See the light as it shines on the sea, it's blinding, and no one knows, how deep it goes.
And somehow, it's already Sunday. Even three day weekends tend to go quickly. Yesterday was pretty productive at least. First up, I had a televisit with the ADHD doctor. She went through the checklist and pronounced that I do indeed have inattentive ADHD. Downside, she doesn't feel I'm a candidate for Ritalin, because of my high blood pressure and insomnia. Boo. So, instead I have Strattera. Which Jess says works really well for a lot of people they know, so I'm going to give it a try. Problem is, it's an SSRI, so it may take a few weeks to really kick in. Though, some people have an immediate lessening of symptoms, so I can hope. I took it this morning, so we'll see. Fingers crossed.
After that, we went and picked up Jess' sleepytime pills, and I picked up my Strattera, and we picked up a small order of sushi for lunch. It was very tasty, though halfway through a Philly roll, my texture issues cropped up and I wasn't able to swallow it. It doesn't always happen, but once in a while, halfway through, my body is like "I'm not going to swallow that. If you try, I will make you barf." It's deeply annoying.
Then, after a break, we had Monster of the Week, which went very well, as the chaos gremlins scrambled to get everything together for Abaddon's arrival. They marshaled their allies, and found some new information on how to get rid of him. We stopped just short of the final battle, but it's set up and ready. There's a few more surprises before they start, but really, that shouldn't come as a surprise. All in all, a good time was had by all, I think.
I'm nervous about today. I want to do well, and I'm afraid I won't. I may be the only trainee there, so that could be very intense. We'll see how it goes, I guess. I'm going in pretending I'm good at it with all my being.
Tomorrow, my co trainee will be back, so it won't be looming so heavily.
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poisontaster told me that I need to stop thinking of myself as whale scum, so I'm going to try to do that, too.
Honestly, it's nice to have a diagnosis. It's not me, it's just my brain chemistry fucking with me. All the years of not being able to do schoolwork, of only being able to focus on tests, not the class...it wasn't just me not applying myself. I'm angry at my parents for not getting me tested or treated for anything. Not the depression, not the anxiety, not the ADHD. I'll be interested to see how this medication works. If it focuses me, I'll both be thrilled, and maybe a little sad for all the years I've been unmedicated. Especially the last 10 years or so, where I couldn't focus on anything with a plot. So many shows I could have been watching, books I could have been reading.
My brain chemistry is a dick y'all. I really hope this works.
Okay, time to go get dressed and ready for work. Everyone have an awesome Sunday!
After that, we went and picked up Jess' sleepytime pills, and I picked up my Strattera, and we picked up a small order of sushi for lunch. It was very tasty, though halfway through a Philly roll, my texture issues cropped up and I wasn't able to swallow it. It doesn't always happen, but once in a while, halfway through, my body is like "I'm not going to swallow that. If you try, I will make you barf." It's deeply annoying.
Then, after a break, we had Monster of the Week, which went very well, as the chaos gremlins scrambled to get everything together for Abaddon's arrival. They marshaled their allies, and found some new information on how to get rid of him. We stopped just short of the final battle, but it's set up and ready. There's a few more surprises before they start, but really, that shouldn't come as a surprise. All in all, a good time was had by all, I think.
I'm nervous about today. I want to do well, and I'm afraid I won't. I may be the only trainee there, so that could be very intense. We'll see how it goes, I guess. I'm going in pretending I'm good at it with all my being.
Tomorrow, my co trainee will be back, so it won't be looming so heavily.
poisontaster told me that I need to stop thinking of myself as whale scum, so I'm going to try to do that, too.Honestly, it's nice to have a diagnosis. It's not me, it's just my brain chemistry fucking with me. All the years of not being able to do schoolwork, of only being able to focus on tests, not the class...it wasn't just me not applying myself. I'm angry at my parents for not getting me tested or treated for anything. Not the depression, not the anxiety, not the ADHD. I'll be interested to see how this medication works. If it focuses me, I'll both be thrilled, and maybe a little sad for all the years I've been unmedicated. Especially the last 10 years or so, where I couldn't focus on anything with a plot. So many shows I could have been watching, books I could have been reading.
My brain chemistry is a dick y'all. I really hope this works.
Okay, time to go get dressed and ready for work. Everyone have an awesome Sunday!
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