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Fic: Dancing With the Bones
Title: Dancing With the Bones
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
beanside and nilchance
Rating: R
Verse: Deathknell
Disclaimer: This is strictly fiction, nothing real here.
It wasn't that he was stupid or clueless, or any number of things. No, Kane had known there was something going on. He just had always thought he'd know if it was major. He'd thought that right up until he'd noticed a scribble on the duty roster in Jason's handwriting, requesting a replacement that afternoon. When he'd cornered Jason, he'd just shrugged and said that he was acting on a request from the President.
He'd headed over, ready to rip Jeff a new one for not warning him, only to find Jared there. Waiting for him. The knot of dread curled tighter.
“Hey, we were expecting you,” Jared said softly, his eyes taking on that puppy-dog infinite kindness look that Kane absolutely hated. “Jensen's in the kitchen.”
And it involved Jensen. Kane tensed even further. “Where's Jeff?”
“He ran into town with Chad and Samantha. He's supposed to sign for some sort of diplomatic bullshit that'll get us some extra fuel for heat in the guard houses,” Jared said. Kane mentally checked that off his mental roster. “But Jensen's in the kitchen. He needs to talk to you.”
“Fine.” Too rattled to be kind, Kane strode into the kitchen.
He thought he was braced for whatever Jensen had to tell him. He wasn't braced for the thick bandage wound around Jensen's wrist, or the dark gouges dug under his eyes. “Jesus, Jen. What the fuck happened?”
Jensen jumped, freezing at the sound of Kane's voice, and cringed away. Just a little. It was enough to make him feel monstrous.
“Sorry,” Kane soothed. “What happened to your wrist? Jared's pups get rough?” His weak attempt at levity fell flat in the air between them.
“No.” Jensen shook his head, shoulders ducking--making himself smaller Kane realized. Less of a target. “I did it.”
The air whoomphed out of his lungs, and Christian tried to remember how to breathe.
“You should probably sit down,” Jensen added, his voice small.
For that, Kane thought, he would have to remember how. Instead, he stared at the bright bandage, so stark against Jensen's pale skin. “Jen,” he breathed. “Christ—you should have—god, should you be up and about?” He focused on the counter, where Jensen had been chopping vegetables. “Should you—Um. Is Jared helping--”
“I didn't try to kill myself,” Jensen said. “I tried to cut the brand off.”
Kane let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. “Oh, Jensen. I'm sorry, I should have been here-”
“No. Sometimes, it just--” Jensen touched his chest, and Kane nodded. He knew far too well that feeling. Like acid in your stomach, bitterness and anger that even now would well up until it was all he could do not to scream and hit.
“--and hits me, you know? Mike's coming in this afternoon, he's going to stay for a week.” Jensen raked his good hand through his hair, and his eyes darkened. “I need to tell you something," he blurted. "And I'm afraid you're going to hate me for it.”
Kane relaxed. This, he could handle. Every slave had done things... things that would eat at them until they got them out into the light of day. “I won't hate you, Jen. But go ahead.”
Jensen stood and went over by the stove, his back to Kane as he worked. “Would you like something to drink? I could-”
“Jensen,” Kane said softly, keeping his voice quiet. “It's okay. Just tell me.”
“Don't say that. It's not okay. I should have told you this before, but... fuck. It's too hard.”
“Okay, Jen. I'm here.” All his years of dealing with slaves seemed to amount to nothing when it came to Jensen. It was that damned training by Morgan, he was sure. He'd never had to deal with someone this much like himself.
“I know you are." Jensen let out a shuddering breath. "When I got to Morgan's place, I wasn't in any shape to start work. Too malnourished, too uneducated. You knew Morgan, she wasn't one to let the grass grow under her feet. She put Nikki in charge of my basic education, getting me up beyond the fifth grade reading level. And she was in charge of getting me into shape.” Jensen threw a half smile over his shoulder. “Nikki said that you hated the treadmill, too.”
This time, Christian was the one getting slammed by memories. Of the treadmill, and Morgan's insistence that he use it daily. Of dragging Nikki onto it, keeping her in place by force at the beginning. Then, once she'd settled down from her terrifying wild-child ways, she'd gloried in the freedom running gave her.
“Anyway, after a couple of months, I started to realize that as hard as she was pushing me, Nikki was doing next to nothing. And I resented it. It all boiled to a head after my first... mission. Here I was risking my ass, and all she was doing was sitting there getting fat.”
Kane considered this. “Nikki? She was always such a rail.”
“Six weeks before you left, she had pneumonia,” Jensen interrupted. “Was on antibiotics for three weeks.”
“Yeah, but she seemed like she'd recovered—what--” Kane felt his stomach tighten. She'd sworn she was okay before he left. She'd lied to him before.
“She was on antibiotics for three weeks,” Jensen repeated. “And she was on birth control. She was pregnant, Christian.”
