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Continuing Invisible Illness awareness week, now that I've gotten some of my pain under control, and may be able to keep from frothing.
My lovely wife has been posting all week, and has some lovely links up at her journal for this week, including one about the myth of "secondary gain."
That would be the theory that some people will continue to fake their pain, because they enjoy getting attention and being excused from chores and whatnot.
Okay. Let's see what I get from my chronic pain.
Pros: Um... Wait, I'm still thinking. I don't really get extra attention, or out of chores. I'm still doing the laundry and taking out the trash, and baby sitting grandmom...
Cons: Let's see.
1. I'm on so many drugs that I don't know whether I'm coming or going most days. Case in point: I just answered the phone with "Good afternoon." It's 10:00 am. This has something to do with having taken just this morning: 300 mg Neruontin (morontin as they call it on crazymeds.us) 100mg Tramadol, 1000mg Tylenol, 800mg Skelaxin, and 200mg Zoloft. Also, I lose words. I'll be talking and I just can't force out the words. I'll be thinking the word. Repeatedly. But I can't force it to translate into speech. Which means I hear "spit it out" quite a lot.
2. Chronic pain. Have you ever had a really bad muscle cramp? You know that feeling when it's just finished the active spasm, and still aches like a bitch? Yeah. That's my daily low pain level. On a scale from one to ten, I consider 5-6 as a good day. Not only does it fuck my shit up mentally (Oh hai there, depression!), but it has also destroyed my immune system. I get pretty much every illness that comes down the pike, and I hold onto it for at least 2 weeks. This is kind of problematic, since I work in a pediatrics office.
3. I'm exhausted, just from the strain of acting normal. Which, y'know, I have to do for the job, or people won't want me to touch their babies. This leaves absolutely zero tolerance for family stress or most socializing. I haven't seen my coven in months, because we haven't felt up to attending ritual. I haven't been able to go to a movie in weeks because I couldn't handle the noise and lights.
4. My family doesn't get it. I still have to watch grandmom. I get guilt for wanting to go on vacation for a weekend. I get guilt when I snap at people because I'm exhausted. The sympathy I get is usually a "I can see you're hurting. Can you take anything?" and "what are we going to do with you?/we've got to get you straightened out!" which is my favorite, as it implies that there's something I should be doing to get better, but just am not.
*sigh* Yeah, I get so much out of this.
My lovely wife has been posting all week, and has some lovely links up at her journal for this week, including one about the myth of "secondary gain."
That would be the theory that some people will continue to fake their pain, because they enjoy getting attention and being excused from chores and whatnot.
Okay. Let's see what I get from my chronic pain.
Pros: Um... Wait, I'm still thinking. I don't really get extra attention, or out of chores. I'm still doing the laundry and taking out the trash, and baby sitting grandmom...
Cons: Let's see.
1. I'm on so many drugs that I don't know whether I'm coming or going most days. Case in point: I just answered the phone with "Good afternoon." It's 10:00 am. This has something to do with having taken just this morning: 300 mg Neruontin (morontin as they call it on crazymeds.us) 100mg Tramadol, 1000mg Tylenol, 800mg Skelaxin, and 200mg Zoloft. Also, I lose words. I'll be talking and I just can't force out the words. I'll be thinking the word. Repeatedly. But I can't force it to translate into speech. Which means I hear "spit it out" quite a lot.
2. Chronic pain. Have you ever had a really bad muscle cramp? You know that feeling when it's just finished the active spasm, and still aches like a bitch? Yeah. That's my daily low pain level. On a scale from one to ten, I consider 5-6 as a good day. Not only does it fuck my shit up mentally (Oh hai there, depression!), but it has also destroyed my immune system. I get pretty much every illness that comes down the pike, and I hold onto it for at least 2 weeks. This is kind of problematic, since I work in a pediatrics office.
3. I'm exhausted, just from the strain of acting normal. Which, y'know, I have to do for the job, or people won't want me to touch their babies. This leaves absolutely zero tolerance for family stress or most socializing. I haven't seen my coven in months, because we haven't felt up to attending ritual. I haven't been able to go to a movie in weeks because I couldn't handle the noise and lights.
4. My family doesn't get it. I still have to watch grandmom. I get guilt for wanting to go on vacation for a weekend. I get guilt when I snap at people because I'm exhausted. The sympathy I get is usually a "I can see you're hurting. Can you take anything?" and "what are we going to do with you?/we've got to get you straightened out!" which is my favorite, as it implies that there's something I should be doing to get better, but just am not.
*sigh* Yeah, I get so much out of this.
