “Truthfully? Possibly. But let me try it solo first.” He struggled to his feet slowly, stubborn pride not allowing him to take her hand, even though she winced at his pain. Finally, he was back upright. “I’m fine.”
“Stubborn,” Diana muttered, in a perfect parody of Shannon’s voice.
He laughed, and she gave him a brilliant smile. “We don’t live far away. Can you walk, or should I call Mom?”
“I-”
“And don’t even think of disappearing on me. Uncle Jake needs you. He misses you.”
“I miss him. I think I can walk. Just go slow, okay? I am an old man.” He followed her, smiling at the way she herded him like a border collie, making sure not to let him get too far from her side.
****
By the time they got to the small house that no doubt Jensen had chosen (far enough away from any neighbors; clear field of vision), his legs were shaking with the effort, pain spiking through his body. He would need to take some pills soon. But not yet, not until he saw Jensen.
“I should probably go first,” Diana said suddenly. “Mom started carrying after the second move. I don’t want her to shoot first, and think later.”
“Okay, I will wait.”
“Promise?” She narrowed her eyes, giving him a hard look.
“Yes, ma’am,” he promised solemnly. Not that he could go anywhere if he wanted. He wasn’t going to get more than a few feet without needing to sit.
She ducked into the house and a moment later, there was Shannon, the feminine version of Jensen’s rougher appeal.
Her eyes widened as she took in his state, the cane and probably the white lines of pain around his mouth. “Get in here, you asshole.” She looped an arm around his waist, half-dragging him into the living room and to a blessedly soft chair.
She fussed until he growled a little. “I am fine, Shannon.”
“You’re not fine. Do you have meds?”
“Not yet.”
“You’re going to take them, or I’m going to shove them down your throat, Coug. You look like you’re about to keel over. Take the fucking pain meds.” She waited until he nodded, then turned to Diana. “Get Uncle Cougar some iced tea, baby.”
Much as he hated to admit it, Shannon was fucking scary sometimes, in that way that only women could manage. Even after years of serving under Frank Clay, he had never seen the equal. He took the pills and sipped the iced tea under her watchful eyes. He had just settled, just started to relax when the trap sprung.
“So, want to tell me what the hell happened to you?”
Images of blood and death slid behind his eyes. “Not really.”
“Let’s try that again. You will tell me what the hell happened to you, and why Jake thought you were dead for the last year and a half,” she said, voice steely calm.
“Yes ma’am. How much has Jensen told you?”
“Up to your untimely death, and you sending him away.”
“Ah. Si. I planned for that to be it. I was just so very…done. So tired of living with myself. But I couldn’t…There was a bomb shelter. I saw it when I came in, so I crawled to it. But it wasn’t a perfect solution…”
Shannon listened as he recounted the few memories he had after crawling into the shelter--patching his wound. Then the world had grayed out around him with the bomb blast, and…he had woken in the hospital in San Antonio months later.
“I did try to find him. He buried you well. I was so close in Las Vegas. Saw him and the nina across the plaza, but that fast, he was gone. And I was back to looking. And now…” He gestured tiredly, smothering a yawn. “And now.”
“And now, you’ve found us.” She hugged him quickly. “I’m so glad, Carlos. Jake has been a wreck without you.”
“He may still be a wreck with me. I am not who or what I was,” he said softly. “He may not be able to handle it.”
“Don’t be an ass. You’re his family, as much as Diana and I are.” She stood up, reaching above him to tug the knitted afghan off the back of the couch. “Now get some rest. Jake doesn’t get off work until six. And since I want the security deposit back, I’m not going to call him home early. He’s gotten really paranoid. Says that without Frank around, someone has to do it.”
Cougar felt his mouth twitch into a smile. “Si. He wants to keep you two safe. I cannot blame him.”
“No. Guess not-” She paused, glancing at him sharply. “Frank and Aisha…are they…gone?”
“Frank, yes. Aisha…I don’t know. If anyone could have survived, it would be her. But I have not found anything either way.”