All the blood left Kane's head. He stared at Jensen, uncomprehending. A strange buzzing sound filled his ears.
Pregnant. She was pregnant. And she hadn't gone out on a mission for the two months before he'd left—but they'd been together plenty.
When he could see again, Kane demanded, “Did she... did Morgan--" He couldn't be choking up, couldn't be feeling this. "Did she take care of it?”
Jensen's mouth tightened. “I think she wanted to. But Nikki out her foot down. She had her baby girl. November 5.”
“Girl.”
“Your daughter,” Jensen said softly.
Christian swallowed hard. “What did-- is she a slave?”
“Morgan sent her away when she was two weeks old. To Ireland and a family there. They called her Aislinn.”
Kane let his head fall forward, his thoughts chasing themselves.
He had a daughter. And Morgan had sent him away, knowing—had sent him away because of it. Before he found out and refused to go, or took Nikki with him. And Nikki had gone along with it.
Bile spilled up his throat, burning him. He wanted to hit. He wanted to kill.
Unseeing, he bolted out the back door into the woods before he hurt someone.
He didn't know how far he'd gone. Where he'd gone. When he could think again, the vast tundra of snow spread around him in every direction. And here he was, with barely a coat on.
He wondered if he'd die. He wondered if he already had.
Authors:
beanside and nilchanceRating: R
Verse: Deathknell
Disclaimer: This is strictly fiction, nothing real here.
It wasn't that he was stupid or clueless, or any number of things. No, Kane had known there was something going on. He just had always thought he'd know if it was major. He'd thought that right up until he'd noticed a scribble on the duty roster in Jason's handwriting, requesting a replacement that afternoon. When he'd cornered Jason, he'd just shrugged and said that he was acting on a request from the President.
He'd headed over, ready to rip Jeff a new one for not warning him, only to find Jared there. Waiting for him. The knot of dread curled tighter.
“Hey, we were expecting you,” Jared said softly, his eyes taking on that puppy-dog infinite kindness look that Kane absolutely hated. “Jensen's in the kitchen.”
And it involved Jensen. Kane tensed even further. “Where's Jeff?”
“He ran into town with Chad and Samantha. He's supposed to sign for some sort of diplomatic bullshit that'll get us some extra fuel for heat in the guard houses,” Jared said. Kane mentally checked that off his mental roster. “But Jensen's in the kitchen. He needs to talk to you.”
“Fine.” Too rattled to be kind, Kane strode into the kitchen.
He thought he was braced for whatever Jensen had to tell him. He wasn't braced for the thick bandage wound around Jensen's wrist, or the dark gouges dug under his eyes. “Jesus, Jen. What the fuck happened?”
Jensen jumped, freezing at the sound of Kane's voice, and cringed away. Just a little. It was enough to make him feel monstrous.
“Sorry,” Kane soothed. “What happened to your wrist? Jared's pups get rough?” His weak attempt at levity fell flat in the air between them.
“No.” Jensen shook his head, shoulders ducking--making himself smaller Kane realized. Less of a target. “I did it.”
The air whoomphed out of his lungs, and Christian tried to remember how to breathe.
“You should probably sit down,” Jensen added, his voice small.
For that, Kane thought, he would have to remember how. Instead, he stared at the bright bandage, so stark against Jensen's pale skin. “Jen,” he breathed. “Christ—you should have—god, should you be up and about?” He focused on the counter, where Jensen had been chopping vegetables. “Should you—Um. Is Jared helping--”
“I didn't try to kill myself,” Jensen said. “I tried to cut the brand off.”
Kane let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. “Oh, Jensen. I'm sorry, I should have been here-”
“No. Sometimes, it just--” Jensen touched his chest, and Kane nodded. He knew far too well that feeling. Like acid in your stomach, bitterness and anger that even now would well up until it was all he could do not to scream and hit.
“--and hits me, you know? Mike's coming in this afternoon, he's going to stay for a week.” Jensen raked his good hand through his hair, and his eyes darkened. “I need to tell you something," he blurted. "And I'm afraid you're going to hate me for it.”
Kane relaxed. This, he could handle. Every slave had done things... things that would eat at them until they got them out into the light of day. “I won't hate you, Jen. But go ahead.”
Jensen stood and went over by the stove, his back to Kane as he worked. “Would you like something to drink? I could-”
“Jensen,” Kane said softly, keeping his voice quiet. “It's okay. Just tell me.”
“Don't say that. It's not okay. I should have told you this before, but... fuck. It's too hard.”
“Okay, Jen. I'm here.” All his years of dealing with slaves seemed to amount to nothing when it came to Jensen. It was that damned training by Morgan, he was sure. He'd never had to deal with someone this much like himself.
“I know you are." Jensen let out a shuddering breath. "When I got to Morgan's place, I wasn't in any shape to start work. Too malnourished, too uneducated. You knew Morgan, she wasn't one to let the grass grow under her feet. She put Nikki in charge of my basic education, getting me up beyond the fifth grade reading level. And she was in charge of getting me into shape.” Jensen threw a half smile over his shoulder. “Nikki said that you hated the treadmill, too.”
