I want your drama, the touch of your hand

[beanside]

Okay, so now it's finally Wednesday. Thursday would be better, but I'll take it.

Brother in law had a colonoscopy yesterday, so my sister was home to take him. They left at 11, and holy crap things were loud. It's a good thing I'd gotten most of my work done early because I would totally not have been able to focus. She has boundless compassion and wants to share every single thing that delights her or interests her on the internet. Jess and I have compassion fatigue, and cannot work up much emotion about current events. Yes, the war in the Ukraine is horrible, yes, that cat is adorable, yes, trans rights. It's just...a lot. Even removed in my little office, it's a lot. I don't know how she can feel so much about so many things. Maybe there's something wrong with me that I don't?

We are down to 290 days til Disney, and 1 month to Lancaster. I am counting down anxiously. On one hand I really want to get away. On the other, there's a part of me that is afraid to leave, because obviously, the house will fall apart without us. Disney is especially fraught for that since it's a whole 7 days. It won't stop me from going, but it will continue to plague me.

When I got paid, I bought a few things, and now I'm waiting for them to come in. I am not a patient person, so I've been watching the tracking numbers obsessively. The bulk of the Hot Topic order, containing my overalls and tank top are finally nearby, and I'm kind of hoping they come today. My sandals haven't shipped yet (boo) and my candles just finally shipped yesterday.

Afterpay and Klarna are wonderful things, allowing me to get the stuff I want and pay over four payments. The only thing I paid for in full is the sandals. (Mind you, they were $80, because I have wide boat feet and require extra wide shoes.)

Today I have my one on one, which will be fine. There's not a whole lot negative she can say. I come in on time, I do my job well, I help out my coworkers. Still, jerkbrain says that it'll be bad. Then next week, I have to do my self-evaluation, which I always hate. To be honest, or humble?

Okay, time to consider pants, and maybe start waking up. Have a good Wednesday!

Comments

[nilchance]

re: compassion fatigue, I don't think there's anything wrong with you. for one thing, the massive rise in transphobic legislature and homophobic violence is exhausting and scary on a different level when it's going to directly impact your (or your spouse's) safety and quality of life than when it'll impact you secondhand, no matter how much you genuinely love the people who are getting affected. for another, it's not that you don't care about these things at all, because I know that you do care a lot. it's that you're also being asked to PERFORM that empathy or distress whenever she mentions that a terrible law passed or a random cat died or the GOP did something bad. I think it's her way of trying to connect with people, but you're not heartless for not having the emotional energy to react to a stream-of-consciousness recounting of every single thing she sees on her twitter feed. it drives ME crazy and she's not my bio-sister. <3

[beanside]

Thank you, bb.

[dine]

what was the decision wrt pants?

even without the complication of compassion fatigue, your sister's nonstop chatter could drive one around the bend, especially when you're used to mostly silence at that time.

[beanside]

Pants happened, though partly against my will.

I love her, but she can be a lot.