“Pooch is fine. And Jolene. They were with us for a while after Vegas…when Jake saw you, I guess. He thought he was going crazy.” She smiled. “But he’s not. Shit. I should call Pooch.”
“If you have his number, I could-” Cougar offered.
Yeah. Let me talk to him first,” she said carefully. “After Jake saw you in Vegas…things got strained for a while.” She picked up the phone and dialed, flashing Cougar a reassuring smile. “He thought Jake was losing his mind--Hey, Jolene. Is Pooch around. No. Everything’s fine. Better than fine.”
It took five minutes of arguing with Pooch before Shannon handed him the phone. “Pooch?” he said softly.
“Oh, shit. Cougar?”
“Good to talk to you, amigo.”
“What the fuck, man? It’s been nearly a year and a half!”
“I know. I was hurt. Badly.”
“And you didn’t think to call?” His voice sharpened. “Prove it. What was the last password?”
“Password? There was no password. There was a whistle,” he chuckled. “Except for you, you stupid bastard. Couldn’t quite manage it, could you?” Cougar whistled softly, imitating a bird’s chirp. “That’s why we called you Pooch afterall. It sounded like a dog whimpering.”
“Cougar,” Pooch breathed.
“So I’ve been told. How are Jo and the kid?”
“Kids, now,” Pooch said, voice shaky. “We had a girl two weeks ago. Named her after you.”
“You named her Cougar?”
Pooch’s laugh was watery. “Nah. Carlene. She’s got Daddy wrapped already. Jesus, you’re really alive. And Vegas? Was that you?”
“Afraid so. I…My body is pretty fucked up. I couldn’t get to him fast enough. It took me this long to find him again.”
“Ah shit. I’m going to owe him an apology. Dammit.”
“Sorry I inconvenienced you by surviving,” Cougar retorted dryly.
“Ah, you know what I mean.”
“Yes.” No need for further explanations. Pooch would understand.
“We’ll be there tomorrow morning. You stay put, okay.”
“I will be here. Well, probably in a hotel room, because I won’t impose on Shannon-” He broke off as Shannon snatched the phone out of his hand.
“He’ll be here. Like I’m letting him out of my sight?”
“Shannon,” Cougar tried reasonably. “This is your home. I do not wish to be a-”
“Whatever you’re about to say, stow it,” she said, voice icy. “My brother mourned you. He is still mourning you. If you try to go anywhere, I swear, I will kick your cane out from under you.”
Since it was obvious this was not a battle he would win, he nodded slowly. “All right.”
A yawn caught him off guard, and Shannon’s face softened. “You should rest. You can use Jake or my bed if you’d like. Though, his sits higher up. Probably easier to get in and out of. It’s going to be hours before he gets home, and I’m sure he’ll have you up all night yapping at you, so you might as well rest while you can,” she finished.
With a slow nod, he followed her to Jake’s bedroom, which was, to put it charitably, a mess. Still, he laid back, kicking his boots off as he stretched out. The last thing he remembered was Jake’s scent enveloping him, and settling his hat over his eyes to block out the afternoon light.
****
Cougar came awake suddenly, not sure what had disturbed him. Years of training told him that he was no longer alone in the room, so he forced his breathing to stay even, feigning sleep.
Another second passed, and something thumped outside the door, like a bag landing on the ground. Memory caught up to reflex a moment later, and he smiled. Probably the nina’s schoolbooks. He should get up, and see what time it was; if he could help Shannon with dinner.
“Shit, shit, shit,” a familiar voice muttered. “Did she see the duffel? Seriously, Shan. ‘Don’t leave?’”
Cougar froze, his breath leaving him in an instant as the bedroom door opened. Fabric slapped into his stomach, and he searched wildly for something, anything to say.
The sounds froze, followed by the too-familiar sound of metal clearing leather. “Who the fuck are you? Who sent you?”
For a moment, Cougar froze. Then, he forced himself to breathe. One, two quick breaths, and a lick of his lips. He moved his hands away from his body, holding them open, so that Jensen could see that he was unarmed. “Jensen,” he murmured, reaching up to tilt his hat back, so that he could see.