This time, Christian was the one getting slammed by memories. Of the treadmill, and Morgan's insistence that he use it daily. Of dragging Nikki onto it, keeping her in place by force at the beginning. Then, once she'd settled down from her terrifying wild-child ways, she'd gloried in the freedom running gave her.
“Anyway, after a couple of months, I started to realize that as hard as she was pushing me, Nikki was doing next to nothing. And I resented it. It all boiled to a head after my first... mission. Here I was risking my ass, and all she was doing was sitting there getting fat.”
Kane considered this. “Nikki? She was always such a rail.”
“Six weeks before you left, she had pneumonia,” Jensen interrupted. “Was on antibiotics for three weeks.”
“Yeah, but she seemed like she'd recovered—what--” Kane felt his stomach tighten. She'd sworn she was okay before he left. She'd lied to him before.
“She was on antibiotics for three weeks,” Jensen repeated. “And she was on birth control. She was pregnant, Christian.”
All the blood left Kane's head. He stared at Jensen, uncomprehending. A strange buzzing sound filled his ears.
Pregnant. She was pregnant. And she hadn't gone out on a mission for the two months before he'd left—but they'd been together plenty.
When he could see again, Kane demanded, “Did she... did Morgan--" He couldn't be choking up, couldn't be feeling this. "Did she take care of it?”
Jensen's mouth tightened. “I think she wanted to. But Nikki out her foot down. She had her baby girl. November 5.”
“Girl.”
“Your daughter,” Jensen said softly.
Christian swallowed hard. “What did-- is she a slave?”
“Morgan sent her away when she was two weeks old. To Ireland and a family there. They called her Aislinn.”
Kane let his head fall forward, his thoughts chasing themselves.
He had a daughter. And Morgan had sent him away, knowing—had sent him away because of it. Before he found out and refused to go, or took Nikki with him. And Nikki had gone along with it.
Bile spilled up his throat, burning him. He wanted to hit. He wanted to kill.
Unseeing, he bolted out the back door into the woods before he hurt someone.
He didn't know how far he'd gone. Where he'd gone. When he could think again, the vast tundra of snow spread around him in every direction. And here he was, with barely a coat on.
He wondered if he'd die. He wondered if he already had.
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You do like to complicate their lives don't you? And you're just so freaking good at it ... *g*
Thanks for the update - it was a wonderful surprise.
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Poor Chris - that's so freaking sad. Morgan was such a b*tch! But at least she sent the baby to Ireland so she wouldn't be a slave. And JENSEN. *smishes him*
I'm not even coherent right now. LOL This was great!
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Kudos to Jensen for being brave and telling Chris. And kudos to you for the new chapter - loved it.
Jensen jumped, freezing at the sound of Kane's voice, and cringed away. Just a little. It was enough to make him feel monstrous.
Superb.
Thanks!!!!
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And now Jason's going to save him, right? With huddling for warmth and shared body heat and bare chest to bare chest even though everybody knows that's been debunked and...
...please?
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This hurts. There's so much almost shared history between Jensen, Jeff and Kane; parts that overlap but don't really, quite touch. And for Kane to find out about the parts of his life that went on without HIM and in this way and with the knowledge of the emotional betrayal that went with it...it hurts. Brilliantly so.
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Great to see that this 'verse is continuing.
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I'm so glad you're writing this again :D
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how'd you know I needed angst tonight. and this is just so, amazing. so amazing. i love this verse more than I should. thank you for updating, both of you. amazing.
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i am so happy to see an update
and its fantastic
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I...
Yeah...
Just...
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my
god.
..............
*is speechless*
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And THANK YOU for continuing to bring light into my truly horrible week by gifting us with more beautiful deathknell!! :D
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I ended up rereading the whole thing last night because I'd missed some chapters from computer problems. So this was A LOT of fun.
If Chris ran off by himself, someone's gonna have to come after him. And warm him up. With body heat. Cause that's the best thing for it. (SCORE!)
I do hope that he finds his daughter. I hope that he finds peace.
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Fabulous update!
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I could read this every day. ♥
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Oh, Chris! Must not get lost in tundra. Is damn cold up there. I know.
Jason to the rescue - pl-e-a-se!!!
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Poor Jensen keeping the secret and letting it fester with everything else.
Hugs poor boys
Looking forward to more.
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My heart hurts for him. And Jensen, too.
Angst pie, you deliver it.
Painful and wonderful at the same time.
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I love Jensen's character, so conflicted. And when Chris calls him his "little brother", I melt ;o) I can't wait to read some more. I didn't know it was still a WIP when I started reading it... Do you plan on writing some more soon ?
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Are you still updating the series? Please say yes! I'd really love to read more
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