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Thursday
Sleep failed me last night. I think I got a couple broken up hours, but I just could not get comfy. It seems to be a once a week thing lately where I just can't fall asleep despite all the drugs.
I think I know the reason for my sleeplessness. I think I mentioned that my psychiatrist was on medical leave for my last appointment, and I had to see someone else. I got a letter last night that she passed away from metastatic cancer. I've been seeing her for nearly six years, and it really is fucking me up. I liked Nancy a lot. She was kind, easy to work with, and never got frustrated with the way I burn through psych drugs. The letter said she was diagnosed in late August, and died October 14th, which is a hell of a turnaround and kind of scary. It also said she died peacefully at home, which is the best one can hope for. I'm a little sad today (Also a little anxious, because I don't know if I'll find another doctor I like, which probably is a little selfish.) I cried a little last night, but just enough to get myself riled up, and then I couldn't settle down.
It's an odd thing, because I didn't know Nancy that well. She was a devout Christian, and attended mass during the week, and she hated the cold. She was a teetotaler, but had a specific place that she and her husband would get a sparkling cider for the holidays. It doesn't add up to much, but I still grieve for her husband, and for myself.
Beyond that, not much going on. I think I'm going to watch some of Pacific Rim to cheer me up. I finished Enola Holmes, which was a lot of fun, but took a little while to get going for me. I could just randomly pick another show to watch, I suppose. But all the really bad movies, I'd want to watch with Jess.
I think I know the reason for my sleeplessness. I think I mentioned that my psychiatrist was on medical leave for my last appointment, and I had to see someone else. I got a letter last night that she passed away from metastatic cancer. I've been seeing her for nearly six years, and it really is fucking me up. I liked Nancy a lot. She was kind, easy to work with, and never got frustrated with the way I burn through psych drugs. The letter said she was diagnosed in late August, and died October 14th, which is a hell of a turnaround and kind of scary. It also said she died peacefully at home, which is the best one can hope for. I'm a little sad today (Also a little anxious, because I don't know if I'll find another doctor I like, which probably is a little selfish.) I cried a little last night, but just enough to get myself riled up, and then I couldn't settle down.
It's an odd thing, because I didn't know Nancy that well. She was a devout Christian, and attended mass during the week, and she hated the cold. She was a teetotaler, but had a specific place that she and her husband would get a sparkling cider for the holidays. It doesn't add up to much, but I still grieve for her husband, and for myself.
Beyond that, not much going on. I think I'm going to watch some of Pacific Rim to cheer me up. I finished Enola Holmes, which was a lot of fun, but took a little while to get going for me. I could just randomly pick another show to watch, I suppose. But all the really bad movies, I'd want to watch with Jess.
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your psychiatrist's death is a loss - even if you weren't best friends, you had a good relationship that helped you, and having to adjust to someone else will be hard. no wonder that could have impacted your sleep
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