“Fuck. Pooch was right,” Jensen muttered. “I’ve lost my fucking mind.” The gun stayed steady, aimed at Cougar’s head. “Fuck.”
As glad as he was to see Jensen, even Cougar had to admit that he looked like miles of bad road.
“Jensen,” he said again, softer, urgent. “It is me.”
All the fight seemed to drain out of Jensen, leaving an almost palpable despair. He dropped into the chair, letting the gun fall to his side. “Yeah.” He closed his eyes, running a hand across them tiredly. He didn’t open his eyes, just slumped into the seat.
“Jensen?”
“Yeah,” he repeated dully. “Go ahead. Fuck. I didn’t even remember drinking that much this time.” He let his head fall back, exposing his throat. “Sorry, go ahead. What were you saying?”
Cougar sat up, eyes still on the dull gleam of metal. It never wavered, pointing at the floor. “Look at me.”
“No.”
Well. This was not how he had expected this to go. “Why?”
“Cause. Look. Just go away, okay? You’re not real. And I can’t go crazy right now, all right? Shannon will kill me.” Jensen’s voice was quiet, matter of fact. And Cougar could smell the tequila from here.
“This is real. I’m real,” he added.
“Sure. This is all real,” Jensen said reasonably. “Now go away.”
“Jen-”
“No,” Jensen said suddenly. “You’re not real. You died, you left me--you left,” he stumbled. “Now just…go.”
Cougar slid to the edge of the bed and grabbed his cane. “Jensen. Listen to me. I didn’t. I’m not dead.”
The gun moved then, with the speed that he sometimes forgot Jensen possessed. Jensen held it on him, his eyes opening, tear bright. Then, the gun turned away, towards Jensen. “This isn’t real,” he said. “I’ll wake up, and you’ll be gone, all over again. How many times? I’m sorry Coug. I just can’t keep doing this.”
****
He wouldn’t have thought that he still had it in him, but with adrenaline pumping, Cougar found himself moving, cane striking out and looping around Jensen’s hand. A quick yank, and the gun spun across the floor with a clatter. Thankfully, it didn’t go off. “Ow,” Jensen said slowly, staring at him as he shook his hand.
Cougar let the cane slide down, and pushed himself to his feet. Anger and fear mingled in his stomach as he shuffled over, ignoring the waves of pain coming from his leg. “If you ever do something as stupido as that again, I will…“ English momentarily deserted him, and he let loose with a barrage of Spanish that he was grateful Jensen couldn’t understand.
If it was possible, Jensen paled further. “Coug?”
“Asshole. I did not crawl out of that hell so that you could blow your head off.” He paused in front of Jensen, waiting to see what his next move would be, but Jensen just stared, his eyes growing wider with every moment. “Jensen.”
“Cougar?” His name was a breath of sound, Jensen’s lips barely moving. But slow hope was dawning, and he felt his lip curl.
“Yes,” he affirmed. “I’m here.”
“You’re…”
“Yes.” Before the word was out of his mouth, Jensen’s arms were around him, pulling him into a hard hug.
Jensen was talking, as usual, whispering something that Cougar couldn’t quite catch, but he could feel the tremors through Jensen’s arms. Cougar leaned into him, letting the scent and warmth of Jensen, of family soak through him. Later, there would be explanations on both sides, and discussion. Later.
For now, it was more than enough to be safe, and finally home.
Author:
beansideRating: R
Pairing: Gen (yeah, I know)
Warning: Suicidal actions, permanent disability. Spoilers for comics 1-5 and the movie.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Andy Diggle and Jock.
Summary: Part four of the Fix it fic that my lovely wife
nilchance began. Previous parts can be found hereNotes: My wife. She is persuasive.
It had been one year, two months and fifteen days since he’d made the dumbest or smartest move of his life. It all depended on your point of view. Dumb, because he’d bit back the words again. Smart, because it had worked. Jensen had left. Had lived.
