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So, I know I've been talking about my job a lot, but I've kinda been glossing over how bad it's been for me. There were good points too--I will always take the memories of the people I helped with me, but overall, it's just not been good. My performance evaluation on Tuesday really brought to light how not good things were, and I feel like it's gotten worse since.
The performance evaluation was one long dunkfest. They didn't just criticize my performance, they were criticizing me. My processing speed is not good, and they can't teach that. They've been worried about it since the Academy (thanks for telling me). "Studies show that only 2% of the population can do this job." It was just really harsh. Since I asked for another trainer (and was denied) my trainer has been consistently scoring me for shit, and they are backing her 100%.
I even have proof that she's treating me differently from my co trainee. We did the exact same thing. Put in a call for back pain for a pt with abdominal pain, and for me, my trainer was like "You should have pulled out the (manual protocol) card set and run the abdominal pain protocol too. When my co trainee did the exact same thing, all she said was "good job."
On Thursday, I took a call for a car accident, and was typing in my remarks at the beginning, and the trainer got up in my shit, that I was doing it wrong. I should use a 10-code and shorten it. By the time she yelled at me, I had maybe six letters left to type, but no, I had to erase it and put what she wanted in. After the call, she looked at me and said "that was so bad, you know that, right? You can't do that when someone's life is on the line."
Anyhow, yesterday, I was sitting towards the end of the afternoon, and I realized that the thought of going into work today was making me physically sick, and the feeling of dread was just overwhelming.
So, I made a decision. I will call out today. I'm off til Wednesday, so on Tuesday, after payroll has gone in, I will send my letter of resignation. If I have to work a temp job until I find something, I can do that. But if I try to go back into that center, my brain is going to go to somewhere dark that will be much harder to get out of than it is to type a letter of resignation.
I'm anxious about the decision, but I also know it's the right thing to do. No job is worth my mental health.
My interview yesterday got bumped to Wednesday due to tech issues on their end. Someone forgot the thing that every virtual con drills into you. The host cannot leave the room without transferring ownership, or the room will close on zoom. They couldn't get ahold of an administrator to reopen the room or open a new one, so I got postponed.
So, that is the state of the me. I'm nervous, but secure and at peace with the decision. Fortunately, the bonus from IKEA and my last check from 911 will give me about 4weeks breathing room. There's a bunch of call center temp jobs on one of the boards, which I've already applied to. Aside from that, it's just a wait and see.
After all the anxiety of telling Jess and my sister that I was quitting, our game last night was a delight, and a nice bit of relaxation. Today, I have no games, but tomorrow we have our Mine Finders game, which I'm looking forward to.
Today, I have nothing to do, so I'm just going to loaf around and be a lump.
And now, I here the dulcet sounds of dad stirring, so I will go check on that. Everyone have the most excellent Saturday!
The performance evaluation was one long dunkfest. They didn't just criticize my performance, they were criticizing me. My processing speed is not good, and they can't teach that. They've been worried about it since the Academy (thanks for telling me). "Studies show that only 2% of the population can do this job." It was just really harsh. Since I asked for another trainer (and was denied) my trainer has been consistently scoring me for shit, and they are backing her 100%.
I even have proof that she's treating me differently from my co trainee. We did the exact same thing. Put in a call for back pain for a pt with abdominal pain, and for me, my trainer was like "You should have pulled out the (manual protocol) card set and run the abdominal pain protocol too. When my co trainee did the exact same thing, all she said was "good job."
On Thursday, I took a call for a car accident, and was typing in my remarks at the beginning, and the trainer got up in my shit, that I was doing it wrong. I should use a 10-code and shorten it. By the time she yelled at me, I had maybe six letters left to type, but no, I had to erase it and put what she wanted in. After the call, she looked at me and said "that was so bad, you know that, right? You can't do that when someone's life is on the line."
Anyhow, yesterday, I was sitting towards the end of the afternoon, and I realized that the thought of going into work today was making me physically sick, and the feeling of dread was just overwhelming.
So, I made a decision. I will call out today. I'm off til Wednesday, so on Tuesday, after payroll has gone in, I will send my letter of resignation. If I have to work a temp job until I find something, I can do that. But if I try to go back into that center, my brain is going to go to somewhere dark that will be much harder to get out of than it is to type a letter of resignation.
I'm anxious about the decision, but I also know it's the right thing to do. No job is worth my mental health.
My interview yesterday got bumped to Wednesday due to tech issues on their end. Someone forgot the thing that every virtual con drills into you. The host cannot leave the room without transferring ownership, or the room will close on zoom. They couldn't get ahold of an administrator to reopen the room or open a new one, so I got postponed.
So, that is the state of the me. I'm nervous, but secure and at peace with the decision. Fortunately, the bonus from IKEA and my last check from 911 will give me about 4weeks breathing room. There's a bunch of call center temp jobs on one of the boards, which I've already applied to. Aside from that, it's just a wait and see.
After all the anxiety of telling Jess and my sister that I was quitting, our game last night was a delight, and a nice bit of relaxation. Today, I have no games, but tomorrow we have our Mine Finders game, which I'm looking forward to.
Today, I have nothing to do, so I'm just going to loaf around and be a lump.
And now, I here the dulcet sounds of dad stirring, so I will go check on that. Everyone have the most excellent Saturday!