Dumb, because he had forgotten one important factor. Everything had a price. He had survived, yes. And that was good. That was everything. It was nothing.
He could walk now. Slowly, sometimes painfully, but he could walk for a little while. He could use a cane instead of the walker that they had promised was his eternity. If he had to, he could even hold a knife for a while. It was still a far cry from what he had been.
During the days of therapy once he was allowed to be conscious, he had considered his options. He had debated whether or not he should go looking. He had wondered what they would think of this body he found himself locked in.
He would be useless to them like this. Unless they needed bait, of course.
After a bit of searching, he found that Clay was presumed dead. Of course. Aisha had taken care of that. But at least Max had gone down with him.
Jensen…he had buried Pooch, Jolene, himself, and his family. It took the better part of three months for his contact to find something, anything. And then, he got a grainy picture that could have been anyone, and a city.
By the time he was able to get money out of his accounts to bribe his way back into the US, Jensen had moved again; probably because he got word of someone looking. It sounded like something Jensen would do.
He might never have found them, but for Aisha. How she had survived, he would never know. One night, as he read the reports that his contact had sent, she was just there, a sliver of a shadow standing across the room. “He’s not there,” she said casually.
He’d jumped, going for the gun he didn’t carry anymore. Too much chance of collateral damage. “Aisha.”
“Cougar. You’re looking better than the last time I saw you.”
“Would that be while you were dropping a grenade on Clay?”
She shrugged, absorbing his anger, and dropped into the seat across the room. Obviously, she wasn’t taking chances on his ability to kill her at close range. “I was thinking more on the way to the hospital. It took months for me to get that burned pork smell out of my hair.
“Ah. That explains how they found me.”
“I figured I owed you that much.”
“You owed me? You killed Clay,” he spat bitterly. “What about what you owed him?”
“I did what he wanted,” she growled. “I would think you would understand, considering that you tried your damndest to nuke yourself.” She tilted her head. “What changed?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I just couldn’t.”
“Couldn’t leave your boyfriend? Who, by the way, is in Vegas.” She got up a little slowly, clumsily.
“Are you injured?” he asked, reaching for the light.
Her laugh was bitter. “Nothing that fun.”
When the light flicked on, Aisha froze, her dark eyes meeting his shocked ones.
“Madre de Dios,” he breathed.
Her hand curved protectively over the ripe swell of her stomach. “Yeah. The son of a bitch left me a goodbye present.”
*****
He’d lucked out in Las Vegas--catching a glimpse of Jensen across a crowded palazzo. He’d been so close!
And then, it was Seattle. The cold rain made his bones ache, his scars feel tight under his clothes.
After months, he changed his tactics. Jensen could hide with the best of them. But the nina….she was just 11. She would make mistakes.
It turned out, he was right. But the nina also could kick a soccer ball at a man’s head at near the speed of sound.
One moment, he was watching her from across the field, leaning heavily on his cane, and savoring how close he was to finding…everything.
The next, he was looking at the tree’s canopy, rubbing the stinging spot on his forehead.
Before he could collect himself, he heard Diana’s sneakers drawing close. A scraping noise. Then, he felt something sharp poking him in the chest. “Don’t move, motherfucker,” Diana barked, her high voice trembling.
He looked at the large stick now pressed against his sternum, the hands wrapped around a fallen tree branch. Finally, he met her eyes, so much like Jensen’s it made his heart clench. “Hello, nina,” he murmured. “It’s good to see you again.”
“Uncle--Ohmigod,” she stuttered, throwing the stick aside and leaning down to scrutinize his face. “Uncle Jake said that you were…where have you been?”
He heard the echo of her mother in his voice. “I got hurt, nina.”
“Oh. He saw her eyes widen as she noticed the cane, and the fine tremors that marred his hands. “Are you all right? I’m sorry I knocked you down.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “I should have known that Jensen would teach you to take care of yourself. This is good. Girls should know those things.”
She flushed at the praise. “I take a self defense class with Mom. And Uncle Jake says that when I’m thirteen he’ll teach me how to shoot. Mom says absolutely not, but I think thirteen is a good age. If we were Jewish, I’d be a woman then. And really, if you look at the socio-economic times, children grow up faster than in any other era-”
Cougar relaxed, smiling at the familiar hail of words raining over him. So very much like her uncle, Diana was. “He should teach you to use a bow and arrow,” Cougar murmured. “Like your namesake.”
“Oooh, that would be wicked. I’ll talk to Mom about it.”
“May I get up now, miha?”
“Of course! Do you need help?”
He made a face. “Truthfully? Possibly. But let me try it solo first.” He struggled to his feet slowly, stubborn pride not allowing him to take her hand, even though she winced at his pain. Finally, he was back upright. “I’m fine.”
“Stubborn,” Diana muttered, in a perfect parody of Shannon’s voice.
He laughed, and she gave him a brilliant smile. “We don’t live far away. Can you walk, or should I call Mom?”
“I-”
“And don’t even think of disappearing on me. Uncle Jake needs you. He misses you.”
“I miss him. I think I can walk. Just go slow, okay? I am an old man.” He followed her, smiling at the way she herded him like a border collie, making sure not to let him get too far from her side.
****
By the time they got to the small house that no doubt Jensen had chosen (far enough away from any neighbors; clear field of vision), his legs were shaking with the effort, pain spiking through his body. He would need to take some pills soon. But not yet, not until he saw Jensen.
“I should probably go first,” Diana said suddenly. “Mom started carrying after the second move. I don’t want her to shoot first, and think later.”
“Okay, I will wait.”
“Promise?” She narrowed her eyes, giving him a hard look.
“Yes, ma’am,” he promised solemnly. Not that he could go anywhere if he wanted. He wasn’t going to get more than a few feet without needing to sit.
She ducked into the house and a moment later, there was Shannon, the feminine version of Jensen’s rougher appeal.
Her eyes widened as she took in his state, the cane and probably the white lines of pain around his mouth. “Get in here, you asshole.” She looped an arm around his waist, half-dragging him into the living room and to a blessedly soft chair.
She fussed until he growled a little. “I am fine, Shannon.”
“You’re not fine. Do you have meds?”
“Not yet.”
“You’re going to take them, or I’m going to shove them down your throat, Coug. You look like you’re about to keel over. Take the fucking pain meds.” She waited until he nodded, then turned to Diana. “Get Uncle Cougar some iced tea, baby.”
Much as he hated to admit it, Shannon was fucking scary sometimes, in that way that only women could manage. Even after years of serving under Frank Clay, he had never seen the equal. He took the pills and sipped the iced tea under her watchful eyes. He had just settled, just started to relax when the trap sprung.
“So, want to tell me what the hell happened to you?”
Images of blood and death slid behind his eyes. “Not really.”
“Let’s try that again. You will tell me what the hell happened to you, and why Jake thought you were dead for the last year and a half,” she said, voice steely calm.
“Yes ma’am. How much has Jensen told you?”
“Up to your untimely death, and you sending him away.”
“Ah. Si. I planned for that to be it. I was just so very…done. So tired of living with myself. But I couldn’t…There was a bomb shelter. I saw it when I came in, so I crawled to it. But it wasn’t a perfect solution…”
Shannon listened as he recounted the few memories he had after crawling into the shelter--patching his wound. Then the world had grayed out around him with the bomb blast, and…he had woken in the hospital in San Antonio months later.
“I did try to find him. He buried you well. I was so close in Las Vegas. Saw him and the nina across the plaza, but that fast, he was gone. And I was back to looking. And now…” He gestured tiredly, smothering a yawn. “And now.”
“And now, you’ve found us.” She hugged him quickly. “I’m so glad, Carlos. Jake has been a wreck without you.”
“He may still be a wreck with me. I am not who or what I was,” he said softly. “He may not be able to handle it.”
“Don’t be an ass. You’re his family, as much as Diana and I are.” She stood up, reaching above him to tug the knitted afghan off the back of the couch. “Now get some rest. Jake doesn’t get off work until six. And since I want the security deposit back, I’m not going to call him home early. He’s gotten really paranoid. Says that without Frank around, someone has to do it.”
Cougar felt his mouth twitch into a smile. “Si. He wants to keep you two safe. I cannot blame him.”
“No. Guess not-” She paused, glancing at him sharply. “Frank and Aisha…are they…gone?”
“Frank, yes. Aisha…I don’t know. If anyone could have survived, it would be her. But I have not found anything either way.”
“Pooch is fine. And Jolene. They were with us for a while after Vegas…when Jake saw you, I guess. He thought he was going crazy.” She smiled. “But he’s not. Shit. I should call Pooch.”
“If you have his number, I could-” Cougar offered.
Yeah. Let me talk to him first,” she said carefully. “After Jake saw you in Vegas…things got strained for a while.” She picked up the phone and dialed, flashing Cougar a reassuring smile. “He thought Jake was losing his mind--Hey, Jolene. Is Pooch around. No. Everything’s fine. Better than fine.”
It took five minutes of arguing with Pooch before Shannon handed him the phone. “Pooch?” he said softly.
“Oh, shit. Cougar?”
“Good to talk to you, amigo.”
“What the fuck, man? It’s been nearly a year and a half!”
“I know. I was hurt. Badly.”
“And you didn’t think to call?” His voice sharpened. “Prove it. What was the last password?”
“Password? There was no password. There was a whistle,” he chuckled. “Except for you, you stupid bastard. Couldn’t quite manage it, could you?” Cougar whistled softly, imitating a bird’s chirp. “That’s why we called you Pooch afterall. It sounded like a dog whimpering.”
“Cougar,” Pooch breathed.
“So I’ve been told. How are Jo and the kid?”
“Kids, now,” Pooch said, voice shaky. “We had a girl two weeks ago. Named her after you.”
“You named her Cougar?”
Pooch’s laugh was watery. “Nah. Carlene. She’s got Daddy wrapped already. Jesus, you’re really alive. And Vegas? Was that you?”
“Afraid so. I…My body is pretty fucked up. I couldn’t get to him fast enough. It took me this long to find him again.”
“Ah shit. I’m going to owe him an apology. Dammit.”
“Sorry I inconvenienced you by surviving,” Cougar retorted dryly.
“Ah, you know what I mean.”
“Yes.” No need for further explanations. Pooch would understand.
“We’ll be there tomorrow morning. You stay put, okay.”
“I will be here. Well, probably in a hotel room, because I won’t impose on Shannon-” He broke off as Shannon snatched the phone out of his hand.
“He’ll be here. Like I’m letting him out of my sight?”
“Shannon,” Cougar tried reasonably. “This is your home. I do not wish to be a-”
“Whatever you’re about to say, stow it,” she said, voice icy. “My brother mourned you. He is still mourning you. If you try to go anywhere, I swear, I will kick your cane out from under you.”
Since it was obvious this was not a battle he would win, he nodded slowly. “All right.”
A yawn caught him off guard, and Shannon’s face softened. “You should rest. You can use Jake or my bed if you’d like. Though, his sits higher up. Probably easier to get in and out of. It’s going to be hours before he gets home, and I’m sure he’ll have you up all night yapping at you, so you might as well rest while you can,” she finished.
With a slow nod, he followed her to Jake’s bedroom, which was, to put it charitably, a mess. Still, he laid back, kicking his boots off as he stretched out. The last thing he remembered was Jake’s scent enveloping him, and settling his hat over his eyes to block out the afternoon light.
****
Cougar came awake suddenly, not sure what had disturbed him. Years of training told him that he was no longer alone in the room, so he forced his breathing to stay even, feigning sleep.
Another second passed, and something thumped outside the door, like a bag landing on the ground. Memory caught up to reflex a moment later, and he smiled. Probably the nina’s schoolbooks. He should get up, and see what time it was; if he could help Shannon with dinner.
“Shit, shit, shit,” a familiar voice muttered. “Did she see the duffel? Seriously, Shan. ‘Don’t leave?’”
Cougar froze, his breath leaving him in an instant as the bedroom door opened. Fabric slapped into his stomach, and he searched wildly for something, anything to say.
The sounds froze, followed by the too-familiar sound of metal clearing leather. “Who the fuck are you? Who sent you?”
For a moment, Cougar froze. Then, he forced himself to breathe. One, two quick breaths, and a lick of his lips. He moved his hands away from his body, holding them open, so that Jensen could see that he was unarmed. “Jensen,” he murmured, reaching up to tilt his hat back, so that he could see.
“Fuck. Pooch was right,” Jensen muttered. “I’ve lost my fucking mind.” The gun stayed steady, aimed at Cougar’s head. “Fuck.”
As glad as he was to see Jensen, even Cougar had to admit that he looked like miles of bad road.
“Jensen,” he said again, softer, urgent. “It is me.”
All the fight seemed to drain out of Jensen, leaving an almost palpable despair. He dropped into the chair, letting the gun fall to his side. “Yeah.” He closed his eyes, running a hand across them tiredly. He didn’t open his eyes, just slumped into the seat.
“Jensen?”
“Yeah,” he repeated dully. “Go ahead. Fuck. I didn’t even remember drinking that much this time.” He let his head fall back, exposing his throat. “Sorry, go ahead. What were you saying?”
Cougar sat up, eyes still on the dull gleam of metal. It never wavered, pointing at the floor. “Look at me.”
“No.”
Well. This was not how he had expected this to go. “Why?”
“Cause. Look. Just go away, okay? You’re not real. And I can’t go crazy right now, all right? Shannon will kill me.” Jensen’s voice was quiet, matter of fact. And Cougar could smell the tequila from here.
“This is real. I’m real,” he added.
“Sure. This is all real,” Jensen said reasonably. “Now go away.”
“Jen-”
“No,” Jensen said suddenly. “You’re not real. You died, you left me--you left,” he stumbled. “Now just…go.”
Cougar slid to the edge of the bed and grabbed his cane. “Jensen. Listen to me. I didn’t. I’m not dead.”
The gun moved then, with the speed that he sometimes forgot Jensen possessed. Jensen held it on him, his eyes opening, tear bright. Then, the gun turned away, towards Jensen. “This isn’t real,” he said. “I’ll wake up, and you’ll be gone, all over again. How many times? I’m sorry Coug. I just can’t keep doing this.”
****
He wouldn’t have thought that he still had it in him, but with adrenaline pumping, Cougar found himself moving, cane striking out and looping around Jensen’s hand. A quick yank, and the gun spun across the floor with a clatter. Thankfully, it didn’t go off. “Ow,” Jensen said slowly, staring at him as he shook his hand.
Cougar let the cane slide down, and pushed himself to his feet. Anger and fear mingled in his stomach as he shuffled over, ignoring the waves of pain coming from his leg. “If you ever do something as stupido as that again, I will…“ English momentarily deserted him, and he let loose with a barrage of Spanish that he was grateful Jensen couldn’t understand.
If it was possible, Jensen paled further. “Coug?”
“Asshole. I did not crawl out of that hell so that you could blow your head off.” He paused in front of Jensen, waiting to see what his next move would be, but Jensen just stared, his eyes growing wider with every moment. “Jensen.”
“Cougar?” His name was a breath of sound, Jensen’s lips barely moving. But slow hope was dawning, and he felt his lip curl.
“Yes,” he affirmed. “I’m here.”
“You’re…”
“Yes.” Before the word was out of his mouth, Jensen’s arms were around him, pulling him into a hard hug.
Jensen was talking, as usual, whispering something that Cougar couldn’t quite catch, but he could feel the tremors through Jensen’s arms. Cougar leaned into him, letting the scent and warmth of Jensen, of family soak through him. Later, there would be explanations on both sides, and discussion. Later.
For now, it was more than enough to be safe, and finally home.
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